The next piece of the puzzle in my life was fellowship with other believers. In other words: the church. My experience in church up to that point had not been a good one. I was part a church environment that encouraged shallow relationships, clean living and voting republican over real life, authenticity and confronting sin. Those that led clean lives and kept their sin well hidden were welcomed with open arms. But those whose sin had been exposed faced subtle shunning and in some cases outright hostility. Going back to church for me under those rules was a dreadful thought.

My sins were no secret and despite the fact that I had experienced repentance and a had come to a genuine faith for the first time, I knew there would be no way I’d be accepted, welcomed or loved.

But then something happened…

I came into contact with a small but dedicated group of fellow believers that taught me what a church should be and were instrumental in setting my path with Jesus for the next 12 years. In that 12 years I have been a part of 4 different church experiences that God has used to shape me and mold me and showed me what it takes to build a church that lasts.

Over the next 10 weeks I’ll be sharing 10 different lessons I’ve learned on building a church that lasts. Some of them are from my perspective as a leader but most are from a perspective of a follower of Christ engaged in a Gospel-Centered Biblical Community. I hope these thoughts will serve as encouragement to lay people and leaders alike to think about the church or church plant they are a part of in a new way.

Part 1: Bible First

Part 2: Marathon Or Sprint?

Part 3: Authenticity

Part 4: Know The Gospel

Part 5: Flexible As Rubber, Steady As Glue

Part 6: Nothing To Do With, All To Do With Numbers

Part 7: Ebenezer: Celebrating Milestones

Part 8: LOST: Learning To Let Go

Part 9: Be Willing To Fail With Excellence

Part 10: Jesus Is The Senior Pastor

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The sun comes up, I think about you
The coffee cup, I think about you
I want you so, it’s like I’m losing my mind

The morning ends, I think about you
I talk to friends, I think about you
And do they know it’s like I’m losing my mind?

All afternoon doing every little chore
The thought of you stays bright
Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor
Not going left, not going right

I dim the lights and think about you
Spend sleepless nights to think about you
You said you loved me, or were you just being kind?
Or am I losing my mind?

I want you so, it’s like I’m losing my mind
Does no one knows it’s like I’m losing my mind

All afternoon doing every little chore
The thought of you stays bright
Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor
Not going left, not going right

I dim the lights and think about you
Spend sleepless nights to think about you
You said you loved me, or were you just being kind?
Or am I losing my mind?

A few days ago I received an email and found out that some one I knew took his own life this week. Most people would say they “committed” suicide and I’m not sure I’ve understood that term. Perhaps it has something to do with the term “committed” homicide but whatever. I can honestly say I’ve never understood why someone would kill themselves. What drives someone to slit their wrists, put a gun to their head, drive off a cliff or hang themselves? One could say that life is so bad for them here on earth that they can’t take it and decide to stop the pain. It bothered me so much and as I coped to understand why this person killed themselves I also felt an enormous weight for what their family was going through. That weight was so strong that I decided to go and visit the family, not only to seek some answers, but also to offer comfort.

I know that this individual was not a Christian and felt that the same was true for their family but I couldn’t resist the Holy Spirit compelling me to go and talk to them. So today I grabbed my Bible and instead of going to church I went to his parent’s house. Last night, this morning and on my way over I just kept praying over and over again that the Lord would give me the right words to say and that they would be His words. When arrived at the house I said one more quick prayer and walked up and knocked on the door.

After almost a minute of waiting I knocked again, a little harder. No response. I was puzzled… why had the Lord compelled me to come over here if there wasn’t anyone home? As usual my impatience was brought to light as I turned to walk back to my car and saw another car pull into the driveway. A man and a woman in their forties got out and looked me over. I must have looked pretty strange, Bible in hand and walking away from the front door and so I told them my name and said, “I knew your son, and wanted to talk to you if I could.” The awkward silence was deafening and the woman started to tear up.

The man said, “Sure. Come on in.”

As we walked into the house the woman excused herself and walked quickly up the stairs. The man said to me, “Would you like a drink?”

I said, “No thanks.”

He pointed to a couch in the living room and said,  “Have a seat while I get myself something.”

I sat a long leather couch that faced a large HD TV. Two other chairs were positioned facing the 52” behemoth and I began to look around. On several walls were family photos. Most of them had my friend in them along with his parents, his sister and several other folks that were probably his extended family and relatives. As I continued to look around the woman came down the stairs holding several things in her hand. Two of them were black, three-ringed binders that have silver and white writing all over them. The third object was a small black Moleskine journal that had a pen sticking out of it. She asked, “Would you like something to drink?” repeating it with almost the same inflection as her husband.

I said “No thanks.”

She said, “How did you know John?”

I told her how I had knew him and how long I had knew him and added that I had always fun when I was around him.

She smiled and said, “John was always that way. Fun to be around, life of the party. He loved singing and writing music.” As she talked the man walked in and sat in the other chair that occupied a small space next to a big bright window. In his hand was a glass of amber liquid with several ice cubes in it. As he sipped from the glass he looked at his wife, tension in his eyes and neck. “Looking back you’d never think that he was so sad inside,” she said, tears starting to fill her eyes again.

The man grabbed a small Kleenex box from the table closest to him and passed it to the woman. She took the box and placed it in her lap on top of the binders and journal. He looked at me, “So what did you want to talk about?”

I took a deep breath and said, “Actually sir, I was hoping to find out if there was anything you needed. If there was anything I could do to help. I know that may sound ridiculous at a time like this, but I’ve been through a lot of pain myself recently, and I’ve learned a few things along the way. I’m not a shrink or anything but I was John’s friend and I want to help in any way I can.”

The man stared at me. His wife looked down at the floor. “We called some of his other friends. To tell them what happened. They all freaked out. None of them wanted to talk to us. Our daughter…” The word caught in his throat. He took a breath and large swallow from his glass, ice cubes crashing back down to the almost empty glass. “Our daughter left and is with my Mother. They all blame us.”

“We loved John,” the woman said, starting to cry harder. “We always tried to do everything we could to make him happy. But he hated us. He blamed us whenever something went wrong. He said we were sabotaging his life ever since he was born.” She pulled more Kleenex out of the box and pressed them hard against her face. Her husband looked on with pity and tenderness in his face.

I said, “I’m so sorry Mrs. Smith. If this is too hard for you right now, I can come back after some time has passed.”

Her husband looked at me and said, “No, please stay. This is only going to get harder for us and right now you’re the only person who’s shown any interest in our son. We’re both just a little emotional right now. We probably need to talk about all this because it might help. No one else will listen to us right now.” He turned to his wife, “Do you want some water hon?”

She said, “No thanks.” She looked up and me and said, “I just don’t understand why you’re being so nice to us, when everyone else is treating us like scum.”

I took a deep breath and said, “Well to be honest, John never mentioned any of those things to me. And even if he had, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. If i can help just a little bit by listening to you and what you have to say then it’s worth it for us to have a blank slate. Does that make sense?”

The man nodded and looked back at his wife again. “Right now we could use a blank slate. Right now we both wish we could go back in time and do things differently.”

I write all that because over the past few months my love for music has been reawakened. From the ashes of loosing everything important to me 3 years ago has come the most intense period of songwriting I’ve ever experienced. In the past 3 months I’ve written 4 different completed songs, penned at least 7 lyrics and about 5 different melodies and sketches for future songs.

I’ve heard dozens of artists talk about pain and loss being the best catalyst for some of their best work and I think I’m seeing that played out in my life right now. That’s not to say what I’ve created has been remotely related to the events in my life that are acting as the fuel. In fact I tend to stay away from expressing those events in any way through the medium of music. Music is something I love so much is as if those events would poison and corrupt the beauty of the process. They may be stoking the fire but the end product is so far removed from those feelings the two seem unrelated.

Right now I have been collaborating with my good friend Rachel to help her produce a demo record to advance her musical career. She has so much talent and potential and so much talent that I can’t wait to see what is in store for her. Once that project is finished I plan to take a week or so of from work and other commitments to work on an album of my own. It will be a compilation of mostly original songs with one or two covers thrown in to bring it to full length. From there I plan to sing and peddle those songs at coffee houses, bars and street corners.

Until all that happens I have been blessed to have the opportunity to occasionally lead musical worship at my new home church, City Life Church in Burbank. It’s something that I once vowed I’d never return to and I am so glad that I’ve broken it. God has freed me from the bondage of fearing man and has infused me with a fear and awe of Jesus. Therefore I am free to worship and to lead others in worship as well.

One final thought I’d like to share with you all is regarding this blog. I’m still struggling with the fine line between sharing my thoughts and privacy. The result has been fear and lack of posting and sharing. Having spent some time “on the bench” from blogging I’m slowly going to put my self back in the game in hopes that I find that balance through trial and error. All that is to say I hope you’ll be checking back more often as I hope to be doing the same.

So here goes…

MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!

After what seems like a million years my sister and her boyfriend are now engaged to be married! This guy called to ask my permission and before he even had the words out of his mouth I said yes and gave my enthusiastic blessing! God has done amazing things in their relationship and it is so evident that He is the center of their lives both as individuals and as a couple. I am so excited for the both of them and can’t wait to help make their wedding an amazing day!

I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!

After what also seems like a million years I will now be back on the path to finish my BA Degree in Communications. I have enrolled at Regent University in Virginia via their Online Campus. As many of you know I made a promise to my Mom before she was ushered into the Loving Arms of Jesus that no matter what happened with her that I would finish my degree. One of my core requirements for this to happen was not to go into any additional debt. Through my current employer I will likely qualify for full tuition reimbursement for almost all of my classes. I am so grateful for the Lord’s provision to make that promise to my Mom a reality!

DNR MUSIC HAS BEEN “REVIVED”!

Some of you may not know but back in 2004 I and a few friends got together for the purposes of creating, playing and producing music. We called ourselves “DNR” standing for “Do Not Revive” tying into the idea that this earth is not our home and that ultimately that if faced with the decision to be “revived” into our frail earthly body or to be with Jesus forever the choice would be “Do Not Revive”. That being said, over the past few months I have been rearranging and reproducing our songs to finally put together a record to be release sometime at the beginning of next year. In the midst of that I have also teamed up the Rachel Hayes to help her produce a demo record to be release in October. Not only is she blessed with mountains of talent but she is like minded in being a light and missionary in the mainstream music industry.

I AM OFFICIALLY PART OF ANOTHER CHURCH PLANT!

In September of 2008 I started meeting with a guy named Mike Mixon. At the time he was the leader of a small group from Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley. After meeting with him for a while for Biblical Council and Discipleship, he invited me to be a part of his small group. On Wednesday nights we’d get together with about 10 other people in his cramped one bedroom apartment that he and his VERY pregnant wife were renting and on Sunday’s we’d trek out to Simi Valley to worship with the rest of Cornerstone. Around this same time Cornerstone was rethinking the difference between “going to church” and “being the church”. It took a while but eventually Mike and the Elders at Cornerstone realized that our group could better serve and worship Jesus and serve and love our community if we met as a church where we all lived and worked. To make a long story short we went from that small group of 10 people in a living room to a larger group of 50-60 people meeting in a small drama theater in the heart of Burbank each Sunday to raise the volume of praise in our city and in the world. And so a few weeks ago we officially became City Life Church Burbank. Right now I have the privilege of serving each and every Sunday on the Audio/Video Team and occasionally on the Musical Worship Team. When I first talked with Mike almost 3 years ago I never imagined that I would be doing either of those things much less be part of something as exciting as a church plant.

Well that about wraps up the updates thus far. There are a few more things on the horizon that may be update worthy but until they are here and finalized I’ll leave you all with this passage that has been crushing my fears and raising my hopes.

“10And the LORD restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before. 11Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money and a ring of gold. 12And the LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. 13He had also seven sons and three daughters. 14And he called the name of the first daughter Jemimah, and the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-happuch. 15And in all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job’s daughters. And their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. 16And after this Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, four generations. 17And Job died, an old man, and full of days.” Job 42:10-17 (ESV)

Grief has has paid an unwelcome and unexpected visit…

These past few years May, June and July have been tough months but going forward it seems they will be tougher. The grief that has now visited the lives of others in close proximity to me is the same grief that I thought I had won over and my heart is heavy.

My heart is heavy because grief steals and shakes your confidence. My heart is heavy because grief is long lasting and ironically never truly dies. My heart is heavy because it doesn’t take much to remember the grief that stopped my life for a time and now it has stopped the lives of others whom I love and care about. The stabbing sensation just above your stomach and below your chest that produces sobs of anguish and emotional upheaval has now made it’s entrance into the hearts of dear friends and I hurt for them.

Thankfully God has constantly reminded me that Jesus wasn’t immune from grief and sorrow. Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” (ESV emphasis mine). When Lazarus died Jesus wept. The Garden of Gethsemane was no picnic either. Jesus literally bled with grief and sorrow that night. I take comfort in the fact that our Saviour and the one who set the example for us in this race that we call life, did not ignore His grief, condemn His grief or live for His grief.

What a loving and gracious God to send us His Son to set the example that grief is okay and is a part of life here on this broken, messy and jacked up earth. God could have said grief was a sin and then where would be? Instead, He allowed Lazarus to die in order to bring glory to Himself through His Son Jesus’s grief.

I can rest in Jesus, trust Jesus, love Jesus and serve Jesus during my grief knowing that “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21 ESV) and knowing that The Father and the Son both grieved over that event.

Please shut up.

You’re continuing false prophecies are not only sinful they are tarnishing the name of Jesus and His followers. You are not only driving your own followers away but you are confusing and misleading non-believers as well. Your claims to know the hour and the day when God’s rapture will happen have no basis in scripture, no basis in reality and no business being said.

I am outraged, sickened but not surprised that there has been a financial windfall from all of this into the accounts that you control and run. Your so-called prophecies have been wrong on more than one occasion, yet instead of repenting of your lies you continue to use the media platform you have built for yourself to glorify lies of the world instead of glorifying the truth of the Gospel. Your media platform and message of lies has reached millions. Instead of making glorious the name of Jesus and His Gospel of truth and redemption, you have chosen to make money and build an empire using a well-worn tool of the devil… fear.

You have played on the fears of millions…

And while they are just as responsible for believing your lies as you are for telling them, you have a greater responsibility as a (so-called) minister of the Word to preach the truth of God’s Word without catering to people’s emotions, fears or the whim of their desires. You preach of God’s judgment and the hour at which He will rapture His church. Yet you yourself forget that you will be judged for your deeds as well. And as someone claiming to be a minister of the word your judgment will be more harsh as a result.

I hope you repent of your greed. I hope you repent of your lies. I hope you repent of your misrepresentation of the Gospel. I hope you repent of your abuse of Jesus name.

But most of all I hope you’ll just shut up.

This weekend I am facing a choice point.

I have to decide between two paths to follow. Neither path seems to have drastic drawbacks and neither of them seem to have burly benefits. One has more short term gain but no guarantee of long term endurance. The other will more than likely pay off in the long run but there will be some sacrifice in the short term.

In some respects it’s like the game of chess. For example, a player that develops his pieces early and attacks often may have the upper hand for the short term. There’s always a chance that it will pay off in the long run, but most of the time the early attacks can loose tempo midway through the game because every attack risks your pieces and leaves your own King without protection. The short term gains just don’t pay off sometimes.

On the flip side there’s the motto that “Inch by inch life is a cinch… Yard by yard it’s very, very hard.” Much has been written, blogged (and yelled at me) about the value of “Delayed Gratification.” In the game of chess a patient player will develop his pieces at the right time, protect the King first and then strategize about a well-thought-out plan of attack. There are no accidental moves as everything is choreographed to win the game through persistence and dedication.

Two approaches and both have their pros and cons. In the game of chess a really good player can turn either strategy into a victory and a poor player will fail either way. It seems to me that the key is not which strategy works or doesn’t works, it’s the quality of the player behind the game.

Unfortunately in the chess game of life I haven’t exactly been a strong player. I have a lot of losses in my playbook and very few wins. Under pressure I loose perspective and commit blunders of epic proportions and end up with my King cornered and running scared. When I win it’s usually not anything that I’ve done, it’s usually because my opponent was worse at the game than me. There are rare occasions where some plan of mine pays off and I am able to execute it and play a good endgame, but those times are far and few between.

So when it comes to making decisions, I hesitate to act on my own. I have to think through everything, get input from others and then forge ahead hoping that the decision I make will turn out okay. My preference is to have God back me into a corner and force me onto one particular path and eliminate the x-factor that is my weak human flesh. However, God’s will is not always very clear, especially when it comes to choosing between things that aren’t outright sinful or wrong.

When I am faced with a choice between right and wrong, I know the difference between the two very well and so my choice boils down to pleasing God, or pleasing myself. When I choose to please God I do the right thing and when I choose to please myself I do the wrong thing. But how to make a choice between two thing that are neither right nor wrong, especially when God is being silent about His will?

I think the answer may lie in a verse or two that have come to mind as I try to navigate through the decision making process:

[33] But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
-Matthew 6:33 ESV

[31] So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
-1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

[12] I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. [13] I can do all things through Him (Christ Jesus) who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:12-13 ESV

First, I have to seek God first and foremost. Whether or not I receive a clear answer about which path to take, whatever decision I make I have to seek the Lord first. That involves lots of prayer and patience. Prayer for clear direction but also patience to let things happen in God’s timing. Even when it may seem that the decision is coming down to the wire, God can still act to intervene in circumstances.

Second, not matter what I do, I MUST glorify God doing it. If one of the choices will allow me to glorify God better than other the I MUST pursue the path that gives God greater glory. If there doesn’t appear to be a path that greater glorifies God then the path chosen should be explored and dissected for every opportunity to glorify God.

Third, throughout the decision making process and especially after the decision is made, I need to be content in Christ alone. Because I am a follow of Christ, the decisions I make have no bearing whatsoever on my salvation because ultimately Christ’s work on the cross is sufficient for that. Whether or not the decision works out, my salvation is built on The Solid Rock of Christ and not the fleeting pros and cons of this world. My perspective should be that no matter what path I choose and no matter what the outcome of that choice, I will be secure in my salvation and therefore I can endure I can rejoice in the times of need just I can rejoice in the times of plenty.

So I hope over the next week or two you’ll be praying for the decisions that lie ahead for me. I also hope that you’ll be praying for the decisions that you will face in all due time.

On Monday night I had the awesome privilege of worshiping and celebrating what God has done with some folks from the college and young adults group at my former church.

Check out the video below to get a feel for how the Lord is using that group and then read on.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I still cry every time I watch that video. We all watched it Monday night and it was a sobering reminder of just how awesome God is and how faithful He is to those that truly seek to follow after Him no matter what the cost. The folks at The Bridge (now called Fuse) abandoned the normal pew-warming, Bible-ignoring mess called Sub-Cultural-Christianity and with wreck-less abandon of the things of this world they have counted the cost to serve and love Jesus and love the lost and love each other in ways that are remarkable to the reachable and inspiring to the impassioned and convicting to the complacent.

But Monday night was not about a pat on the back, it was about change for the sake of the body of believers that call that ministry home and change that will radically impact how they see their role in the global Church and especially in their community.

Instead of meeting together every Monday as they have been doing for the past 5 years they are going to meet for an hour before the Sunday night service at their church talking and praying through various topics, attend the service together and spend the week serving and loving each other and their community. What use to be Small Groups that meet on Wednesday Nights will now be Missions Groups that will serve their community once a month as a group and will gather for corporate times of worship and reflection once a month as well. Rather than doing Small Groups the way it’s always been done, their Pastor Greg (from the video) has clearly seen the need for his flock to not merely be hearers of the word but doers as well. Pastor Greg wants to set them up to succeed at doing that, but involves changing the way things have been done and the way people have thought for the past 5 years.

Bringing about change in the flock is no easy task for one who has been called to shepherd God’s people. It involves lots and lots of prayer, Godly council from those older and wiser as well as the strength and fortitude to stand their ground when it comes to their conviction about the change being both Biblical and necessary to better serve The Master. Pastor Greg’s heart is unquestionably one that seeks after God and seeks after the well-being of those that have been entrusted to his care. Everyone at Fuse has seen his heart and so it is very evident that the changes being made are not being taken lightly nor or are they being done from some sort of selfish motive.

What is most remarkable about this change is the manner in which it was communicated to the flock. I can honestly say I’ve seen many Pastors at churches large and small fail to communicate change in a meaningful and understandable way but my brother Greg did not fail. Not only was it meaningful by arranging for people to share about their past experiences with the group, but even visitors that had never attended before understood that it was time for this flock to take their next step in their journey of faith. Pastor Greg was gentle in answering the questions that people had but he was firm in his Biblical teaching about why the change was not just necessary, but something that God desired for the group through the lens of scripture.

Today it’s easy to find good communicators with a low view of scripture or bad communicators with a high view of scripture. It is very rare in the American Church today to find someone that not only has a high view of scripture, but can communicate it in a way that contextualizes the message for their flock while still contending for the most important theological points. Pastor Greg is man that has truly been blessed by God since he first started leading Fuse 5 years ago.

All that being said, keep Fuse in your prayers as they navigate these changes over the next few weeks and months. Pray that God will calm the hearts of those that have a hard time with change and that He would enable those that are already on board with the changes to encourage those that are still struggling. Most of all pray that Fuse will continue to be a place where God’s Word is not only heard, but is lived out in the life of it’s people on a daily basis.

[22] But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. [23] For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. [24] For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. [25] But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.
-James 1:22-25 ESV

[58] Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
-1 Corinthians 15:58 ESV

Have you ever been stuck on the side of the road because your car wasn’t working?

I have and it can be a pretty scary experience. You feel helpless and if you’re in an isolated area thoughts of survival aren’t too far off. Here in Southern California anything and everything that happens in life happens because of your car. Going to work, going to the store, going to see a friend, going to church etc all happens by car. There is a rather complex but vastly under-resourced public transportation system here in LA that a lot of people do use, but take one ride on any freeway between the hours of 7Am and 11AM Monday-Friday and you’ll realize that not enough people use it, nor would there be enough trains and buses if more people used it.

That being said, the car is your home for long stretches of the week and to have it stop working on you can mean big trouble.

That’s why, when I was on my way home from work the other night, that I decided to help out a stranded group of people on the side of the road.

It was pretty late in the evening and on the stretch of road we were on there was actually fog and mist out and about (or Oot and Aboot for my Canadian readers). There were three young folks in their early 20′s waving their arms as cars drove by. After making a safe U-Turn I came back around and pulled in behind their car. I was greeted by two skinny Asian men and one even skinnier Asian woman.

Our conversation went something like this:

“Thank you so much for stopping!” They all said loudly.

“So what happened to your car?” I asked.

“We think the battery died. Can you give us a jump start?”

“Do you have jumper cables?”

“Oh yes! Yes! We do! Will you help us?”

Now let me break in at this point to size-up the situation for you. First, I had already established that this probably wasn’t some elaborate scheme to harm me or trick me. Their body language was tense and stressed, not nervous and jumpy like someone lying would have been. They all looked me in the eye and didn’t exhibit signs of either aggression or deception. Second, once I felt the situation was safe, leaving and not helping them would have been kind of silly. It was a pretty isolated stretch of road so it would’ve been a while before someone else stopped or before Law Enforcement or AAA would have arrived. Third, I felt like doing something good for someone else for a change.

“Sure I’ll help you.”

“OH! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!” They all shouted.

“It’s my pleasure.” (You can take the Cliff out of Chick-Fil-A but you can’t take the Chick-Fil-A out of Cliff.)

“We’ve been here for so long! Thank you so much! You saved us!”

“I didn’t save you guys, you saved yourselves.” (How many times have I seen that movie?)”If you hadn’t kept trying to flag people down…”

And so I pulled my car around and positioned in front of theirs while they opened their trunk (I kept a careful eye our for tire irons, shotguns, dead bodies and nunchucks) and pulled out the jumper cables. Hoods were opened cables were attached and after a few revs of Black Stallion’s 178 Horses their car had started up after a few turns of the key.

Then something happened that I didn’t expect…

“Thank you so much! I am going to give you a hug!” Said the girl.

“What?” I asked.

“Can I give you a hug for your helping us?” She asked excitedly.

“Well…”

“We’ll all give you a hug! You saved us!” Said the two guys.”

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

I, a complete stranger, was now being offered three hugs from three skinny Asian people, for simply pulling over and helping out. The time it took from when I first spotted them to the time I’d be back on the road was less than 10 minutes and yet they felt it necessary to offer hugs in gratitude of my measly help.

What in the world was wrong with them?

You don’t just hug a complete stranger for so little a sacrifice! You have to build up to a hug! Especially from three people at once! But here they were offering a small token of their affection for a stranger helping out in a time of need. Assessing the situation again, I decided I would accept the hugs one at a time.

After the hugging was over, and I felt like I was an old friend saying goodbye, they got in their car thanking me all the way, and I got in my car wondering why I was so shocked by what had just happened.

You see most people would have just said thanks, maybe they would have shook your hand and that would be that. No hugs, little gratitude and very little emotion on either part. At best you may get a few dollars for your trouble. At worst you’d get some crazy psycho that’s tying to murder you…

But a hug is very personal. It involves physical contact and is usually reserved for people that you know pretty well and have some sort of relationship with: friendship, courtship, family etc. But they were strangers and in all likelihood I will never see them again in this lifetime. So why did it tangle me up inside?

Because they helped me, more than I helped them.

They helped me to see that doing something nice for someone isn’t an obligation, isn’t a requirement and certainly isn’t a means of salvation. It’s an opportunity.

It’s an opportunity to take a risk.
It’s an opportunity to show grace.
It’s an opportunity to experience a taste of heaven down here on Earth.

Because in heaven we will be hugging and spending all of eternity with people that are complete strangers and yet, we’ll all have the same focus: Jesus. But down here on earth, we don’t all have the same focus and we are sojourners in a temporary place.

[34] You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
-Leviticus 19:34 ESV

Just as the Israelites were sojourners in Egypt, so we all (Christian or non-Christian) are sojourners here on Earth waiting for Deliverance and Redemption. It will ALWAYS be the exception to the rule when you show kindness to a fellow sojourner and it will ALWAYS be the exception when you are shown kindness by a fellow sojourner.

I was shocked to be shown kindness by those three folks on the road and in some ways it’s intimidating and in honest ways it’s convicting. It’s intimidating because they set the bar really high for when I show kindness to those that have shown me kindness. And it’s convicting because I can’t believe the bar was so low before.

So the next time you see someone stranded on the side of the road, remember this:

[1] Let brotherly love continue. [2] Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
-Hebrews 13:1-2 ESV

When I’m at work I’m always looking over my shoulder. The desk that I am at is wonderful because it faces a window but he disadvantage is that the door and the rest of the office is behind me. I listen to music all day while I’m working but because we don’t all share the same taste in music we all wear headphones. All that means is that there is a lot that can and does go on behind me and I have to physically turn my head to keep up with everything that happens throughout the day.

The problem with this is that I continually loose focus on the task at hand. The majority of the time when I am looking over my shoulder what’s going on has nothing to do with me. And usually when there is something that pertains to me I am contacted directly via email or IM. My supervisor here is VERY good about communicating what he needs from me. His expectations are clearly laid out and the project managers that I work with are pretty organized too. Right now, I could do my job without ever interacting with a live human. Between email, IM and task management tools I could conceivably sit at my desk all day and never leave except for breaks.

So why do I have so much trouble focusing on what’s in front of me and find it necessary to keep looking over my shoulder?

The honest answer is…

Sometimes it’s because I want to be useful and be a problem solver and provide resources to my co-workers. Sometimes it’s because they are working on an interesting project and I want to learn more about it. Sometimes it’s because they are learning something new and I want to learn to.

But most of the time it’s fear.

It’s fear that causes me to look over my shoulder and want to be involved with the things going on behind me.

My fear is that whatever is going on behind me will affect or derail the project that is in front of me.

The problem is, looking over my shoulder is the problem, not what’s going on behind me. Learning to trust that whatever is going on behind me is probably not my concern (and in some cases none of my business) is a hard lesson for me.

Just like it was for Lot’s wife. She was concerned with what was going on behind her in Sodom and Gomorrah and the consequences for turning around was her life.

[24] Then the LORD rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the LORD out of heaven. [25] And he overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. [26] But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
-Genesis 19:26 ESV (emphasis mine)

That can be so true for any of us…

I’ve spent a lot of my life looking over my shoulder in fear of the past and in distrust of God. I wish it was easy to leave my mistakes behind and press on toward what is ahead…

[12] Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. [13] Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, [14] I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 3:12-14 ESV (emphasis mine)

The phrase “straining forward” is the picture of someone running a race and hurtling themselves toward the finish line in a full body burst of energy.

Unfortunately I’ve been pretty lazy running the race these past few years. I’m not even sure if I’ve been running the race so much as sitting on the sidelines watching others zoom by with all their heart, soul, mind and strength toward the finish line. To be honest I’m not even sure who put me there to begin with. After the Firestorm and loosing my Mom, it was probably me who put myself there.

At first it seemed like the right thing to do. I had no business helping others when I couldn’t even help myself. How could I point others to a God whom I had grown to distrust. How could I point someone else to a Bible I barely read (past tense) anymore because I didn’t like what it had to say about pain, suffering and persecution. It all adds up to me taking myself out of the race and letting others pass me by while I “got better.”

The problem was I spent so much time looking over my shoulder at how poorly I ran the first half of the race, that I got distracted from the rest of the race still yet to come. But something inside of me is changing and I can only describe it one way:

I am now the underdog… and I LOVE the underdogs.

Just ask anyone who’s ever been around me during a major (waste of time) sporting event and you’ll know that I always root for the team that’s suppose to loose. I root for the horse that’s not favored to win. I root for the quarterback who’s lost all his games. I root for those bums the Dodgers. I love the come-from-behind-and-kick-butt story! The formula is built into every movie ever made!

Think about it…

Look at your watch the next time you’re at a movie that’s about 2 hours long and set your watch for 75 minutes in. The hero’s plans have failed. They are isolated with no hope and things are looking really bad. Then it happens! Something gives them moral support and it strengthens their character to the point where they are willing to continue. It’s the second turning point (or plot point if you’re old fashioned) and the final conflict between the hero and their obstacle will result in total loss or total victory and resolution!

I believe I have reached the second turning point. The first was turning my life over to Christ.

The second turning point for me is realizing that I know how this race turns out. So I’m warming up and getting ready to get back out there and finish this race well. I’m stretching some old muscles that haven’t been used for a while and I’m recalling my training.

And then watch out… Because this is one runner who not be looking over their shoulder anymore.

A long time ago I first watched an amazing and timeless film called “The Wizard Of Oz.” For those of you that haven’t seen it… Oh who am I kidding if you haven’t seen it you’re a looser…

If you know the story skip ahead of the summary below, but just note that you’ll be missing some potential inside jokes.

**PLOT SUMMARY BEGIN**

Twelve-year-old orphan Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) lives in rural Kansas with her Aunt Em (Clara Blandick), Uncle Henry (Charles Grapewin), and three farm hands, Hickory (Jack Haley), Hunk (Ray Bolger), and Zeke (Bert Lahr). When irascible townswoman Miss Almira Gulch (Margaret Hamilton) is bitten by Dorothy’s dog Toto, she gets a sheriff’s order and takes Toto away to be euthanized. The dog escapes and returns to Dorothy. She runs away with Toto to protect him.

Dorothy soon encounters a fortune teller (and professional Midwestern huckster) named Professor Marvel (Frank Morgan in the first of five roles he plays in the film). He guesses Dorothy’s situation. He commands her to close her eyes so that he can tell her fortune. While her eyes are shut, Professor Marvel sneaks a look at a photo of Dorothy and Aunt Em. He tells Dorothy that Aunt Em has fallen ill from grief, causing her to rush back to the farmhouse just as a sudden tornado rolls in. Unable to join her family in the locked storm cellar, she takes shelter inside the house and is knocked unconscious by a window which comes loose.

When she first awakes she finds herself up inside the cyclone watching people, pets and a pesky witch thumbing for hitch fly by her window. When the house lands, intact, she opens the door and finds herself over the rainbow in a magical but somewhat dangerous land known as Oz. Stepping out of what was up to then a sepia-toned black-and-white film into full three-strip Technicolor, Dorothy finds herself in a strange village. Glinda, (the “Guh” is silent) the Good Witch of the North (Billie Burke), arrives magically via a bubble. She informs Dorothy that she (or rather her falling house) has killed the Wicked Witch of the East.

The timid Munchkins come out of hiding to celebrate the demise of the Witch by singing a medley that includes “Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead“. The Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton again) magically appears and tries to claim her sister’s powerful ruby slippers. However, Glinda uses her powers to transfer the slippers from the dead witch onto Dorothy’s feet and reminds the Witch of the West that her power is ineffectual in Munchkinland. The Witch vows revenge on Dorothy (uttering her famous line, “I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little dog, too!”) before leaving the same way she arrived. Glinda advises Dorothy to seek the help of the mysterious Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City however Dorothy, being a girl, has no sense of direction. Glenda advises her to simply “follow the yellow brick road” in order to find her way to the Wizard. She warns Dorothy never to remove the slippers or she will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch.

After a musical send-off from the kindly and whimsical munchkins, Dorothy soon faces a crossroads on the yellow brick road. There she discovers a dancing and musical Scarecrow (Ray Bolger again) that hasn’t got any brains. Dorothy finds him fascinating and invites him to go off with her to see the Wizard (the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.) Her reason is because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does.

It’s not long before the duo becomes a trio after discovering a Tin Man (Tin Woodsman to be exact) rusting in the woods. He has no heart and would give anything to feel love. Dorothy and the Scarecrow invite him to join them on the trip to see the Wizard. After a brief second run-in with the Wicked Witch, the trio finally come face to face with a large but Cowardly Lion. The Lion is also seeking something: the nerve…

The three decide to accompany Dorothy in the hope that the Wizard will also give them their desires. Along the way, they behave in ways which demonstrate that they already have the qualities they believe they lack: the Scarecrow has several good ideas, the Tin Man is kind and sympathetic, and the Lion is ready to face danger, even though he is terrified.

Their triumph is thwarted temporarily by a field of poppies, poppies that make them sleep. In a pure Deus Ex Machina plot point, Glenda steps in and causes it to snow, thus putting the poison poppies plum out of punch and allowing the weary friends to arrive at the Emerald City. After getting cleaned up they are given an audience with the Wizard of Oz, who appears as a disembodied and imposing head. In a booming voice, he states that he will consider granting their wishes if they bring him the Wicked Witch’s broomstick.

They set out for the Witch’s castle, but she detects them and dispatches her army of flying monkeys; they carry Dorothy and Toto back to her. When the Witch threatens to drown Toto, Dorothy agrees to give up the slippers, but a shower of sparks prevents their removal. While the Witch is distracted, Toto escapes. The Witch says that the shoes cannot be removed unless Dorothy dies; she leaves to ponder how to accomplish this without damaging the shoes.

Toto finds Dorothy’s friends and leads them to the castle. After ambushing some of the Winkie guards, they disguise themselves in the guards’ uniforms, enter, and free Dorothy. The Witch and her soldiers pursue and corner the group on a parapet. Then the Witch sets the Scarecrow’s arm on fire. When Dorothy throws water on her friend, she accidentally splashes the horrified Witch. To everyone’s surprise, the Witch melts away. The soldiers are delighted. Their captain (Mitchell Lewis) gives Dorothy the broomstick.

Upon their triumphant return to the Emerald City, Toto exposes the Wizard (Frank Morgan again) as a fraud, opening a curtain and revealing a non-magical man operating a giant console of wheels and levers. They are outraged, but the Wizard solves their problems with common sense and a little double talk. He explains that they already had what they had been searching for all along and only need things such as medals and diplomas to confirm it. The Wizard reveals that he too was born in Kansas and that he was brought to Oz by a runaway hot air balloon. He offers to take Dorothy home in the same balloon, leaving the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion in charge of the Emerald City.

Just before takeoff, Toto jumps out of the balloon’s basket to chase a cat. Dorothy follows him, and the wizard, unable to control the balloon, leaves without her. She is resigned to spending the rest of her life in Oz until Glinda appears and tells her that she has always had the power to return home. Glinda explains that she did not tell Dorothy at first because she needed to find out for herself that she doesn’t need to run away to find her heart’s desire. Dorothy says a tearful goodbye to her friends and then follows Glinda’s instructions, closing her eyes, tapping her heels together three times, and chanting “There’s no place like home.”

The film reverts to sepia tone and Dorothy awakens in her bedroom in Kansas, surrounded by family and friends, suggesting she was unconscious the whole time. She tells them of her journey. Aunt Em tells Dorothy that it was all a dream, but she pleads otherwise. In any case, Dorothy promises everyone that she will never leave home ever again, for she loves them all, and there’s no place like home.

**PLOT SUMMARY END**

When I first started blogging 5 years ago it was a way for me to share my feelings thoughts, announcements about things that were going on as well lessons I was learning on the yellow brick road of life. I’ve met some interesting characters along the way, encountered my share of good witches and an even more abundant supply of wicked witches and flying monkeys. The reason I chose the name “Tales From The Yellow Brick Road” is because I feel as if I am traveling down the yellow brick road just as Dorothy did only this yellow brick road leads to more than the Emerald City.

Like Dorothy, I’m longing for home… An eternal home. It’s so easy to seek comfort in this world that’s over the rainbow. Filled with pleasures of all kinds both good and bad. It’s filled with friends for encouragement and enemies for discouragement.

Unlike Dorothy some people I’ve traveled with have already been called home but until God says otherwise, I’m still stuck here in Oz. I miss them and it’s inevitable that there will be others who go home before me. They know what I will some day experience… that there’s no place like home.

I’ve done my best over the years to share what’s on my heart and be honest with what’s going on in my life. Sometimes it’s too much and I get in trouble. Sometimes it’s not enough and I get in trouble. Somewhere is a balance between sharing my life in a VERY public (and now Semi-Permanent forum) and protecting my own privacy and the privacy of those that are a part of my life. If I could, I’d try and blog every day about things that I’ve learned, thoughts that I’ve had or frustrations and setbacks that I’ve experienced. The problem is my life is linked to others in my life who wouldn’t necessarily be thrilled if I was open and honest with the world about conversations we’ve had or problems between us.

Since the beginning of the Firestorm with my former church, and intensifying after my Mom went home to be with Jesus, I have NOT had the opportunity to be completely open and honest with my feelings, the things going on in my life or the lessons I’ve been learning. In other words this blog has been mostly useless for almost 3 years.

Therefore, I’d like to pose a few questions to you, the reader/subscriber:

1. Do I shut down the blog and keep keep it online as an archive of things that once were but are no longer, thus freeing me to take up other writing projects?
2. Do I go back to the original intention of the blog and lay my life out there for everyone to see? There will be consequences, embarrassment, relief and freedom on my part but for those in my life it could be uncomfortable and even upsetting because from time to time they may end up as a subject of a post or two.
3. Do I go back to the original intention of the blog and lay my life out there for everyone to see, but password protect it and limit access to just friends and family whom I trust? This may still be uncomfortable for some but at least it won’t be out there for the entire world to see.
4. Do I continue to heavily censor myself and end up not blogging at all because I rather be silent than be restricted to only those thoughts, feelings, topics and that are deemed appropriate and Politically Correct enough for those in my life? I’d remain guarded and secretive in my posts and everyone but me will be happy.
5. What do you thing should happen with this blog?
6. Do you like one of the above suggestions?
7. Do you have your own suggestion?
8. Do you not really care what happens one way or another?

You’re feedback on this is not only essential, but it will directly affect the decision that’s made. So what that means is you’ll need to leave a comment below. You can also email me but it any emails will be posted here. A lot of you may read this through Facebook and comment there, but I’d prefer a comment below. It saves me the trouble of transferring it over here, plus I want your thoughts to influence and bounce off the other suggestions and their descendants (if any) here.

IMAGE: Google changed their logo in honor of the 71st Anniversary of the World Premiere of “The Wizard of Oz”

“Some people believe that I am not qualified, nor will I ever be qualified to be a Pastor. But because of what we’ve been through I may be qualified to help other people in need.”

Haggard’s wife Gayle, stuck with him through the past 3/12 years and wrote a book called “Why I Stayed.”

But as most of your probably didn’t hear in January of this year a Pastor in Georgia named Gary Lamb decided that 8 months after having an affair that “cost me everything” was the perfect time to start a new church. He also knew that there would be an understandable backlash to his decision and wrote,

“I understand that so many people will disagree with this decision and I respect those thoughts. However, confirmation through friends, pastor’s, and the many doors that God is opening, I truly believe that it’s time to start moving through those doors.”

Lamb is currently going through a divorce with his wife.

So here’s what I’m thinking through…

What sins disqualify a Pastor for a time and which ones disqualify him permanently from being in ministry permanently?

Should either of these guys be starting a new church?

What about the fact that they are starting churches in the same area as their former church… is that the best for the sheep at their former churches?

If they shouldn’t be Pastor’s then what should their role in a church be? Pew potato? Usher, Deacon, Janitor?

Should Divorce disqualify you period, end of story? Isn’t Divorce only permissible if the unfaithfulness is ongoing and the person unrepentant?

What about a couple that survives the infidelity and remians married? Does that mean they are more repentant?

I want to hear your thoughts. Email me or leave a comment here on the blog.

Not all of it was well written and some of it is just plain boring but my goal is to post as much as possible on here while excluding posts that really shouldn’t be on the internet as well as edit some of them to protect privacy. Once it starts getting added I’ll post the links here and on Twitter in hopes that while posting the archives, I’ll have some inspiration to re-visit topics and post more stuff from the present day.

Today I spent the day with my Sister and her Boyfriend Daniel driving out to Riverside to place flowers on my Mom’s grave. It was a tough outing but it needed to be done. It helped not to be alone or apart from each other as kids who have lost a Parent. I spent some time on the car ride out praying for the family of Peggy Sturgis who was ushered into the loving arms of Jesus not to long ago. I know what it’s like to spend Mother’s Day without a Mom.

Mother’s Day will always be a difficult day for the rest of my life. I miss her so much everyday, but Mother’s Day is particularly hard. I miss spoiling her with a homemade card, dinner at whatever nice restaurant she chose and being able to spend time that day loving her, hugging her and appreciating all that she meant to me. Her success at being an amazing Mother emphasizes to me how often I failed at being a good son. It took her diagnosis with cancer and her first brush with death in October of 2006 for me to realize (too late) that I had never treated her with the respect and love that she deserved. I have so many regrets at how I treated her as a kid as a teenager and especially as a young adult. And now it’s too late to make up for any of it because she’s gone. Her memory is in my heart, but her presence is thankfully with the Lord… He never let her down… even in death.

Three years ago today I wept uncontrollably when I learned that my Beloved Sister In Christ Alese Coco had been ushered into the presence of Jesus. She was and is an inspiration to everyone that learns her story. Alese and I were very good friends and while I miss our crazy adventures together, our mutual love for TV Shows (She would have LOOOVED Glee!) and our tendency to not let others in on our inside joke, what I miss most is our conversations about the Lord, and who He was in our life. I’ll miss the times when we’d play and sing a worship song over and over again (much to the annoyance of others) because it gave us a chance to sing about our Savior for a little bit longer before it was time to go home. And even though I wish we’d had a chance to sing a little longer before she went home to be with Jesus, I am (as usual) jealous of her present relationship with the Lord. Right now she (along with my Mom) gets to sing and dance in the very presence of Jesus and there will be no end… because she is home. She is safe… she is comforted and most of all she is at rest in Him.

When In The Darkness

When in the darkness of this life I pass
I wonder when reprieve will come at last
‘Twill always cause my heartfelt thoughts to swirl
To fight against the power of this world

Standing o’re the abyss my step is frail
Therein the deepness darkness is a veil
A point of light can overcome the void
If soul and heart and faith can be deployed

Fear of others and thoughts toward me are lord
Though in my spirit there’s room for but one Lord
It’s He that draweth out the pain and sin
For over death and Satan He did win

‘Twas death’s cruel sting He conquered utterly
His Father’s plan was made so perfectly
Exchanging His own Son for me and you
Paying ransom’s debt it’s deathly due

Upon the tree His bloody body spread
He said, “Forgive them Dad” and then was dead
A borrowed tomb gave momentary rest
For He was just a transitory guest

And on that third day rising from the grave
The stone was rolled away from that dark cave
And now my grave-bound heart is free at last
When Jesus, through the dark of this life past

Click here to view the embedded video.

Love this song and keeping the words close to my heart right now… She sings the first and last verse but I’ve included them all because they are powerful.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word;
But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea—
Come, Friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

It is another one of those posts. You know, the ones I should not be writing but write anyway.

It is a very dark time in my life. I don’t know how else to describe it. About three or four weeks ago I changed. I don’t know how to describe this to you. Either I attempt to comfort you and preempt any sorrow by saying it is not really that bad and understate my circumstance, or I catalogue my thoughts to you with the possibility of misunderstanding and dread. All I can say is that I have had some sort of mental breakdown. My strength is gone. Depression? Certainly. Anxiety? Definitely. Fighting with the Lord? Most assuredly. All I know is that I broke a few weeks ago and I don’t know how to fix myself. All of the advice that I have given to broken people over the years is now pointed back at me and I realize how empty it can be.

Why? I don’t know. I wish I did. I have spent the last few weeks obsessing with how to get “me” back. I have analyzed every possible turn. God seems to have gone AWOL and I can’t get in touch with him other than through the cold hard facts. Facts are facts. They are nice, but I am coming to realize how much I need his presence in other ways. He has not been seen in this neck of the woods in quit some time. I am trying to reevaluate my expectations, but that is easier said than done. It is like when someone you love and have grown so used to has disappeared and you have everyone out looking for him but no one knows what happened. Fear sets in and every possible bad thing that could have happened becomes a valid option.

Lord, I guess I need to experience you. I need to see you. Maybe not physically, but like you used to. Things were going so well on so many fronts. My family was strong and they were all following you. Now everyone that I loved so dearly and saw you in is either dead, mentally incapacitated, doubting, or is pissed at me depressed. Some have three or four. It is so dark at mom’s house. It used to be so wonderful. You were there. And my ministry: it was a joy I turned to so often and found you when you were gone in other places. For years you had surprise moves that energized my spirit with your presence. Now you have left the building here as well. I have come to the point where I am timid and insecure. The mandate that I had is gone. I am exhausted. Completely exhausted. I still have no lack for ideas, I simply lack your blessing? I don’t know.

Lord, it is lonely without you. I know, I know. You are really there. You are in other things I am not seeing. I know you are teaching me something. But I don’t really want to learn this anymore. I am sorry, but if you take your presence away from me, what do you expect? I am so tired and I don’t know how to function in this environment. Can’t I learn it with you in the room?

I think I have cried more times in the last few weeks then I have in my entire life. My poor familywife does not know what to do.

To my readers: I ask for your prayers. I don’t know what it is like any longer to mount up on wings like eagles. I don’t know what the peace that passes understanding is anymore. I have the opposite and it does not seem to be going away any time soon. It is taking its toll on everyone I know and I understand why. I was the stable one. I was the one who demonstrated what faith in Christ could get you through. I was the one that set an example. I always had hope. Now I am a leper of sadness and hopelessness. I don’t know what I am asking for prayer for. I just want to be back to “normal.” I have been to see my am going to see my Pastor and have some rocks who are remaining stable. Please know that I am not going through this alone. Yet it is still so dark. I do ask you to talk to God about this on my behalf. As the Lord hangs on to me at this time, pray that he pulls me out of this pit. I do know I will get through this, but I need your prayers so much. I am broken.

When I read the Bible I am struck over and over again by the stories of people who were called by God to suffer.

Think about it…

From Cover to Cover there are countless stories of God’s people suffering and then God using those times in ways they could never imagine. There is even a whole section of Hebrews that is devoted to those who were called to suffer and lived by faith. Their stories serve as a reminder to us that while we are here on earth, we will be called to suffer. The greatest example of all is of course Jesus, who suffered so much that he sweat drops of blood before anyone had ever laid a hand on Him. If you’ve ever wondered if God can use suffering for His glory and for the redemption of mankind, you need look no further than example of suffering in Jesus Christ.

Over the past few years we have all been through a lot. We’ve lost loved ones, we’ve lost battles with evil, we’ve seen a groaning earth rumble and shake cities to the ground and we’ve probably all experienced some difficult financial times as well. For while, when I was in the heat of battle, I became very blind to the suffering of others. I was so consumed and wrapped up in what was going on with me, that I forgot about my fellow man. Yes, the firestorm and trials were very real and the pain was legitimate, but I turned a blind eye to those enduring unspeakable pain and suffering… God did not intend for us to suffer that way.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be contacting some of you and sharing some things that God has put on my heart. God has burdened me with a message that has changed my life. It’s the message of what the Gospel looks like when those of us who have been called to follow Christ are called to suffer. I’m also going to be contacting some of you and asking you to share your story about times when the Lord has called you to suffer. Some of you have been through some very difficult trials in your life and when I look at your life now, I can see how the Lord has shaped you a molded you because of that call to suffer.

If the Lord wills, the end result will be a resource, or set of resources, that will offer an alternative to our current view of what it means to suffer for the Lord. For now this project is entitled “The Call Of Suffering. The goal of these resources is to reshape and renew our minds when it comes to the topic of suffering in the life of a true follower of Christ. The reason for these resources is that during our times of suffering, it can be hard to understand our relationship with God. We fail to realize that a call to follow Christ, is a call of suffering in Christ. Today, most followers of Christ view suffering as unwanted, undeserved and unfair. However a careful and diligent study of God’s Word produces the constant theme of God calling His followers and even His only Son to suffer. In these resources, we’ll take a look at various instances in the Bible where God has called His people to suffer. We’ll also hear from and explore some present day examples of followers that God has called to suffer. Finally, we will fix our gaze on Jesus, who was called to suffer for the glory of His Father.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” Hebrews 12:1-3 (ESV)

Over the next few weeks I look forward to meetings and phone conversations with you as we learn about The Call Of Suffering.

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