On Monday night I had the awesome privilege of worshiping and celebrating what God has done with some folks from the college and young adults group at my former church.

Check out the video below to get a feel for how the Lord is using that group and then read on.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I still cry every time I watch that video. We all watched it Monday night and it was a sobering reminder of just how awesome God is and how faithful He is to those that truly seek to follow after Him no matter what the cost. The folks at The Bridge (now called Fuse) abandoned the normal pew-warming, Bible-ignoring mess called Sub-Cultural-Christianity and with wreck-less abandon of the things of this world they have counted the cost to serve and love Jesus and love the lost and love each other in ways that are remarkable to the reachable and inspiring to the impassioned and convicting to the complacent.

But Monday night was not about a pat on the back, it was about change for the sake of the body of believers that call that ministry home and change that will radically impact how they see their role in the global Church and especially in their community.

Instead of meeting together every Monday as they have been doing for the past 5 years they are going to meet for an hour before the Sunday night service at their church talking and praying through various topics, attend the service together and spend the week serving and loving each other and their community. What use to be Small Groups that meet on Wednesday Nights will now be Missions Groups that will serve their community once a month as a group and will gather for corporate times of worship and reflection once a month as well. Rather than doing Small Groups the way it’s always been done, their Pastor Greg (from the video) has clearly seen the need for his flock to not merely be hearers of the word but doers as well. Pastor Greg wants to set them up to succeed at doing that, but involves changing the way things have been done and the way people have thought for the past 5 years.

Bringing about change in the flock is no easy task for one who has been called to shepherd God’s people. It involves lots and lots of prayer, Godly council from those older and wiser as well as the strength and fortitude to stand their ground when it comes to their conviction about the change being both Biblical and necessary to better serve The Master. Pastor Greg’s heart is unquestionably one that seeks after God and seeks after the well-being of those that have been entrusted to his care. Everyone at Fuse has seen his heart and so it is very evident that the changes being made are not being taken lightly nor or are they being done from some sort of selfish motive.

What is most remarkable about this change is the manner in which it was communicated to the flock. I can honestly say I’ve seen many Pastors at churches large and small fail to communicate change in a meaningful and understandable way but my brother Greg did not fail. Not only was it meaningful by arranging for people to share about their past experiences with the group, but even visitors that had never attended before understood that it was time for this flock to take their next step in their journey of faith. Pastor Greg was gentle in answering the questions that people had but he was firm in his Biblical teaching about why the change was not just necessary, but something that God desired for the group through the lens of scripture.

Today it’s easy to find good communicators with a low view of scripture or bad communicators with a high view of scripture. It is very rare in the American Church today to find someone that not only has a high view of scripture, but can communicate it in a way that contextualizes the message for their flock while still contending for the most important theological points. Pastor Greg is man that has truly been blessed by God since he first started leading Fuse 5 years ago.

All that being said, keep Fuse in your prayers as they navigate these changes over the next few weeks and months. Pray that God will calm the hearts of those that have a hard time with change and that He would enable those that are already on board with the changes to encourage those that are still struggling. Most of all pray that Fuse will continue to be a place where God’s Word is not only heard, but is lived out in the life of it’s people on a daily basis.

[22] But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. [23] For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. [24] For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. [25] But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.
-James 1:22-25 ESV

[58] Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
-1 Corinthians 15:58 ESV

Have you ever been stuck on the side of the road because your car wasn’t working?

I have and it can be a pretty scary experience. You feel helpless and if you’re in an isolated area thoughts of survival aren’t too far off. Here in Southern California anything and everything that happens in life happens because of your car. Going to work, going to the store, going to see a friend, going to church etc all happens by car. There is a rather complex but vastly under-resourced public transportation system here in LA that a lot of people do use, but take one ride on any freeway between the hours of 7Am and 11AM Monday-Friday and you’ll realize that not enough people use it, nor would there be enough trains and buses if more people used it.

That being said, the car is your home for long stretches of the week and to have it stop working on you can mean big trouble.

That’s why, when I was on my way home from work the other night, that I decided to help out a stranded group of people on the side of the road.

It was pretty late in the evening and on the stretch of road we were on there was actually fog and mist out and about (or Oot and Aboot for my Canadian readers). There were three young folks in their early 20′s waving their arms as cars drove by. After making a safe U-Turn I came back around and pulled in behind their car. I was greeted by two skinny Asian men and one even skinnier Asian woman.

Our conversation went something like this:

“Thank you so much for stopping!” They all said loudly.

“So what happened to your car?” I asked.

“We think the battery died. Can you give us a jump start?”

“Do you have jumper cables?”

“Oh yes! Yes! We do! Will you help us?”

Now let me break in at this point to size-up the situation for you. First, I had already established that this probably wasn’t some elaborate scheme to harm me or trick me. Their body language was tense and stressed, not nervous and jumpy like someone lying would have been. They all looked me in the eye and didn’t exhibit signs of either aggression or deception. Second, once I felt the situation was safe, leaving and not helping them would have been kind of silly. It was a pretty isolated stretch of road so it would’ve been a while before someone else stopped or before Law Enforcement or AAA would have arrived. Third, I felt like doing something good for someone else for a change.

“Sure I’ll help you.”

“OH! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!” They all shouted.

“It’s my pleasure.” (You can take the Cliff out of Chick-Fil-A but you can’t take the Chick-Fil-A out of Cliff.)

“We’ve been here for so long! Thank you so much! You saved us!”

“I didn’t save you guys, you saved yourselves.” (How many times have I seen that movie?)”If you hadn’t kept trying to flag people down…”

And so I pulled my car around and positioned in front of theirs while they opened their trunk (I kept a careful eye our for tire irons, shotguns, dead bodies and nunchucks) and pulled out the jumper cables. Hoods were opened cables were attached and after a few revs of Black Stallion’s 178 Horses their car had started up after a few turns of the key.

Then something happened that I didn’t expect…

“Thank you so much! I am going to give you a hug!” Said the girl.

“What?” I asked.

“Can I give you a hug for your helping us?” She asked excitedly.

“Well…”

“We’ll all give you a hug! You saved us!” Said the two guys.”

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

I, a complete stranger, was now being offered three hugs from three skinny Asian people, for simply pulling over and helping out. The time it took from when I first spotted them to the time I’d be back on the road was less than 10 minutes and yet they felt it necessary to offer hugs in gratitude of my measly help.

What in the world was wrong with them?

You don’t just hug a complete stranger for so little a sacrifice! You have to build up to a hug! Especially from three people at once! But here they were offering a small token of their affection for a stranger helping out in a time of need. Assessing the situation again, I decided I would accept the hugs one at a time.

After the hugging was over, and I felt like I was an old friend saying goodbye, they got in their car thanking me all the way, and I got in my car wondering why I was so shocked by what had just happened.

You see most people would have just said thanks, maybe they would have shook your hand and that would be that. No hugs, little gratitude and very little emotion on either part. At best you may get a few dollars for your trouble. At worst you’d get some crazy psycho that’s tying to murder you…

But a hug is very personal. It involves physical contact and is usually reserved for people that you know pretty well and have some sort of relationship with: friendship, courtship, family etc. But they were strangers and in all likelihood I will never see them again in this lifetime. So why did it tangle me up inside?

Because they helped me, more than I helped them.

They helped me to see that doing something nice for someone isn’t an obligation, isn’t a requirement and certainly isn’t a means of salvation. It’s an opportunity.

It’s an opportunity to take a risk.
It’s an opportunity to show grace.
It’s an opportunity to experience a taste of heaven down here on Earth.

Because in heaven we will be hugging and spending all of eternity with people that are complete strangers and yet, we’ll all have the same focus: Jesus. But down here on earth, we don’t all have the same focus and we are sojourners in a temporary place.

[34] You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
-Leviticus 19:34 ESV

Just as the Israelites were sojourners in Egypt, so we all (Christian or non-Christian) are sojourners here on Earth waiting for Deliverance and Redemption. It will ALWAYS be the exception to the rule when you show kindness to a fellow sojourner and it will ALWAYS be the exception when you are shown kindness by a fellow sojourner.

I was shocked to be shown kindness by those three folks on the road and in some ways it’s intimidating and in honest ways it’s convicting. It’s intimidating because they set the bar really high for when I show kindness to those that have shown me kindness. And it’s convicting because I can’t believe the bar was so low before.

So the next time you see someone stranded on the side of the road, remember this:

[1] Let brotherly love continue. [2] Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
-Hebrews 13:1-2 ESV

When I’m at work I’m always looking over my shoulder. The desk that I am at is wonderful because it faces a window but he disadvantage is that the door and the rest of the office is behind me. I listen to music all day while I’m working but because we don’t all share the same taste in music we all wear headphones. All that means is that there is a lot that can and does go on behind me and I have to physically turn my head to keep up with everything that happens throughout the day.

The problem with this is that I continually loose focus on the task at hand. The majority of the time when I am looking over my shoulder what’s going on has nothing to do with me. And usually when there is something that pertains to me I am contacted directly via email or IM. My supervisor here is VERY good about communicating what he needs from me. His expectations are clearly laid out and the project managers that I work with are pretty organized too. Right now, I could do my job without ever interacting with a live human. Between email, IM and task management tools I could conceivably sit at my desk all day and never leave except for breaks.

So why do I have so much trouble focusing on what’s in front of me and find it necessary to keep looking over my shoulder?

The honest answer is…

Sometimes it’s because I want to be useful and be a problem solver and provide resources to my co-workers. Sometimes it’s because they are working on an interesting project and I want to learn more about it. Sometimes it’s because they are learning something new and I want to learn to.

But most of the time it’s fear.

It’s fear that causes me to look over my shoulder and want to be involved with the things going on behind me.

My fear is that whatever is going on behind me will affect or derail the project that is in front of me.

The problem is, looking over my shoulder is the problem, not what’s going on behind me. Learning to trust that whatever is going on behind me is probably not my concern (and in some cases none of my business) is a hard lesson for me.

Just like it was for Lot’s wife. She was concerned with what was going on behind her in Sodom and Gomorrah and the consequences for turning around was her life.

[24] Then the LORD rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the LORD out of heaven. [25] And he overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. [26] But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
-Genesis 19:26 ESV (emphasis mine)

That can be so true for any of us…

I’ve spent a lot of my life looking over my shoulder in fear of the past and in distrust of God. I wish it was easy to leave my mistakes behind and press on toward what is ahead…

[12] Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. [13] Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, [14] I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 3:12-14 ESV (emphasis mine)

The phrase “straining forward” is the picture of someone running a race and hurtling themselves toward the finish line in a full body burst of energy.

Unfortunately I’ve been pretty lazy running the race these past few years. I’m not even sure if I’ve been running the race so much as sitting on the sidelines watching others zoom by with all their heart, soul, mind and strength toward the finish line. To be honest I’m not even sure who put me there to begin with. After the Firestorm and loosing my Mom, it was probably me who put myself there.

At first it seemed like the right thing to do. I had no business helping others when I couldn’t even help myself. How could I point others to a God whom I had grown to distrust. How could I point someone else to a Bible I barely read (past tense) anymore because I didn’t like what it had to say about pain, suffering and persecution. It all adds up to me taking myself out of the race and letting others pass me by while I “got better.”

The problem was I spent so much time looking over my shoulder at how poorly I ran the first half of the race, that I got distracted from the rest of the race still yet to come. But something inside of me is changing and I can only describe it one way:

I am now the underdog… and I LOVE the underdogs.

Just ask anyone who’s ever been around me during a major (waste of time) sporting event and you’ll know that I always root for the team that’s suppose to loose. I root for the horse that’s not favored to win. I root for the quarterback who’s lost all his games. I root for those bums the Dodgers. I love the come-from-behind-and-kick-butt story! The formula is built into every movie ever made!

Think about it…

Look at your watch the next time you’re at a movie that’s about 2 hours long and set your watch for 75 minutes in. The hero’s plans have failed. They are isolated with no hope and things are looking really bad. Then it happens! Something gives them moral support and it strengthens their character to the point where they are willing to continue. It’s the second turning point (or plot point if you’re old fashioned) and the final conflict between the hero and their obstacle will result in total loss or total victory and resolution!

I believe I have reached the second turning point. The first was turning my life over to Christ.

The second turning point for me is realizing that I know how this race turns out. So I’m warming up and getting ready to get back out there and finish this race well. I’m stretching some old muscles that haven’t been used for a while and I’m recalling my training.

And then watch out… Because this is one runner who not be looking over their shoulder anymore.

A long time ago I first watched an amazing and timeless film called “The Wizard Of Oz.” For those of you that haven’t seen it… Oh who am I kidding if you haven’t seen it you’re a looser…

If you know the story skip ahead of the summary below, but just note that you’ll be missing some potential inside jokes.

**PLOT SUMMARY BEGIN**

Twelve-year-old orphan Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) lives in rural Kansas with her Aunt Em (Clara Blandick), Uncle Henry (Charles Grapewin), and three farm hands, Hickory (Jack Haley), Hunk (Ray Bolger), and Zeke (Bert Lahr). When irascible townswoman Miss Almira Gulch (Margaret Hamilton) is bitten by Dorothy’s dog Toto, she gets a sheriff’s order and takes Toto away to be euthanized. The dog escapes and returns to Dorothy. She runs away with Toto to protect him.

Dorothy soon encounters a fortune teller (and professional Midwestern huckster) named Professor Marvel (Frank Morgan in the first of five roles he plays in the film). He guesses Dorothy’s situation. He commands her to close her eyes so that he can tell her fortune. While her eyes are shut, Professor Marvel sneaks a look at a photo of Dorothy and Aunt Em. He tells Dorothy that Aunt Em has fallen ill from grief, causing her to rush back to the farmhouse just as a sudden tornado rolls in. Unable to join her family in the locked storm cellar, she takes shelter inside the house and is knocked unconscious by a window which comes loose.

When she first awakes she finds herself up inside the cyclone watching people, pets and a pesky witch thumbing for hitch fly by her window. When the house lands, intact, she opens the door and finds herself over the rainbow in a magical but somewhat dangerous land known as Oz. Stepping out of what was up to then a sepia-toned black-and-white film into full three-strip Technicolor, Dorothy finds herself in a strange village. Glinda, (the “Guh” is silent) the Good Witch of the North (Billie Burke), arrives magically via a bubble. She informs Dorothy that she (or rather her falling house) has killed the Wicked Witch of the East.

The timid Munchkins come out of hiding to celebrate the demise of the Witch by singing a medley that includes “Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead“. The Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton again) magically appears and tries to claim her sister’s powerful ruby slippers. However, Glinda uses her powers to transfer the slippers from the dead witch onto Dorothy’s feet and reminds the Witch of the West that her power is ineffectual in Munchkinland. The Witch vows revenge on Dorothy (uttering her famous line, “I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little dog, too!”) before leaving the same way she arrived. Glinda advises Dorothy to seek the help of the mysterious Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City however Dorothy, being a girl, has no sense of direction. Glenda advises her to simply “follow the yellow brick road” in order to find her way to the Wizard. She warns Dorothy never to remove the slippers or she will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch.

After a musical send-off from the kindly and whimsical munchkins, Dorothy soon faces a crossroads on the yellow brick road. There she discovers a dancing and musical Scarecrow (Ray Bolger again) that hasn’t got any brains. Dorothy finds him fascinating and invites him to go off with her to see the Wizard (the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.) Her reason is because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does.

It’s not long before the duo becomes a trio after discovering a Tin Man (Tin Woodsman to be exact) rusting in the woods. He has no heart and would give anything to feel love. Dorothy and the Scarecrow invite him to join them on the trip to see the Wizard. After a brief second run-in with the Wicked Witch, the trio finally come face to face with a large but Cowardly Lion. The Lion is also seeking something: the nerve…

The three decide to accompany Dorothy in the hope that the Wizard will also give them their desires. Along the way, they behave in ways which demonstrate that they already have the qualities they believe they lack: the Scarecrow has several good ideas, the Tin Man is kind and sympathetic, and the Lion is ready to face danger, even though he is terrified.

Their triumph is thwarted temporarily by a field of poppies, poppies that make them sleep. In a pure Deus Ex Machina plot point, Glenda steps in and causes it to snow, thus putting the poison poppies plum out of punch and allowing the weary friends to arrive at the Emerald City. After getting cleaned up they are given an audience with the Wizard of Oz, who appears as a disembodied and imposing head. In a booming voice, he states that he will consider granting their wishes if they bring him the Wicked Witch’s broomstick.

They set out for the Witch’s castle, but she detects them and dispatches her army of flying monkeys; they carry Dorothy and Toto back to her. When the Witch threatens to drown Toto, Dorothy agrees to give up the slippers, but a shower of sparks prevents their removal. While the Witch is distracted, Toto escapes. The Witch says that the shoes cannot be removed unless Dorothy dies; she leaves to ponder how to accomplish this without damaging the shoes.

Toto finds Dorothy’s friends and leads them to the castle. After ambushing some of the Winkie guards, they disguise themselves in the guards’ uniforms, enter, and free Dorothy. The Witch and her soldiers pursue and corner the group on a parapet. Then the Witch sets the Scarecrow’s arm on fire. When Dorothy throws water on her friend, she accidentally splashes the horrified Witch. To everyone’s surprise, the Witch melts away. The soldiers are delighted. Their captain (Mitchell Lewis) gives Dorothy the broomstick.

Upon their triumphant return to the Emerald City, Toto exposes the Wizard (Frank Morgan again) as a fraud, opening a curtain and revealing a non-magical man operating a giant console of wheels and levers. They are outraged, but the Wizard solves their problems with common sense and a little double talk. He explains that they already had what they had been searching for all along and only need things such as medals and diplomas to confirm it. The Wizard reveals that he too was born in Kansas and that he was brought to Oz by a runaway hot air balloon. He offers to take Dorothy home in the same balloon, leaving the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion in charge of the Emerald City.

Just before takeoff, Toto jumps out of the balloon’s basket to chase a cat. Dorothy follows him, and the wizard, unable to control the balloon, leaves without her. She is resigned to spending the rest of her life in Oz until Glinda appears and tells her that she has always had the power to return home. Glinda explains that she did not tell Dorothy at first because she needed to find out for herself that she doesn’t need to run away to find her heart’s desire. Dorothy says a tearful goodbye to her friends and then follows Glinda’s instructions, closing her eyes, tapping her heels together three times, and chanting “There’s no place like home.”

The film reverts to sepia tone and Dorothy awakens in her bedroom in Kansas, surrounded by family and friends, suggesting she was unconscious the whole time. She tells them of her journey. Aunt Em tells Dorothy that it was all a dream, but she pleads otherwise. In any case, Dorothy promises everyone that she will never leave home ever again, for she loves them all, and there’s no place like home.

**PLOT SUMMARY END**

When I first started blogging 5 years ago it was a way for me to share my feelings thoughts, announcements about things that were going on as well lessons I was learning on the yellow brick road of life. I’ve met some interesting characters along the way, encountered my share of good witches and an even more abundant supply of wicked witches and flying monkeys. The reason I chose the name “Tales From The Yellow Brick Road” is because I feel as if I am traveling down the yellow brick road just as Dorothy did only this yellow brick road leads to more than the Emerald City.

Like Dorothy, I’m longing for home… An eternal home. It’s so easy to seek comfort in this world that’s over the rainbow. Filled with pleasures of all kinds both good and bad. It’s filled with friends for encouragement and enemies for discouragement.

Unlike Dorothy some people I’ve traveled with have already been called home but until God says otherwise, I’m still stuck here in Oz. I miss them and it’s inevitable that there will be others who go home before me. They know what I will some day experience… that there’s no place like home.

I’ve done my best over the years to share what’s on my heart and be honest with what’s going on in my life. Sometimes it’s too much and I get in trouble. Sometimes it’s not enough and I get in trouble. Somewhere is a balance between sharing my life in a VERY public (and now Semi-Permanent forum) and protecting my own privacy and the privacy of those that are a part of my life. If I could, I’d try and blog every day about things that I’ve learned, thoughts that I’ve had or frustrations and setbacks that I’ve experienced. The problem is my life is linked to others in my life who wouldn’t necessarily be thrilled if I was open and honest with the world about conversations we’ve had or problems between us.

Since the beginning of the Firestorm with my former church, and intensifying after my Mom went home to be with Jesus, I have NOT had the opportunity to be completely open and honest with my feelings, the things going on in my life or the lessons I’ve been learning. In other words this blog has been mostly useless for almost 3 years.

Therefore, I’d like to pose a few questions to you, the reader/subscriber:

1. Do I shut down the blog and keep keep it online as an archive of things that once were but are no longer, thus freeing me to take up other writing projects?
2. Do I go back to the original intention of the blog and lay my life out there for everyone to see? There will be consequences, embarrassment, relief and freedom on my part but for those in my life it could be uncomfortable and even upsetting because from time to time they may end up as a subject of a post or two.
3. Do I go back to the original intention of the blog and lay my life out there for everyone to see, but password protect it and limit access to just friends and family whom I trust? This may still be uncomfortable for some but at least it won’t be out there for the entire world to see.
4. Do I continue to heavily censor myself and end up not blogging at all because I rather be silent than be restricted to only those thoughts, feelings, topics and that are deemed appropriate and Politically Correct enough for those in my life? I’d remain guarded and secretive in my posts and everyone but me will be happy.
5. What do you thing should happen with this blog?
6. Do you like one of the above suggestions?
7. Do you have your own suggestion?
8. Do you not really care what happens one way or another?

You’re feedback on this is not only essential, but it will directly affect the decision that’s made. So what that means is you’ll need to leave a comment below. You can also email me but it any emails will be posted here. A lot of you may read this through Facebook and comment there, but I’d prefer a comment below. It saves me the trouble of transferring it over here, plus I want your thoughts to influence and bounce off the other suggestions and their descendants (if any) here.

IMAGE: Google changed their logo in honor of the 71st Anniversary of the World Premiere of “The Wizard of Oz”

“Some people believe that I am not qualified, nor will I ever be qualified to be a Pastor. But because of what we’ve been through I may be qualified to help other people in need.”

Haggard’s wife Gayle, stuck with him through the past 3/12 years and wrote a book called “Why I Stayed.”

But as most of your probably didn’t hear in January of this year a Pastor in Georgia named Gary Lamb decided that 8 months after having an affair that “cost me everything” was the perfect time to start a new church. He also knew that there would be an understandable backlash to his decision and wrote,

“I understand that so many people will disagree with this decision and I respect those thoughts. However, confirmation through friends, pastor’s, and the many doors that God is opening, I truly believe that it’s time to start moving through those doors.”

Lamb is currently going through a divorce with his wife.

So here’s what I’m thinking through…

What sins disqualify a Pastor for a time and which ones disqualify him permanently from being in ministry permanently?

Should either of these guys be starting a new church?

What about the fact that they are starting churches in the same area as their former church… is that the best for the sheep at their former churches?

If they shouldn’t be Pastor’s then what should their role in a church be? Pew potato? Usher, Deacon, Janitor?

Should Divorce disqualify you period, end of story? Isn’t Divorce only permissible if the unfaithfulness is ongoing and the person unrepentant?

What about a couple that survives the infidelity and remians married? Does that mean they are more repentant?

I want to hear your thoughts. Email me or leave a comment here on the blog.

Not all of it was well written and some of it is just plain boring but my goal is to post as much as possible on here while excluding posts that really shouldn’t be on the internet as well as edit some of them to protect privacy. Once it starts getting added I’ll post the links here and on Twitter in hopes that while posting the archives, I’ll have some inspiration to re-visit topics and post more stuff from the present day.

Today I spent the day with my Sister and her Boyfriend Daniel driving out to Riverside to place flowers on my Mom’s grave. It was a tough outing but it needed to be done. It helped not to be alone or apart from each other as kids who have lost a Parent. I spent some time on the car ride out praying for the family of Peggy Sturgis who was ushered into the loving arms of Jesus not to long ago. I know what it’s like to spend Mother’s Day without a Mom.

Mother’s Day will always be a difficult day for the rest of my life. I miss her so much everyday, but Mother’s Day is particularly hard. I miss spoiling her with a homemade card, dinner at whatever nice restaurant she chose and being able to spend time that day loving her, hugging her and appreciating all that she meant to me. Her success at being an amazing Mother emphasizes to me how often I failed at being a good son. It took her diagnosis with cancer and her first brush with death in October of 2006 for me to realize (too late) that I had never treated her with the respect and love that she deserved. I have so many regrets at how I treated her as a kid as a teenager and especially as a young adult. And now it’s too late to make up for any of it because she’s gone. Her memory is in my heart, but her presence is thankfully with the Lord… He never let her down… even in death.

Three years ago today I wept uncontrollably when I learned that my Beloved Sister In Christ Alese Coco had been ushered into the presence of Jesus. She was and is an inspiration to everyone that learns her story. Alese and I were very good friends and while I miss our crazy adventures together, our mutual love for TV Shows (She would have LOOOVED Glee!) and our tendency to not let others in on our inside joke, what I miss most is our conversations about the Lord, and who He was in our life. I’ll miss the times when we’d play and sing a worship song over and over again (much to the annoyance of others) because it gave us a chance to sing about our Savior for a little bit longer before it was time to go home. And even though I wish we’d had a chance to sing a little longer before she went home to be with Jesus, I am (as usual) jealous of her present relationship with the Lord. Right now she (along with my Mom) gets to sing and dance in the very presence of Jesus and there will be no end… because she is home. She is safe… she is comforted and most of all she is at rest in Him.

When In The Darkness

When in the darkness of this life I pass
I wonder when reprieve will come at last
‘Twill always cause my heartfelt thoughts to swirl
To fight against the power of this world

Standing o’re the abyss my step is frail
Therein the deepness darkness is a veil
A point of light can overcome the void
If soul and heart and faith can be deployed

Fear of others and thoughts toward me are lord
Though in my spirit there’s room for but one Lord
It’s He that draweth out the pain and sin
For over death and Satan He did win

‘Twas death’s cruel sting He conquered utterly
His Father’s plan was made so perfectly
Exchanging His own Son for me and you
Paying ransom’s debt it’s deathly due

Upon the tree His bloody body spread
He said, “Forgive them Dad” and then was dead
A borrowed tomb gave momentary rest
For He was just a transitory guest

And on that third day rising from the grave
The stone was rolled away from that dark cave
And now my grave-bound heart is free at last
When Jesus, through the dark of this life past

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Love this song and keeping the words close to my heart right now… She sings the first and last verse but I’ve included them all because they are powerful.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word;
But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea—
Come, Friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

It is another one of those posts. You know, the ones I should not be writing but write anyway.

It is a very dark time in my life. I don’t know how else to describe it. About three or four weeks ago I changed. I don’t know how to describe this to you. Either I attempt to comfort you and preempt any sorrow by saying it is not really that bad and understate my circumstance, or I catalogue my thoughts to you with the possibility of misunderstanding and dread. All I can say is that I have had some sort of mental breakdown. My strength is gone. Depression? Certainly. Anxiety? Definitely. Fighting with the Lord? Most assuredly. All I know is that I broke a few weeks ago and I don’t know how to fix myself. All of the advice that I have given to broken people over the years is now pointed back at me and I realize how empty it can be.

Why? I don’t know. I wish I did. I have spent the last few weeks obsessing with how to get “me” back. I have analyzed every possible turn. God seems to have gone AWOL and I can’t get in touch with him other than through the cold hard facts. Facts are facts. They are nice, but I am coming to realize how much I need his presence in other ways. He has not been seen in this neck of the woods in quit some time. I am trying to reevaluate my expectations, but that is easier said than done. It is like when someone you love and have grown so used to has disappeared and you have everyone out looking for him but no one knows what happened. Fear sets in and every possible bad thing that could have happened becomes a valid option.

Lord, I guess I need to experience you. I need to see you. Maybe not physically, but like you used to. Things were going so well on so many fronts. My family was strong and they were all following you. Now everyone that I loved so dearly and saw you in is either dead, mentally incapacitated, doubting, or is pissed at me depressed. Some have three or four. It is so dark at mom’s house. It used to be so wonderful. You were there. And my ministry: it was a joy I turned to so often and found you when you were gone in other places. For years you had surprise moves that energized my spirit with your presence. Now you have left the building here as well. I have come to the point where I am timid and insecure. The mandate that I had is gone. I am exhausted. Completely exhausted. I still have no lack for ideas, I simply lack your blessing? I don’t know.

Lord, it is lonely without you. I know, I know. You are really there. You are in other things I am not seeing. I know you are teaching me something. But I don’t really want to learn this anymore. I am sorry, but if you take your presence away from me, what do you expect? I am so tired and I don’t know how to function in this environment. Can’t I learn it with you in the room?

I think I have cried more times in the last few weeks then I have in my entire life. My poor familywife does not know what to do.

To my readers: I ask for your prayers. I don’t know what it is like any longer to mount up on wings like eagles. I don’t know what the peace that passes understanding is anymore. I have the opposite and it does not seem to be going away any time soon. It is taking its toll on everyone I know and I understand why. I was the stable one. I was the one who demonstrated what faith in Christ could get you through. I was the one that set an example. I always had hope. Now I am a leper of sadness and hopelessness. I don’t know what I am asking for prayer for. I just want to be back to “normal.” I have been to see my am going to see my Pastor and have some rocks who are remaining stable. Please know that I am not going through this alone. Yet it is still so dark. I do ask you to talk to God about this on my behalf. As the Lord hangs on to me at this time, pray that he pulls me out of this pit. I do know I will get through this, but I need your prayers so much. I am broken.

When I read the Bible I am struck over and over again by the stories of people who were called by God to suffer.

Think about it…

From Cover to Cover there are countless stories of God’s people suffering and then God using those times in ways they could never imagine. There is even a whole section of Hebrews that is devoted to those who were called to suffer and lived by faith. Their stories serve as a reminder to us that while we are here on earth, we will be called to suffer. The greatest example of all is of course Jesus, who suffered so much that he sweat drops of blood before anyone had ever laid a hand on Him. If you’ve ever wondered if God can use suffering for His glory and for the redemption of mankind, you need look no further than example of suffering in Jesus Christ.

Over the past few years we have all been through a lot. We’ve lost loved ones, we’ve lost battles with evil, we’ve seen a groaning earth rumble and shake cities to the ground and we’ve probably all experienced some difficult financial times as well. For while, when I was in the heat of battle, I became very blind to the suffering of others. I was so consumed and wrapped up in what was going on with me, that I forgot about my fellow man. Yes, the firestorm and trials were very real and the pain was legitimate, but I turned a blind eye to those enduring unspeakable pain and suffering… God did not intend for us to suffer that way.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be contacting some of you and sharing some things that God has put on my heart. God has burdened me with a message that has changed my life. It’s the message of what the Gospel looks like when those of us who have been called to follow Christ are called to suffer. I’m also going to be contacting some of you and asking you to share your story about times when the Lord has called you to suffer. Some of you have been through some very difficult trials in your life and when I look at your life now, I can see how the Lord has shaped you a molded you because of that call to suffer.

If the Lord wills, the end result will be a resource, or set of resources, that will offer an alternative to our current view of what it means to suffer for the Lord. For now this project is entitled “The Call Of Suffering. The goal of these resources is to reshape and renew our minds when it comes to the topic of suffering in the life of a true follower of Christ. The reason for these resources is that during our times of suffering, it can be hard to understand our relationship with God. We fail to realize that a call to follow Christ, is a call of suffering in Christ. Today, most followers of Christ view suffering as unwanted, undeserved and unfair. However a careful and diligent study of God’s Word produces the constant theme of God calling His followers and even His only Son to suffer. In these resources, we’ll take a look at various instances in the Bible where God has called His people to suffer. We’ll also hear from and explore some present day examples of followers that God has called to suffer. Finally, we will fix our gaze on Jesus, who was called to suffer for the glory of His Father.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” Hebrews 12:1-3 (ESV)

Over the next few weeks I look forward to meetings and phone conversations with you as we learn about The Call Of Suffering.

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The Teaching Pastor at my church, Francis Chan, is partnering with Compassion International and several well-known Musical Artists to raise funds for Haiti at an event called “HELP HAITI LIVE“. “HELP HAITI LIVE” is a multi-city ticketed concert event taking place on February 27th, 2010 to benefit Compassion International’s Haiti disaster relief fund. The event will also be streamed live at HelpHaitiLive.com for those who cannot attend one of the concerts in person. 100% of on-line donations through HelpHaitiLive.com will go to Compassion International’s Haiti disaster relief fund. 100% of net proceeds from ticket sales will go to Compassion International’s Haiti disaster relief fund.

The event here in LA is taking place at 7:30PM at the Wiltern on February 27th, 2010. I am super excited to not only go to this event but to be a part of it. I hope that if you’re in the LA area you’ll get your tickets ASAP and be a part of something pretty freakin awesome! If you can’t make it, please consider making a donation to either Children’s Hunger Fund or Compassion International. Even though Haiti is no longer the lead story on the news, that doesn’t change the fact that widespread suffering is still taking place in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. If I had my choice, I’d be on a plane to Haiti doing whatever I could to help these people and to encourage and support missionaries that have been engaged in the front lines of ministry there for many years. But it looks like the next best thing for me to do is promote the heck out of this event!

I’d love for you to download these clips and make them available to people that are currently fighting cancer as well as cancer survivors and to families that have lost loved ones. I hope that my Mom’s story will inspire us not because of her strength, but from the strength she found in her Savior Jesus Christ.

1. My cage was rattled over the Conan verse Leno Late Night Wars. I love Conan and always have. Ever since I watched Johnny Carson as a kid I always wondered what it would be like to one-day work on a show like that. I love comedy and I when I found out Conan was going to host The Tonight Show I was excited and gave myself something to work for. To one day write or be a part of the Tonight Show was not a far fetched dream but something I could actually see myself doing. Needless to say it was tough to see Conan be abused by NBC brass but it was inspirational to watch how he went out… by having a lot fun on Television.
2. Since mid-October there has been a hole in my ceiling that resulted from a leaking roof. The roof was eventually fixed however after repeated contact with our management company the ceiling was ignored until early last week when the torrential rains finally proved to be to much for the flimsy patches to hold and the ceiling caved in and damaged irreplaceable pictures. I ended up getting into several shouting matches with people that could care less that water had caused damage to my property due to their negligence. To add insult to injury we were served with an eviction notice because we refused to pay the rent until they decided to do something about the poor maintenance.
3. In addition to the poor maintenance form management Southern California Edison has seen fit to turn our power off three different times over the past 2 weeks. They claim each time it’s for maintenance but then today the power went off with no notice and it wasn’t until after we called that we discovered that there was scheduled maintenance but that the problem was the maintenance caused “severe damage to critical systems which have led to an extended outage.” The power has been out since 9AM this morning and won’t be back on until approximately 6AM tomorrow. Right now I’m hiding out at a Starbucks trying to see if I can get stuff done for the move this weekend.
4. Moving is a pain in the a$$. Packing and going through and getting rid of crap that you’ve had for over 25 years can be both liberating and excruciating. There is freedom that comes from divesting yourself of the things that encumber you, but stuff is funny. We think we need it, but we really don’t. And the truth is the more stuff you have the more problems that stuff brings you. At the same time, the memories that are brought back by a third grade project, or a Christmas card from a particularly tough year can be comforting and encouraging. Then of course moving involves location, location, location. Not to mention cost, cost, cost.
5. Some major changes and events have been transpiring at my former church that directly relate to the ongoing reconciliation process. Needless to say, some key players are abandoning ship and it’s put me in a position where I’m left wondering how far to pursue reconciliation with them. At what point should I abandon the idea that there will be a happy ending to this?

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So there you have it… my complaints and hassles this week. But in reality they pale in comparison to the suffering and misery of the people in Haiti. No food, no water, no electricity, no order, no help, no hope. People’s dead loved ones are piled in the street, violence has been slowly creeping in and churches there have been decimated by structural damage, whole congregations dying and spiritual turmoil due to unimaginable trials. Yet I’m ticked off over and entertainment show, a small pathetic hole in my ceiling, temporary lack of electricity, clinging to stuff that I don’t need and problems with a couple of people who have no control over my spiritual well being.

Pretty selfish and stupid. Sure I texted “Haiti” to 90999, I gave to my church and I donated at Starbucks. But oh how comfortable that was. To sit thousands of miles away from the horror of what is taking place there and to send money to a country that is in ruin. It’s the equivalent of putting a band-aid on a severed limb, I’ve done no good. And yet I am SO ungrateful for the amazing gifts and blessings that I have here and for what? Just a little comfort… I am disgusted.

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One of the gals that is part of my New Church Family is close friends with an amazing lady named Peggy Sturgis. She in the end stages of Ovarian Cancer, has a wonderful husband an 4 amazing children. Of course this really hits close to home for me and I have been praying for her and her family as often as possible.

I know what her family is going through and I know what they have ahead of them. None of it will be easy and none of it will make sense at the time. Right now Peggy is fighting the good fight and is having weekly gatherings at her home in order to worship with her friends and loved ones for as long as she’s able. I know she’s not wasting her life or the opportunity that God has given her to glorify Him until her last breath.

Please be praying for her and her family and if you want, you can visit her website and leave a message of encouragement for her: http://peggysturgis.com

If the Lord allows, I’m hoping to meet her and her family sometime soon and share my Mom’s story with them.

I don’t have any fancy well-thought-out arguments. I don’t have pages of demographics statistics dating all the way back to the 1950′s. I don’t have a personal relationship with either person involved in this dispute. I simply have my opinions and I am about to share them willingly with anyone who’s willing to read this.

Here we go…

I use to watch The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was at the helm. I actually use to stay up late sometimes with my parents and watch part of the show with them. There was always a neverending flow of dazzling young talent and sketches that would leave me and my family in tears from the laughter. In fact I still imitate and mock Carnac The Magnificent every once in a while when I’m opening an envelope.

Then along came this guy named Jay Leno… and he was different. He never pulled off the stunts or skits that Johnny could and his sense of humor was not something that appealed to me. Every once in a while I’d tune in because a particular guest was on but I was never a regular viewer.

As I got older and discovered the magic of staying up late I sometimes would catch a glimpse of this crazy red-headed guy running amuck on a poorly lit stage. It was my friend Kenny that finally solidified things for me by recommending that I spend some time getting to know Conan and the show. From the first full episode I was hooked. He had the same zany, crazy sense of humor as Carson and was willing to do the physical comedy to bring solid entertainment to the masses.

When I heard that Jay Leno would be leaving The Tonight Show and that Conan would be taking over I was thrilled! Now I didn’t have to stay up so late to catch Conan… he’d be on right after our nightly dose of gloom and doom from NBC4 News. I actually got to watch the first show of The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien on Hulu minutes after it was posted and needless to say I was blown away by the amazing high-tech, art-deco set that they had put together for the new era of The Tonight Show. Since he’s taken over the show I have only missed a few episodes but I have loved and enjoyed the energy and humor he brought back to the show.

At the same time, a good friend of mine had been working on a very successful TV show that was on NBC called “Life.” As a result of Jay Leno’s decision not to go off Television but instead to take over prime time, my friend lost one of the best TV jobs that he had ever had. This did not endear me to Jay Leno at all. In a time when the economy wasn’t that great, Jay Leno’s ego and desire to build some sort of lasting legacy (he can’t be doing this for the money) put people out of work and forever changed the landscape of Primetime TV. Of course we now know that this was a huge failure for NBC and that all the money they were trying to save was lost 2-3 times over because of their decision to let an ego maniac run their TV lineup. The final nail in Leno’s coffin is the fact that instead of bowing out gracefully from TV and calling it a day, he’s trying to get his old slot back and in the process is doing the very thing he promised he didn’t want to do. He promised that he didn’t want to have another “Letterman Like” incident where the obvious incumbent was shoved aside and was then lost to a competing network that would go on to kick NBC’s butt. And he also stated openly that if his Primetime venture didn’t work out that he would walk away from it and forget it.

At least that’s how I saw it…

But then it struck me that who’s really to blame is NBC… They agreed to put Primetime shows out of work, they agreed to the experiment to begin with and from what I understand they are the dominating force behind keeping Leno at NBC. Their problem is they don’t want Jay to go to a competing network and kick their butts like they know he would.

So there you have it….

Me personally, I like Conan and I think he should be the one to stay at 11:30. I think Jay needs to abandoned his failed experiment and if he wants to go to another network, fine. And I think that NBC sucks… good thing I haven’t sent any resumes there…

On of the most interesting chapters I’ve ever read in the Pentateuch is Exodus Chapter 1. Exodus 1 is very much a transition chapter leading from the resolution of Joseph’s story up to the beginning of Moses’ story. Along the way a new Pharaoh comes along that forgets about how Joesph, a Hebrew, saved his ancestors from the famine. Out of greed and, dare I say, God’s permission, this new Pharaoh enslaves the Hebrews and hatches a plan to control their population. A plan that puts the Hebrew Midwives into a crisis.

“Then the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, one of whom was named Shiphrah and the other Puah, ‘When you serve as midwife to the Hebrew women and see them on the birthstool, if it is a son, you shall kill him, but if it is a daughter, she shall live.’” Exodus 1:15-16 ESV

A death sentence for all male Hebrew children and the Midwives are commanded to be the executioners of their own people. Imagine for a moment if you had to carry out these orders? Shiphrah and Puah are cornered by evil and it seems as if there is no way out. How much fear would that instill into you?

“But the midwives feared God and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but let the male children live” Exodus 1:17 ESV

I LOVE that verse! Shiphrah and Puah have fear all right… it’s the fear of the Lord. They may have feared a madman mass murderer, they may have feared certain death but they’re fear of the Lord was far greater than anything that a puny human was going to throw at them. They chose life for others at risk of their own life. But that’s not the end of the story…

“So the king of Egypt called the midwives and said to them, ‘Why have you done this, and let the male children live?’ The midwives said to Pharaoh, ‘Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are vigorous and give birth before the midwife comes to them.’” Exodus 1:18-19 ESV

What the what!?

Did they just lie to trick the Pharaoh? I thought they feared the Lord? Even thought the Ten Commandments haven’t been written yet lying was certainly not something that God blessed was it? Jacob was a trickster and look at all the trouble it caused him (cf: Genesis 25-36)! Was God pleased with what they had told the Pharaoh?

“So God dealt well with the midwives. And the people multiplied and grew very strong. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families.” Exodus 1:20-21 ESV

So let’s get this straight… The Pharaoh orders the Midwives to kill all the male Hebrew children as they are born, but because they fear the Lord they don’t do what the Pharaoh tells them to do. Then, when they are held accountable, they aren’t truthful and the Lord blesses them for it.

But I think we need to dig a little deeper…

The key here (as it is so many places in scripture, especially in the Old Testament) is to remember how powerful God is. If He created the universe could He not speed up the birthing process? The Pharaoh’s words indicated that they would “see them on the birthstool.” If the Hebrew woman’s labor is sped up by the Lord and they are off the birth stool and the baby is not in plain sight, haven’t the Midwives done what the Pharaoh has asked? It seems to me that they weren’t necessarily lying to the Pharaoh, the Lord just made it impossible to do the evil the Pharaoh wanted them to do. The Lord Delivered them from evil… Obviously that is a HUGE theme in Exodus, but it’s also a HUGE theme in all of scripture.

A second thing to consider is the consequences of their actions:

“And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families.” Exodus 1:21 ESV

It was their fear of God that yielded the blessing of a family. But it wasn’t just a blessing, it was a second deliverence… They were delivered from being a midwives because they became pregnant themselves and could not serve as midvies anymore. Again, the Lord Delivered them from evil… The Lord provided them an escape from doing what was wrong.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

Now let’s be careful and not misinterpret that verse. Temptation to do evil will come… it is a certainty… but when temptation comes God will provide THE way of escape… It’s to fear Him more than you fear yourself or others. When you are in the midst of a trial it is easy to be tempted to give up on the Lord’s way for a way that seems easier. When you’re at work and the dirty jokes start flying it’s easy to join in. When the latest celeb news and gossip pales in comparison to the gossip your are hearing about someone else it’s easy to keep listening. Maybe it’s fear of rejection, fear of being alone, maybe it’s fear of obscurity or just plain fear of others… whatever that fear is, it should never outweigh the fear, love and trust that you have in the Lord, who WILL deliver you from evil.

So the next time you’re having your own Midwife Crisis, (not if but when) and you are staring evil in the face… do not fear anything but the Lord.

P.S. To leave comments click on the Title at the top of this post.

Many years ago in a co-ed Bible study my fellow Christ-followers and I were reading through a particularly wretched “Christian Dating” book of some sort. One of the phrases that really caught on and was used quite often in the book was “Learn to be content in your season of Singleness.” The idea was that while you were single you shouldn’t be worrying about dating or finding the perfect spouse, but instead you should be working on yourself and try to be come the “best husband/wife that you can while you’re on your own.” The end result was suppose to be that when the opposite sex looked at you they would be attracted to your value as a person rather then just your good looks, clothes, money or other “outward appearances that so often deceive our lustful eyes.” This however is not a reality…

The reality is most Christ-followers who are single are praying that God would being them the perfect person that was meant for them. They use phrases like “God wants me to be happy right? So He’ll bring me great husband/wife that is really cute because that’s what I like.” Or my dating freinds who are with someone and have encountered some part of that persons personality that “just doesn’t mesh.” They use phrases like “God wants us to be one flesh someday right? So if the person I’m dating now is right for me we wouldn’t be fighting would we?”

Seriously?

God is not some cosmic pimp in the sky that is obligated to hook you up with guy/gal of your dreams jsut because you wear a purity ring and have made some promise or covenant with Him. “Lord, if you bring me the cutest guy I promise I won’t have sex with him before we get married. If You do then I will be the perfect housewife forever if you do.” Or “Lord, if you bring me the hottest chick at my church I promise I’ll do my best to keep my hands off her and myself before we’re married. If You do then I’ll be a missionary forever if you do.” Don’t pray to God as if He’s just suppose to go through His Saved-a-dex and pick out the most sanctified, beautified and rich person in the world for you to marry.

The truth is you should count your blessings if the Lord chooses to allow someone half as jacked up as you for your spouse. Getting married doesn’t mean you’ve arrived at the perfect relationship… It means you’ve just begun. You’re going to spend a lifetime together figuring out how to honor each other, talk to each other and love each other in a way that best glorifies the Lord. So what if things are a little rough in the dating relationship? Don’t drop that person over one stupid fight about something insignificant like Coke verses Pepsi, Verizon verses AT&T or Mac verses PC (although that last one is particularly hard for me). If there is a serious sin committed by that other person against you then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate but do your best to work things out before you just call it quits. It’ll be a good indication of how you’ll respond when you’re married and have no business looking for an escape route.

My final thought is this, whatever situation you’re in, don’t waste that time longing for the next stage. If you’re single, don’t spend all your time whining and crying to God about your singleness and presenting your demands to Him for a date. Instead spend that time serving the Lord in ways you never can when you’re dating. If you’re dating someone, don’t get all hot and bothered just because you’re not married. It’s perfectly okay to spend free time by yourself even though you’re dating someone. Use that time to practice the art of leading yourself by continually seeking the Lord in precious one-on-one time with Him.

And to those of you saying, “Hey are there verses for that?” I say of course:

“32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Undivided devotion to the Lord… that’s a tough prospect when you’re not only seeing to your own spiritual needs, but to the spiritual needs of someone else as well.

P.S. To those of you who think you may have the “gift” of singleness. If the Lord has called you to be single you’re entire life you have no excuse for not changing the world in amazing ways. You will have financial, geographical and physical freedom beyond belief. God will have entrusted you with an entire life that should yield undivided devotion to Him. If you can’t live up to that, maybe you should reconsider that calling.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted a personal update but life has been busy and unpredictable. Hard to tell you all what’s going on when I don’t know what’s going on . You’ll also see that I did a little redesign on the look of the site. Everything is still here but I’m going to be expanding and adding stuff this year and I wanted to make some room. I liked the old theme cause it had 3 Columns but I’m also a big fan on cutting down on information overload so this new theme should work just fine.

Since I tend to be able to think better when I make lists here are few things I’d like to share with y’all:

1. I Will Be Moving At The Beginning Of February – For the past 12 months I have had the privilege of living in the Santa Clarita Valley. It’s had it’s ups and downs but it has been a great opportunity for me to be on my own and learn some important life lessons. I’ve had some great roommates and some great visitors but unfortunately our lease is up at the end of January and the rent is definitely going to be out of our price range. At this point neither of us know where we’re going to end up but suffice it to say we won’t end up on the street. There is a good possibility that I may end up back in my home town but my desire is to find a place in Burbank close to my church family.
2. I’m Finally Beginning To Settle On A Career Path - While the details are still blurry the broad strokes is that I’d like to end up in the world of Production or Post-Production. I know those don’t necessarily go hand in hand but at least it’s been narrowed down. Last year I had the privilege of helping out on some amazing short films and couple of Reality TV Shows. I’ve also had the privilege of editing some great projects last year as well and had an amazing time doing both. Despite the fact that the path I thought I was on 3 years ago has radically changed, being a part of the entertainment industry has always been a part of my path. The Lord has dropped so many opportunities in my lap but unfortunately I took them for granted. 2009 was a tough year stability wise with jobs and income being the biggest issues I wrestled with (compare that to 2008 when I lost everything in my life that meant something to me and it doesn’t seem that bad). I hope that this year the side projects and opportunities will be plentiful and will build a strong body of work to have as a resume for good jobs in the future. But I also know that with the way things are in the economy I’m going to have to work harder then I ever have to find the good ones.
3. God Has Slowly And Faithfully Been Healing Me - 2008 was the worst year of my life. I lost my Mom, my church family, my liberty and hope for a future. Trust me, that is no exaggeration. Sometime in the next 6 months all the details of what transpired in 2008 will come out, but for now please know that I see now that God was in control of it all. As a result, I spent most of 2009 coming to grips with my life being turned upside down and trying to cope with hurt, depression and pain that the Lord allowed. So many of you walked with me and my family through those trials and were faithful and point me to the Lord not matter what the circumstance. I apologize if I didn’t seem receptive, but just know that the Lord spoke through you no matter what my initial response to you might have been. For those of you who are strangers I hope that sharing my story will be an encouragement to you when (NOT IF) you walk through trials in your own life. The Lord allowed some unimaginable things, but He also allowed them for unimaginable reasons that are still being revealed to me daily. When I think back to where I was a year ago I marvel and the Lord’s goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness, which was a key concept for me last year. I’ve had to learn some hard lessons the hard way, but the Lord has been there every step of the way.
4. God Has Given Me An Incredible New Church Family - When I began looking for a new church a little over a year ago I never thought that I’d find the love and support that I have found in Cornerstone Burbank. When I first started attending there I was a bump on the wall. I came, I didn’t talk, I left and had no meaningful relationships with anyone. At first it was very hard to get over the hurts that I experienced at my previous church, but slowly I saw that God was working in and through the folks in Burbank and I began to see first hand that those folks were the real deal. They submitted to Jesus. served others and loved them both. Through an amazing set of circumstances I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to be vulnerable and share with group about all the doubts and pain I had been experiencing since my Mom had passed away. The group overwhelmed me with love, prayer and sweet fellowship based on our common love for Jesus. It was something that had been missing from my life for over a year and the Lord has used to strengthen and encourage my heart. Since that night I have a church family that trusts me and that I trust as well. This year I hope that the Lord will continue to open up doors in the group where I can serve and be served, love and be loved.
5. God Has Been Drawing Me Closer To My Family - When my Mom passed away in June of 2008 I felt as if our family would never be whole again. That we would be forever scared and would never be a “family” again without her. Last October my Dad married an amazing woman named Cindy. In the months before and after the wedding my Sister and I have gotten to know her and I can honestly say that I consider her to be part of our family. She’s not a replacement for my Mom (as that is impossible) but she’s and addition to our family that has helped heal the wounds of loosing someone you love. She has experienced loss in her life and has been very sensitive and respectful of what my Sister and I have have been going through. She understands the ups and downs of grief which is a blessing from the Lord. This has also served to better my relationship with my Dad. We haven’t always seen eye-to-eye on everything (don’t get us started on politics!) but over the past year my Dad and I have been working though our issues in our hearts as well as our issues with each other. We are communicating better and most of all we enjoy spending time together. My Sister and I are also drawing closer together. We have a little joke between us that we’re always emotional opposites. When I’m having a hard time with something, she has peace about it. When my Sister is struggling to understand, I’m there to try and explain it to her. Considering the fact that these are major life issues we’ve been wrestling with I am so grateful that we can count on each other and that God has made us unique enough to support each other during the tough times. I can honestly say I look forward to our family get-togethers on the weekends and holidays.

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Finally, over the next few months I’d like to start posting again on a regular basis. The biggest reason that I have haven’t been sharing here has been the things on my heart and mind involve matters that are private and involve other people. The Lord has seen fit to begin to heal those situations and is opening the door for a miraculous and amazing story about just how awesome God is and how powerful the Gospel is. My hope and prayer is that the things I share here will be an encouragement and blessing to those that read it and that unlike some of my posts last year, they will be uplifting to others and glorify the Lord.

I just want to thank you again for all of your love and support and prayers for my Aunt and my Family as we’ve been battling through these tough days.

My Aunt’s condition continues to improve and is being called a miracle by the hospital staff. A week ago today she was having uncontrolled seizures and today she is talking and communicating with us and wants to come home. To us, she’s back to her old self minus the fact that she won’t be able to talk for some time due to the muscle mass loss. Her Numerologists are scratching their heads wondering how she has been able to bounce back so quickly and so completely compared to several other patients they have been treating for months. We point them to the Great Physician every chance we get. The Doctors and Nurses have seen us praying over her every chance we get and are astounded by the fact that hundreds of people are waiting for updates so that they can pray too.

As my Aunt continues to get better it is very apparent that some things need to drastically change with her home care in order for her to stay well and get on the Kidney Transplant list. My Grandmother has done her best for the past 50+ years caring for her children and she can no longer do that on her own. For being 71 she’s tough and motivated, but her body is weak and needs rest. As a family we are praying through some tough options and we desperately need wisdom and guidance to make the right decisions with the best outcome. We’d appreciate your prayers for this as well.

You can also pray for patience for my Aunt and well as us. My Aunt is still coming down off the heavy sedation she was on and is having mood swings as well as other psychological side-effects from being in a coma for 4 days. Some of these are as simple as memory loss other are as complicated as misinterpreting what she is told and being upset or frustrated because she doesn’t understand. Once we get past this de-tox period it should be a smoother transition but right now it’s a challenge to communicate clearly with my Aunt.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and I will do my best to keep you updated.

Thanks,
Cliff Ames Jr.

Thank you all so much for your love and support. Your prayers are being answered:

1. I had a VERY safe trip from LA to NV with no traffic problems and very few people on the road. The weather was also beautiful and a reminder of God’s control over everything.

2. As soon as I arrived I was able to hug and cry with my Grandmother who feels overwhelmed by everything that is going on. She has been misplacing keys, phones and other important things that are necessary for her being able to function and take care of my Aunt. I have now been able to step in and get things organized for her and already the results are obvious. We were able to go to church together on Sunday and then go to lunch and talk about how she’s doing. We came up with a game plan and things are going better now that she has the support that she needs.

3. The Lord has been so good to me over the past few days. My roommates and some good friends were able to pray over me right as I got the news that I needed to leave and when I texted and emailed folks I received over a dozen responses filled with Christ’s love and the Scripture. The theme that keeps coming up over and over again is peace and I have been overwhelmed by it. My Grandmother’s Pastor preached on it Sunday and it has been leaping out at me from the verses I have been reading. Philippians of course is where I land a lot but the Psalms and Proverbs also have been rocking my world.

4. Because my Aunt is more stable than she was before my sister can now wait until Wednesday to come out here and not have to worry about flying or driving at the last minute. She can take her time planning the trip and will be supported along the way.

5. Here is the latest on my Aunt’s condition: She is in a medically induced coma in order to break the cycle of seizures that she has been having. She has NOT had a stroke that we know of and the Doctors are confident that the seizures can be controlled with medication. Although they can’t find the exact cause of the seizures they are confident that the cause is not life threatening and her condition is stable enough now for them to begin treating the underlying symptoms. Once they determine that the seizure cycle has been broken they will begin bringing her our of the coma in order to wake her up and see if any brain damage has occurred. They are fairly certain that there will be some damage but they are just as certain that some of it can be reduced with time, treatment and therapy. While all this has been going on my Aunt has been sedated and resting comfortably with no incidents.

6. The Doctors and Nurses from this latest hospital stay have been competent and very helpful in explaining what is going on. They are supportive and have responded to our concerns in a timely manner and truly care about my Aunts condition and progress. Both of the Doctors we saw yesterday explained everything clearly and were VERY honest even about the negative side of things. It’s not just hard to ask those kinds of questions, it’s hard to answer them as well.

On Behalf Of My Family,
Cliff Ames Jr.

In about 30 minutes I am going to be leaving to drive to Las Vegas, Nevada to be with my Aunt and Grandmother. My Aunt has been have repeated strokes for the past 48 hours and is getting worse by the hour. My Grandmother is very discouraged as she is loosing her other child only a year and half after loosing my Mom. She also beginning to be weakened physically and needs someone to be there for her and be emotionally and physically strong for her. For now that person needs to be me and so I would covet your prayers for many things.

1. Pray for a safe trip
2. Pray that God would strengthen and encourage my Grandmother
3. Pray that God would strengthen and equip me for this time of suffering and trial
4. Pray for my Sister’s safe trip when she is able to go out there sometime in the next 24-36 hours
5. Pray that God would grant rest and peace to my Aunt
6. Pray that I will be patient with the Doctors that are treating her

I’ll do my best to keep you updated via this Blog or viat my Twitter account which updates in the last column to the right.

On Behalf Of My Family,
Cliff Ames Jr.

Click here to view the embedded video.

1. My Aunt Has Been In And Out Of The Hospital.

My Mom (left) My Aunt (right) and My Great Grandma (bottom) in September of 2007

Over the past few years my Aunt’s health has seriously deteriorated culminating in the fact that she has spent more time in the hospital or rehab then she has spent at home. This has been especially hard on my Grandma who has been her sole caretaker during this time. They are both worn out and fatigued from all of these various trials but fortunately they have an amazing church family that has been supporting them and being a great example of what it means “be” the church rather than just “attend” church. Right now she is back in the hospital for many reasons but the bottom line is, if she is not able to recover and loose some additional weight and finally get a kidney transplant then she will not be with us here on earth much longer. My Aunt loves the Lord and is trusting Him, as is my Grandma, but she has been through so much pain and suffering that it would be a huge blessing if she were to be able to get a transplant but at the same time it is hard to see her suffer.

2. I Took A Short Sabbatical From Life

For a two and a half week period I packed up my stuff, took time off from my job and spent lots of time with my family. During this time I had the opportunity to connect and reconnect with close friends and family and was able to spend some time also reconnecting with the Lord. The former led to the latter because the people in my life that know me the best have always point me to the Lord no matter what the circumstances. Shortly before I took this sabbatical I was feeling depressed and overwhelmed by everything that the Lord had allowed to happen over the past two years. Not to mention the current pressures I was facing on all fronts I knew that I needed time to figure out what my life needed to look like in order to survive. In the end, like Dorothy, I had the ability to “go home” the whole time, but I needed to make the expedition down the yellow brick road before I could fully appreciate what being home meant. In other words I realized that my walk with the Lord had been crappy for quite some time and needed some drastic improvement. My friends and family directed me along the way and the Lord reminded me of His grace and forgiveness. I spent time in front of many fire pits just as Peter did in John 21.

3. I Edited A TV Show

One of my good friends is a TV Producer with lots of experience in Reality Programming. For some time now I have been able to help out in one way or another with various projects that he has had going over the years. I’ve assisted editors on many of these projects but never had the opportunity to actually BE the editor. Finally a project came along and I jumped at the opportunity to actually BE the editor this time. It was a lot of work, a lot of hours and a lot of Coffee Bean but it was worth it and I was just able to recently deliver the final elements of our pilot episode. We’ve already gotten word from our distributor that there is a lot of interest and will probably end up doing 5 more episodes. This show has also opened the door for other shows and in two days I am actually flying back east to help shoot a pilot for another show. Here is the link to a promo of the project on our distributor’s website.

4. My Sister And I Sang At My Dad’s Wedding

Not too long ago my Dad met someone on eharmony.com. They started dating and after several months he proposed to her and she accepted. For my Sister and I this was something that was totally different and somewhat unexpected at first. But the more we talked with our Dad and the more we got to know Cindy the more we knew that they loved each other and would do their best to take care of each other. When it came time to start making plans I knew that I wanted to be involved but I had no clue that I would end up be blessed enough to sing with my sister during the candle lighting and to also be the best man at my Dad’s wedding. Cindy has three kids of her own that are all married and two of them have kids. This means that I have gained a whole new step family and have also gained someone that isn’t going to replace my Mom, but is going to add to the love that I already receive from so many people in my life. I am so happy for them both and I love getting to spend time with them and my new family.

5. I Auditioned For And Was Accepted Into The Santa Clarita Master Chorale

Ever since my Mom was ushered into the loving arms of Jesus it has been hard for me to be active musically. Singing or playing an instrument publicly was just something I couldn’t bring myself to do after I sang and played at my Mom’s memorial service. There were many reasons for this but chief among them was that my Mom was so proud and blessed by the abilities that the Lord had given me that using those gifts with her not around just seemed like a waste of time. But over the past few months I have had a chance to heal and to realize that I miss music terribly. And so I began to ask the Lord to show some opportunities to me that would glorify Him and bless others. Along came the Santa Clarita Master Chorale. Because they are close to the community that I am part of I knew it would be easy and convenient to participate with them but I also knew that they were a VERY talented singing group and would be difficult to get into. After waiting several months for the audition period to begin I picked an audition song, practiced for hours and low and behold I got in! I can honestly say this is an amazing and diverse group and I look forward to singing with them for a long time to come.

There have been many other things going on as well but for now those are the things that I wanted to share with all of you. I hope to begin blogging more now that life isn’t so hectic or painful as it was this past year or so. I also hope to share some additional things that the Lord has been doing but now is not the right time. When it is you will be amazed by how awesome He is… I know I am amazed everyday by who He is and how much I love Him.

Thank you for your prayers…

As of 5:00pm PST my Aunt was out of surgery and in the recovery room. The Doctors found 3 blockages and were able to repair them. My Aunt will have a brief time of recovery and will probably be home from the hospital sometime next week.

Here is how you can pray:

1. Praise God that he allowed the surgery to go well
2. Pray that God would heal my Aunt
3. Pray that God would protector her form infections and screw ups while she is in the hospital
4. Pray that God would comfort my family and I during this time.

Please feel free to pass this along to others.

My Aunt is having surgery today at 11:30am PST to determine where the problem in her heart is as well as to fix that problem.

Here is how you can pray:

1. Pray that God would heal my Aunt
2. Pray that God would guide the Doctors and not allow them to screw things up in surgery
3. Pray that God would heal my Dad who is having some non-life-threatening health problems today
4. Pray that God would comfort my Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Dad, Sister and myself during these continued trials

Please feel free to forward this on to others.

In the past all of you were very faithful in praying for my Mom and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me and my family to know that you were praying during some of those tough time as well as the time that God was answering your prayers.

Today I come to you and ask that you pray for my Mom’s Sister my Aunt Becky. Over the past 3 years she has been through sever health problems and has endured many surgeries, doctor screw-ups and some long stretches in the hospital. At this point she has spent more time in the Hospital than at home.

Right now she is back in the Hospital for a blockage problem in her heart. On top of that her potassium levels are high so at this point they are not able to do the surgery that will fix the blockage. Today and tomorrow they will be doing everything they can to lower her potassium so that she can have the surgery.

Here is how you can pray:

1. Pray that God would heal my Aunt.
2. Pray that God would comfort our family as we continue to face trials of many kinds.
3. Pray that God would reduce her potassium levels.
4. Pray that God would clear the blockage weather that be through His own hand or the Doctors.
5. Pray that God would not allow the Doctors to screw things up.

I will do my best to keep you updated with how things go tomorrow.

This whole “God allowing trials, temptation and tribulation in my life” stuff is not something God has equipped me to handle. I had my share of struggles and hard patches in my walk with Christ before, but the past 2-3 years have been overwhelmingly discouraging. The joy of my salvation and the joy of His provision of grace here on earth seems to be vastly overshadowed by the unrelenting storms He has allowed to come my way. It seems as if there have been no gaps in a continuing stream of God ordained and sanctioned torrents. Again, not all of it has been His doing, but the most potent and darkest ones have been things that were 100% out of my control (Neo-Calvinists need not comment either).

I’m physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually tired and worn down. As it says below “The waters have come up to my neck” and are rising fast. And if you’ve never been that way, or can’t remember the last time you’ve been that way then ya better check your pulse. I don’t care how many Bible verses you know and how perfect you think you are, we all face times of fatigue from the strains and the trials of this life on this earth.

Anyways, I’ll shut up and let this Psalm do the talking…

Psalms 69:1-36 ESV

“Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore? O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you. Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, O Lord GOD of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel. For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach, that dishonor has covered my face. I have become a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my mother’s sons. For zeal for your house has consumed me, and the reproaches of those who reproach you have fallen on me. When I wept and humbled my soul with fasting, it became my reproach. When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword to them. I am the talk of those who sit in the gate, and the drunkards make songs about me. But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. Hide not your face from your servant; for I am in distress; make haste to answer me. Draw near to my soul, redeem me; ransom me because of my enemies! You know my reproach, and my shame and my dishonor; my foes are all known to you. Reproaches have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I looked for pity, but there was none, and for comforters, but I found none. They gave me poison for food, and for my thirst they gave me sour wine to drink. Let their own table before them become a snare; and when they are at peace, let it become a trap. Let their eyes be darkened, so that they cannot see, and make their loins tremble continually. Pour out your indignation upon them, and let your burning anger overtake them. May their camp be a desolation; let no one dwell in their tents. For they persecute him whom you have struck down, and they recount the pain of those you have wounded. Add to them punishment upon punishment; may they have no acquittal from you. Let them be blotted out of the book of the living; let them not be enrolled among the righteous. But I am afflicted and in pain; let your salvation, O God, set me on high! I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. This will please the LORD more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs. When the humble see it they will be glad; you who seek God, let your hearts revive. For the LORD hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners. Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in them. For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of his servants shall inherit it, and those who love his name shall dwell in it.”

That kind of sucks when you think about it….

But this song doesn’t so enjoy…

“Lord Of The Past” (click here to download)
By: Bob Bennet

Every harsh word spoken
Every promise ever broken to me
Total recall of data in the memory
Every tear that has washed my face
Every moment of disgrace that I have known
Every time I’ve ever felt alone

Lord of the here and now
Lord of the come what may
I want to believe somehow
That you can heal these wounds of yesterday
(You can redeem these things so far away)
So now I’m asking you
To do what you want to do
Be the Lord of the Past
(Be the Lord of my Past)
Oh how I want you to
Be the Lord of the Past

All the chances I let slip by
All the dreams that I let die in vain
Afraid of failure and afraid of pain
Every tear that has washed my face
Every moment of disgrace that I have known
Every time I’ve ever felt alone

Well I picked up all these pieces
And I built a strong deception
And I locked myself inside of it
For my own protection
And I sit alone inside myself
And curse my company
For this thing that has kept me alive for so long
Is now killing me.
And as sure as the sin rose this morning,
The man in the moon hides his face tonight.
And I lay myself down on my bed
And I pray this prayer inside my head

Lord of the here and now
Lord of the come what may
I want to believe somehow
That you can heal these wounds of yesterday
So now I’m asking you
To do what you want to do
Be the Lord of my Past
You can do anything
Be the Lord of the Past
I know that you can find a way
To heal every yesterday of my life
Be the Lord of the Past

Last Thursday June 18th, 2009 fourteen people experienced the goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness of God in a real and tangible way. On a day that should have been filled with sorrow, hopelessness and anger, God did what He does best: He redeemed the irredeemable. As we all gathered around and enjoyed a wonderful and filling meal, we had the opportunity to catch up on what has happened in each others lives this past year. God has done much and over the past year we have all become more fully devoted followers of Christ. This process of course has not been without trial, suffering or discomfort. In fact the majority of it took place as we attempted to fill the gaping whole in our life that my Mom left. Fortunately, it has been the Lord that has filled that gap and provided for our needs in ways we never could have imagined.

After the meal we all gathered in the living room and talked about the many memories we had of the Lord working in my Mom’s life. The more that was shared the more we all saw just how much the Lord used my Mom and even her illness, to teach us all to love Him more. We also talked about the various ways we had all been changed by the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life and the lessons that we learned from her faith in Christ. What stood out most to me was the various words that were used to describe who my Mom was: Forgiving, patient, generous, loyal, selfless, unconditional love, faithful… Going through that list it is easy to see that those are all attributes that my Mom learned from one place… the Lord Jesus Christ. The attributes that we will always remember about her belong also to that of her Savior. She was salt, light, a city on a hill and despite her illness, she reflected the Glory of God with everything that she had in her.

When it was all over, and we had stuffed ourselves with some amazing home-made desserts, I had to take a moment and step back and think about what had just happened. Instead of weeping with no hope, there were tears filled with the promise of a not to distant reunion. Instead of anger at God’s timing there was praise for 52 years that God allowed her to stay. Instead of crawling into a dark room, pulling the covers over our head and pretending that day didn’t exist, we embraced the trustworthiness, faithfulness and goodness of God in the life of His servant, my Mom. It was good to remember 2Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (ESV). I went to bed that night grateful for the amazing things that God had done that day, in light of what had happened a year ago that day: He had redeemed the irredeemable.

Now it is almost a week later and once again my family is faced with another challenge to remember and know that God is trustworthy, faithful and good. A few days ago my Mom’s sister (my Aunt Becky) was rushed to the hospital with severe pain in her stomach. While the doctors couldn’t immediately find the problem, we prayed and asked God to help them find the problem and come up with a solution to relieve her pain. You see shortly after my Mom’s death, my Aunt had a seizure and was hospitalized for over six months. In that time the doctors and nurses made many mistakes that almost cost my Aunt her life, and when all was said and done, they billed her and my Grandmother outrages sums of money for their mistakes. Over the past six months since my Aunt has been home from the hospital she has endured excruciating physical therapy, insurmountable financial challenges and sub-par medical care from people that should go to jail.

All of this, while she has patiently and quietly grieved for my Mom…

So today when we all found out that she was to have emergency surgery that would set her back to where she was six months ago it was hard to remember the Lord’s goodness. When the doctor came out and told us that my Aunt’s surgery had saved her life for now, rather than healed her permanently, it was hard to remember the Lord’s faithfulness. When I saw her there in the hospital bed with wires and tubes coming from everywhere, machines breathing for her, and barely conscious, it was hard to remember the Lord’s trustworthiness. But then something happened; I remember the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life. I remembered that she got her strength not from Muhammad, or Buddha or the Pope or some cosmic force. I remembered that she didn’t get her strength from reading a book, or rubbing some beads or taking some drug. I remembered “I can do all things through Him (Christ Jesus) who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 ESV).

As I remembered that I prayed out loud:

“Father God thank You for this day and thank You for Your blessings. Lord help us to remember that You are good, that You are faithful and that You are trustworthy. God You have given us so much strength over the past few years, Lord we’re asking for just a little bit more. And God I believe that You are a never-ending supply of strength so give us what we need to get through this and Lord don’t let us forget where it comes from… Your Son Jesus Christ. In His good name we pray… Amen.”

Now I am at my Grandmother’s house, after having a large and boisterous meal with her and my Grandfather. Looking at us in that booth tonight you would have never known that we had just come from the Hospital or that my Grandmother and Grandfather had been divorced for longer than three decades. We stayed up until just a few hours ago talking and supporting each other. I feel blessed that they are both in my life and I am so grateful to “The Big General,” as my Grandpa calls Him, for all the time God has given me to spend with them, despite the circumstances under which we have met these past few years. It’s another reminder of God’s goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness during this time of trial.

Your prayers for my Aunt are appreciated and I will do my best to update everyone via my Twitter page which links to my Facebook and to the box in the upper right column of this blog.