Grief has has paid an unwelcome and unexpected visit…

These past few years May, June and July have been tough months but going forward it seems they will be tougher. The grief that has now visited the lives of others in close proximity to me is the same grief that I thought I had won over and my heart is heavy.

My heart is heavy because grief steals and shakes your confidence. My heart is heavy because grief is long lasting and ironically never truly dies. My heart is heavy because it doesn’t take much to remember the grief that stopped my life for a time and now it has stopped the lives of others whom I love and care about. The stabbing sensation just above your stomach and below your chest that produces sobs of anguish and emotional upheaval has now made it’s entrance into the hearts of dear friends and I hurt for them.

Thankfully God has constantly reminded me that Jesus wasn’t immune from grief and sorrow. Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” (ESV emphasis mine). When Lazarus died Jesus wept. The Garden of Gethsemane was no picnic either. Jesus literally bled with grief and sorrow that night. I take comfort in the fact that our Saviour and the one who set the example for us in this race that we call life, did not ignore His grief, condemn His grief or live for His grief.

What a loving and gracious God to send us His Son to set the example that grief is okay and is a part of life here on this broken, messy and jacked up earth. God could have said grief was a sin and then where would be? Instead, He allowed Lazarus to die in order to bring glory to Himself through His Son Jesus’s grief.

I can rest in Jesus, trust Jesus, love Jesus and serve Jesus during my grief knowing that “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21 ESV) and knowing that The Father and the Son both grieved over that event.

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I’d love for you to download these clips and make them available to people that are currently fighting cancer as well as cancer survivors and to families that have lost loved ones. I hope that my Mom’s story will inspire us not because of her strength, but from the strength she found in her Savior Jesus Christ.

Last Thursday June 18th, 2009 fourteen people experienced the goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness of God in a real and tangible way. On a day that should have been filled with sorrow, hopelessness and anger, God did what He does best: He redeemed the irredeemable. As we all gathered around and enjoyed a wonderful and filling meal, we had the opportunity to catch up on what has happened in each others lives this past year. God has done much and over the past year we have all become more fully devoted followers of Christ. This process of course has not been without trial, suffering or discomfort. In fact the majority of it took place as we attempted to fill the gaping whole in our life that my Mom left. Fortunately, it has been the Lord that has filled that gap and provided for our needs in ways we never could have imagined.

After the meal we all gathered in the living room and talked about the many memories we had of the Lord working in my Mom’s life. The more that was shared the more we all saw just how much the Lord used my Mom and even her illness, to teach us all to love Him more. We also talked about the various ways we had all been changed by the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life and the lessons that we learned from her faith in Christ. What stood out most to me was the various words that were used to describe who my Mom was: Forgiving, patient, generous, loyal, selfless, unconditional love, faithful… Going through that list it is easy to see that those are all attributes that my Mom learned from one place… the Lord Jesus Christ. The attributes that we will always remember about her belong also to that of her Savior. She was salt, light, a city on a hill and despite her illness, she reflected the Glory of God with everything that she had in her.

When it was all over, and we had stuffed ourselves with some amazing home-made desserts, I had to take a moment and step back and think about what had just happened. Instead of weeping with no hope, there were tears filled with the promise of a not to distant reunion. Instead of anger at God’s timing there was praise for 52 years that God allowed her to stay. Instead of crawling into a dark room, pulling the covers over our head and pretending that day didn’t exist, we embraced the trustworthiness, faithfulness and goodness of God in the life of His servant, my Mom. It was good to remember 2Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (ESV). I went to bed that night grateful for the amazing things that God had done that day, in light of what had happened a year ago that day: He had redeemed the irredeemable.

Now it is almost a week later and once again my family is faced with another challenge to remember and know that God is trustworthy, faithful and good. A few days ago my Mom’s sister (my Aunt Becky) was rushed to the hospital with severe pain in her stomach. While the doctors couldn’t immediately find the problem, we prayed and asked God to help them find the problem and come up with a solution to relieve her pain. You see shortly after my Mom’s death, my Aunt had a seizure and was hospitalized for over six months. In that time the doctors and nurses made many mistakes that almost cost my Aunt her life, and when all was said and done, they billed her and my Grandmother outrages sums of money for their mistakes. Over the past six months since my Aunt has been home from the hospital she has endured excruciating physical therapy, insurmountable financial challenges and sub-par medical care from people that should go to jail.

All of this, while she has patiently and quietly grieved for my Mom…

So today when we all found out that she was to have emergency surgery that would set her back to where she was six months ago it was hard to remember the Lord’s goodness. When the doctor came out and told us that my Aunt’s surgery had saved her life for now, rather than healed her permanently, it was hard to remember the Lord’s faithfulness. When I saw her there in the hospital bed with wires and tubes coming from everywhere, machines breathing for her, and barely conscious, it was hard to remember the Lord’s trustworthiness. But then something happened; I remember the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life. I remembered that she got her strength not from Muhammad, or Buddha or the Pope or some cosmic force. I remembered that she didn’t get her strength from reading a book, or rubbing some beads or taking some drug. I remembered “I can do all things through Him (Christ Jesus) who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 ESV).

As I remembered that I prayed out loud:

“Father God thank You for this day and thank You for Your blessings. Lord help us to remember that You are good, that You are faithful and that You are trustworthy. God You have given us so much strength over the past few years, Lord we’re asking for just a little bit more. And God I believe that You are a never-ending supply of strength so give us what we need to get through this and Lord don’t let us forget where it comes from… Your Son Jesus Christ. In His good name we pray… Amen.”

Now I am at my Grandmother’s house, after having a large and boisterous meal with her and my Grandfather. Looking at us in that booth tonight you would have never known that we had just come from the Hospital or that my Grandmother and Grandfather had been divorced for longer than three decades. We stayed up until just a few hours ago talking and supporting each other. I feel blessed that they are both in my life and I am so grateful to “The Big General,” as my Grandpa calls Him, for all the time God has given me to spend with them, despite the circumstances under which we have met these past few years. It’s another reminder of God’s goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness during this time of trial.

Your prayers for my Aunt are appreciated and I will do my best to update everyone via my Twitter page which links to my Facebook and to the box in the upper right column of this blog.

Today at 6:15pm my family and I will be observing a moment of silent prayer. It will mark the day and time one year ago that my Mom was ushered in the loving arms of Jesus. At times it feels like that day was a long time ago. But for the most part the feelings, thoughts and overwhelming grief of that day have lingered just beneath the surface as I have wandered through the past 365 days.

I have listened to countless sermons, read a few books, received cards, wept through emails and have had some wonderful people speak God’s truth into my life. All of it has helped on one way or another, but the words the thoughts and prayers will simply never be enough. I dare say that no earthly thing will ever be enough to heal my heart and make it whole.

If there is one small lesson, one short thought, one simple message that I have received loud and clear from God it’s this: “Life on this earth is temporary… and that’s the way it should be.” There is no reason for us to long to stay here on this fragile, fallen and failing earth longer than God’s plan for us.

I am reminded of Paul’s words to the Corinthians,

“For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-4 ESV

Try applying that passage to one whom you love and has been diagnosed with a senseless disease that will slowly take her life. Try applying that passage to the hours you spend on the phone with nurses and doctors at 2am only to hear them tell you there’s nothing more you can do. Try applying that as you attempt to say your final goodbyes, only to be interrupted by your loved one crying out in pain and having to be sedated with Morphine. Try applying that as you count the seconds in-between the labored breaths and come to grips with the debilitating reality that the gap is increasing with brutal regularity. Try applying that as you hold their hand for the last time and watch the life slowly slip from their eyes and the strength slip from their grasp and they take their last breath.

My friends, I can say with all honesty that I failed… I failed to remember the faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness of God.

I failed to remember the faithful God that created the universe, clothed the naked refugees, parted the Red Sea and sustained an entire people group despite their disobedience and rebellion. I failed to remember the trustworthy God that Abraham trusted despite being asked to sacrifice his one and only son Isaac, that Zechariah trusted despite God’s silence for 400 years and that Stephen trusted his life too in the midst of a hostile crowd. I failed to remember the good God that changes people’s hearts, empowers forgiveness and provides for all our needs in His perfect timing.

I forgot God, even though God had not forgotten me…

Now, after the toughest year of my life, I feel as if I am starting to remember the Lord. The word Remember is used over 130 times in the Old Testament and the majority of the time God is commanding us to remember what HE has succeeded in doing, not what WE have failed to do. Over this past year I have been challenged to regain an eternal perspective and abandon my selfish and unrealistic notion that I have any reason to be faithful to, to trust or to find true joy in anything on this earth that is temporal. Instead, I am to place my hope, faith, trust and expectation of good on the God who has given His Son Jesus Christ as a ransom for my life.

I have a feeling that this is not something that happens in a year, nor should it take place in a short amount of time. In fact, I can, should and want to spend the rest of my life enjoying God and proclaiming His faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness to others. The best part is that as of the time that I write this, my hope and faith and trust is better placed today than it was a year ago, which shows God’s faithfulness to sustain me, His trustworthiness to lead me where I can’t see and His goodness to provide me with everything I need to get through this day with my mind stayed on the Gospel.

Pray for not only for my family and me today, but pray for yourself. Pray that you will not forget God in your time of need and that you will remember his faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness, especially in those moments when all of them seem to be so far away.

Today my Dad, Sister and Granny (my Mom’s Mom) went out to Riverside National Cemetary for Mother’s Day. In the process of preparing for today, I was trying to think of what would benifit me as I work through the grieving process, but also what would benefit my family as well. As a result, I decided to prepare a short sermon to remind us of some things that would be encouraging and comforting on a tough day like today.

The Lord led me to John 11:1-45, the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Of course it’s a passage that many of you are familiar with, but I can honestly say this passage is much more powerful, in light of loosing a loved one that is a Follower of Christ.

I think that the words the Lord gave me were not just for us and so I’d like to share the sermon with you in written format. I hope it comforts those of you who have lost a loved one and I hope it encourages the rest of you to watch out for your brothers and sisters in Christ that are suffering. One final note, please excuse the simple “3 Point Outline” approach. After all I am a recovering Baptist…

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Read John 11:1-45

Intro
Over the past 11 months we have been learning to live our lives here on earth without Mom. Some days, like today, have been tough then others and I think that it’s important for us, as we are moving through this greiving process to remember a few things.

1. God Is Still With Us
   a. Especially during the last few weeks of Mom’s life, it was really tough to remember that God was still with us. It was easy for us to say what Martha and Mary said:
   b. John 11:32 “Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.””
   c. Even Jesus on the cross felt forsaken and alone.
   d. He quoted from Psalms 22:1-2 “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.”
   e. It’s so easy to feel alone when we are suffering… but we can’t forget the end of the story and that next part of the Psalm.
   f. Psalms 22:3-5 “Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.”
   g. The reason we know God is with us is because He has continued to be faithful to us even today. God has been watching over us from before He was born and will continue to watch over us for all of eternity.
2. We Still Need To Trust God
   a. This is also another reason why we know God is with us… is because because we have trusted Him before and he has been faithful to us in many ways that we can’t even see.
   b. We can trust that God has rescued us from the power of sin and we can see that in the fact that we have been changed from the inside out.
   c. We don’t have to be a slave to the things of this world, instead we are free to worship and to love God.
   d. I know that we’ve dealt with so many set backs that it’s hard to trust God. But I think that’s because it’s not God that has failed us but the other things that we have put our trust in.
   e. We put our trust in Doctors, or medicine, our own resolve, our friends, our church. But in the end all of those failed in one way or another because they are all imperfect.
   f. And even though we may not understand it right now, we can trust God’s perfect plan to take Mom from this miserable earth, and bring her to a place of eternal worship and satisfaction in Christ.
   g. We know that Mom trusted God and her trust in Him has more than paid off because her faith has become sight. She knows now that she didn’t trust in vain and she was not put to shame.
3. We Still Need To Be Devoted To Proclaiming The Gospel
   a. I know that it’s hard to proclaim the truth of the Gospel when we are hurting.
   b. But when I think about what has comforted me the most, I think of the Gospel.
   c. It’s because I have been reminded that one day, because God has rescued us, we will be reunited with Mom in a perfect, healed body and will spend eternity together worshiping Jesus.
   d. We need to remind each other of that truth, but we also need to proclaim that same hope to our friends and family that don’t know the Lord.
   e. So that they too can spend eternity worshiping Jesus with us and with Mom.
   f. The reason Mom spent her last hours on earth proclaiming Jesus, instead of complaining to Jesus, was because she knew the Lord had called her to do so, no matter what the circumstances.
   g. And she also knew that the strength to do such a difficult thing didn’t come from her… it came from Jesus
   h. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him [Christ] who strengthens me.”

6 months ago today my Mom was ushered into the loving arms of her Savior. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her, remember her, or feel the emptiness in my life. For the past 6 months I have been trying to learn how to live each day without her. Without her encouragement. Without her wisdom. Without her smile. Without her hugs. Without her incredible gift from God to encourage those in pain.

Let’s face it, when you loose someone you love, your life is never the same. Your life becomes a sudden battle for grief verses normalcy. Grief knocks you to your knees while normalcy helps you get up. Those things that are constant in your life, and never change are what make grief grow weaker and weaker each day.

Which is why it’s essential for us to always have Jesus as the constant in our life. Jesus as a “Man Of Sorrows” knows grief and it’s power well. In fact, He knows grief better than anyone. And yet He does not despair, He does not give up and He does not pretend that grief is not real. If Jesus is the constant in your life, no trial, no firestorm, no evil deed and no loss of a loved one will ever overpower you.

DeborahAmes.org

The service and reception will be held at:

Journey Of Faith Church
1243 Artesia Blvd
Manhattan Beach, CA 90266

In lieu of flowers, when thinking of my Mom in the days ahead, please give generously to World Impact.

I guess 3:42am is the perfect time…

Right now Mom is sleeping and I am on night watch making sure she takes her medication and is able to stay as comfortable as possible during the night. It’s hard to imagine that just a week ago Mom was pretty much able to get around on her own without supervision. She was able to have normal conversations and was able to eat normal food. But over the next few days she slowly but surley lost more and more of her ability to breath and the ability to care for herself. By Saturday she was being watched and cared for 24 hours a day by those of us in her immediate family in conjunction with Hospice. When Dr. Jilani gave his official word on Monday it had already set in that we were dealing with a shorter time line than any of us had imagined.

So this is our first week of caring for someone that will be going home to Jesus soon. How soon we don’t know and even Dr. Jilani told us, “For your sake as much as for my sake I can’t give you a time line.” That means we are faced with the struggle between life and death from now until we say our final goodbyes. Our perspective has changed and it has changed rapidly. One minute we lived out each day never thinking that it could be her last; now we pray each night for just a little more time to spend with Mom. One more laugh, one more hug, one more tender kiss on her cheek before our Loving Savior ushers her into a paradise so filled with joy and peace that there are no tears and no pain and no long nights like tonight, wondering how you’re gonna make it through until morning.

Don’t think it was easy for me to write that last sentence because despite the fact I know where my Mom’s soul will be, it doesn’t change the fact that I will miss her the rest of my days on earth. For now I probably shouldn’t list all the reasons why I’ll miss her (mostly because that would end the post here due to a short circuit in the keyboard from all the tears) but suffice it to say that the reasons are plentiful and depth of her influence in my life is unimaginable. It’s hard to think that a day is soon coming when I’ll reach for my phone to call for her advice on a homework assignment and realize that there will be no answer. Or that a day is coming when my wife walks down the aisle and looks as beautiful as Mom did on her wedding day (despite the spilled milk on her dress). Or that a day is coming when I show my kids one of the rare pictures of my Mom and tell them that Grandma Deborah was an amazing servant of King Jesus, was named after a judge in the Bible and had touched many lives on her short time here on earth.

But for now our family is living in the present and we are all learning how to care for Mom in a way that will most glorify Jesus, despite our sad hearts and heavy burden. We have already learned a lot in the process. We’ve learned that we need to work together as a team. We’ve learned that sometimes you have to make the small victories just as important as the big decisions. We’ve learned that the Bible and prayer have a whole new meaning when someone you love is dying. We’ve learned that even though our pespective has changed our God has not. He is still the same God that gave a blind man sight and made a lame man walk. He forgave the prositute and ate with tax collectors. He walked on the water, calmed the storm and asked some terrified disciples an important question:

“25He said to them, ‘Where is your faith?’”
-Luke 8:25a

DeborahAmes.org

DeborahAmes.org

DeborahAmes.org

The website is officially off and running. We have a few posts on their from all of us in the family and we’ll be posting a medical update as soon as we can.

Please be patient as we continue to expand and add new features.

http://deborahames.org