Today I spent the day with my Sister and her Boyfriend Daniel driving out to Riverside to place flowers on my Mom’s grave. It was a tough outing but it needed to be done. It helped not to be alone or apart from each other as kids who have lost a Parent. I spent some time on the car ride out praying for the family of Peggy Sturgis who was ushered into the loving arms of Jesus not to long ago. I know what it’s like to spend Mother’s Day without a Mom.

Mother’s Day will always be a difficult day for the rest of my life. I miss her so much everyday, but Mother’s Day is particularly hard. I miss spoiling her with a homemade card, dinner at whatever nice restaurant she chose and being able to spend time that day loving her, hugging her and appreciating all that she meant to me. Her success at being an amazing Mother emphasizes to me how often I failed at being a good son. It took her diagnosis with cancer and her first brush with death in October of 2006 for me to realize (too late) that I had never treated her with the respect and love that she deserved. I have so many regrets at how I treated her as a kid as a teenager and especially as a young adult. And now it’s too late to make up for any of it because she’s gone. Her memory is in my heart, but her presence is thankfully with the Lord… He never let her down… even in death.

When I read the Bible I am struck over and over again by the stories of people who were called by God to suffer.

Think about it…

From Cover to Cover there are countless stories of God’s people suffering and then God using those times in ways they could never imagine. There is even a whole section of Hebrews that is devoted to those who were called to suffer and lived by faith. Their stories serve as a reminder to us that while we are here on earth, we will be called to suffer. The greatest example of all is of course Jesus, who suffered so much that he sweat drops of blood before anyone had ever laid a hand on Him. If you’ve ever wondered if God can use suffering for His glory and for the redemption of mankind, you need look no further than example of suffering in Jesus Christ.

Over the past few years we have all been through a lot. We’ve lost loved ones, we’ve lost battles with evil, we’ve seen a groaning earth rumble and shake cities to the ground and we’ve probably all experienced some difficult financial times as well. For while, when I was in the heat of battle, I became very blind to the suffering of others. I was so consumed and wrapped up in what was going on with me, that I forgot about my fellow man. Yes, the firestorm and trials were very real and the pain was legitimate, but I turned a blind eye to those enduring unspeakable pain and suffering… God did not intend for us to suffer that way.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be contacting some of you and sharing some things that God has put on my heart. God has burdened me with a message that has changed my life. It’s the message of what the Gospel looks like when those of us who have been called to follow Christ are called to suffer. I’m also going to be contacting some of you and asking you to share your story about times when the Lord has called you to suffer. Some of you have been through some very difficult trials in your life and when I look at your life now, I can see how the Lord has shaped you a molded you because of that call to suffer.

If the Lord wills, the end result will be a resource, or set of resources, that will offer an alternative to our current view of what it means to suffer for the Lord. For now this project is entitled “The Call Of Suffering. The goal of these resources is to reshape and renew our minds when it comes to the topic of suffering in the life of a true follower of Christ. The reason for these resources is that during our times of suffering, it can be hard to understand our relationship with God. We fail to realize that a call to follow Christ, is a call of suffering in Christ. Today, most followers of Christ view suffering as unwanted, undeserved and unfair. However a careful and diligent study of God’s Word produces the constant theme of God calling His followers and even His only Son to suffer. In these resources, we’ll take a look at various instances in the Bible where God has called His people to suffer. We’ll also hear from and explore some present day examples of followers that God has called to suffer. Finally, we will fix our gaze on Jesus, who was called to suffer for the glory of His Father.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” Hebrews 12:1-3 (ESV)

Over the next few weeks I look forward to meetings and phone conversations with you as we learn about The Call Of Suffering.

I’d love for you to download these clips and make them available to people that are currently fighting cancer as well as cancer survivors and to families that have lost loved ones. I hope that my Mom’s story will inspire us not because of her strength, but from the strength she found in her Savior Jesus Christ.

Last Thursday June 18th, 2009 fourteen people experienced the goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness of God in a real and tangible way. On a day that should have been filled with sorrow, hopelessness and anger, God did what He does best: He redeemed the irredeemable. As we all gathered around and enjoyed a wonderful and filling meal, we had the opportunity to catch up on what has happened in each others lives this past year. God has done much and over the past year we have all become more fully devoted followers of Christ. This process of course has not been without trial, suffering or discomfort. In fact the majority of it took place as we attempted to fill the gaping whole in our life that my Mom left. Fortunately, it has been the Lord that has filled that gap and provided for our needs in ways we never could have imagined.

After the meal we all gathered in the living room and talked about the many memories we had of the Lord working in my Mom’s life. The more that was shared the more we all saw just how much the Lord used my Mom and even her illness, to teach us all to love Him more. We also talked about the various ways we had all been changed by the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life and the lessons that we learned from her faith in Christ. What stood out most to me was the various words that were used to describe who my Mom was: Forgiving, patient, generous, loyal, selfless, unconditional love, faithful… Going through that list it is easy to see that those are all attributes that my Mom learned from one place… the Lord Jesus Christ. The attributes that we will always remember about her belong also to that of her Savior. She was salt, light, a city on a hill and despite her illness, she reflected the Glory of God with everything that she had in her.

When it was all over, and we had stuffed ourselves with some amazing home-made desserts, I had to take a moment and step back and think about what had just happened. Instead of weeping with no hope, there were tears filled with the promise of a not to distant reunion. Instead of anger at God’s timing there was praise for 52 years that God allowed her to stay. Instead of crawling into a dark room, pulling the covers over our head and pretending that day didn’t exist, we embraced the trustworthiness, faithfulness and goodness of God in the life of His servant, my Mom. It was good to remember 2Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (ESV). I went to bed that night grateful for the amazing things that God had done that day, in light of what had happened a year ago that day: He had redeemed the irredeemable.

Now it is almost a week later and once again my family is faced with another challenge to remember and know that God is trustworthy, faithful and good. A few days ago my Mom’s sister (my Aunt Becky) was rushed to the hospital with severe pain in her stomach. While the doctors couldn’t immediately find the problem, we prayed and asked God to help them find the problem and come up with a solution to relieve her pain. You see shortly after my Mom’s death, my Aunt had a seizure and was hospitalized for over six months. In that time the doctors and nurses made many mistakes that almost cost my Aunt her life, and when all was said and done, they billed her and my Grandmother outrages sums of money for their mistakes. Over the past six months since my Aunt has been home from the hospital she has endured excruciating physical therapy, insurmountable financial challenges and sub-par medical care from people that should go to jail.

All of this, while she has patiently and quietly grieved for my Mom…

So today when we all found out that she was to have emergency surgery that would set her back to where she was six months ago it was hard to remember the Lord’s goodness. When the doctor came out and told us that my Aunt’s surgery had saved her life for now, rather than healed her permanently, it was hard to remember the Lord’s faithfulness. When I saw her there in the hospital bed with wires and tubes coming from everywhere, machines breathing for her, and barely conscious, it was hard to remember the Lord’s trustworthiness. But then something happened; I remember the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life. I remembered that she got her strength not from Muhammad, or Buddha or the Pope or some cosmic force. I remembered that she didn’t get her strength from reading a book, or rubbing some beads or taking some drug. I remembered “I can do all things through Him (Christ Jesus) who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 ESV).

As I remembered that I prayed out loud:

“Father God thank You for this day and thank You for Your blessings. Lord help us to remember that You are good, that You are faithful and that You are trustworthy. God You have given us so much strength over the past few years, Lord we’re asking for just a little bit more. And God I believe that You are a never-ending supply of strength so give us what we need to get through this and Lord don’t let us forget where it comes from… Your Son Jesus Christ. In His good name we pray… Amen.”

Now I am at my Grandmother’s house, after having a large and boisterous meal with her and my Grandfather. Looking at us in that booth tonight you would have never known that we had just come from the Hospital or that my Grandmother and Grandfather had been divorced for longer than three decades. We stayed up until just a few hours ago talking and supporting each other. I feel blessed that they are both in my life and I am so grateful to “The Big General,” as my Grandpa calls Him, for all the time God has given me to spend with them, despite the circumstances under which we have met these past few years. It’s another reminder of God’s goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness during this time of trial.

Your prayers for my Aunt are appreciated and I will do my best to update everyone via my Twitter page which links to my Facebook and to the box in the upper right column of this blog.

Today at 6:15pm my family and I will be observing a moment of silent prayer. It will mark the day and time one year ago that my Mom was ushered in the loving arms of Jesus. At times it feels like that day was a long time ago. But for the most part the feelings, thoughts and overwhelming grief of that day have lingered just beneath the surface as I have wandered through the past 365 days.

I have listened to countless sermons, read a few books, received cards, wept through emails and have had some wonderful people speak God’s truth into my life. All of it has helped on one way or another, but the words the thoughts and prayers will simply never be enough. I dare say that no earthly thing will ever be enough to heal my heart and make it whole.

If there is one small lesson, one short thought, one simple message that I have received loud and clear from God it’s this: “Life on this earth is temporary… and that’s the way it should be.” There is no reason for us to long to stay here on this fragile, fallen and failing earth longer than God’s plan for us.

I am reminded of Paul’s words to the Corinthians,

“For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-4 ESV

Try applying that passage to one whom you love and has been diagnosed with a senseless disease that will slowly take her life. Try applying that passage to the hours you spend on the phone with nurses and doctors at 2am only to hear them tell you there’s nothing more you can do. Try applying that as you attempt to say your final goodbyes, only to be interrupted by your loved one crying out in pain and having to be sedated with Morphine. Try applying that as you count the seconds in-between the labored breaths and come to grips with the debilitating reality that the gap is increasing with brutal regularity. Try applying that as you hold their hand for the last time and watch the life slowly slip from their eyes and the strength slip from their grasp and they take their last breath.

My friends, I can say with all honesty that I failed… I failed to remember the faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness of God.

I failed to remember the faithful God that created the universe, clothed the naked refugees, parted the Red Sea and sustained an entire people group despite their disobedience and rebellion. I failed to remember the trustworthy God that Abraham trusted despite being asked to sacrifice his one and only son Isaac, that Zechariah trusted despite God’s silence for 400 years and that Stephen trusted his life too in the midst of a hostile crowd. I failed to remember the good God that changes people’s hearts, empowers forgiveness and provides for all our needs in His perfect timing.

I forgot God, even though God had not forgotten me…

Now, after the toughest year of my life, I feel as if I am starting to remember the Lord. The word Remember is used over 130 times in the Old Testament and the majority of the time God is commanding us to remember what HE has succeeded in doing, not what WE have failed to do. Over this past year I have been challenged to regain an eternal perspective and abandon my selfish and unrealistic notion that I have any reason to be faithful to, to trust or to find true joy in anything on this earth that is temporal. Instead, I am to place my hope, faith, trust and expectation of good on the God who has given His Son Jesus Christ as a ransom for my life.

I have a feeling that this is not something that happens in a year, nor should it take place in a short amount of time. In fact, I can, should and want to spend the rest of my life enjoying God and proclaiming His faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness to others. The best part is that as of the time that I write this, my hope and faith and trust is better placed today than it was a year ago, which shows God’s faithfulness to sustain me, His trustworthiness to lead me where I can’t see and His goodness to provide me with everything I need to get through this day with my mind stayed on the Gospel.

Pray for not only for my family and me today, but pray for yourself. Pray that you will not forget God in your time of need and that you will remember his faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness, especially in those moments when all of them seem to be so far away.

Today my Dad, Sister and Granny (my Mom’s Mom) went out to Riverside National Cemetary for Mother’s Day. In the process of preparing for today, I was trying to think of what would benifit me as I work through the grieving process, but also what would benefit my family as well. As a result, I decided to prepare a short sermon to remind us of some things that would be encouraging and comforting on a tough day like today.

The Lord led me to John 11:1-45, the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Of course it’s a passage that many of you are familiar with, but I can honestly say this passage is much more powerful, in light of loosing a loved one that is a Follower of Christ.

I think that the words the Lord gave me were not just for us and so I’d like to share the sermon with you in written format. I hope it comforts those of you who have lost a loved one and I hope it encourages the rest of you to watch out for your brothers and sisters in Christ that are suffering. One final note, please excuse the simple “3 Point Outline” approach. After all I am a recovering Baptist…

—————————————————————-

Read John 11:1-45

Intro
Over the past 11 months we have been learning to live our lives here on earth without Mom. Some days, like today, have been tough then others and I think that it’s important for us, as we are moving through this greiving process to remember a few things.

1. God Is Still With Us
   a. Especially during the last few weeks of Mom’s life, it was really tough to remember that God was still with us. It was easy for us to say what Martha and Mary said:
   b. John 11:32 “Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.””
   c. Even Jesus on the cross felt forsaken and alone.
   d. He quoted from Psalms 22:1-2 “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.”
   e. It’s so easy to feel alone when we are suffering… but we can’t forget the end of the story and that next part of the Psalm.
   f. Psalms 22:3-5 “Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.”
   g. The reason we know God is with us is because He has continued to be faithful to us even today. God has been watching over us from before He was born and will continue to watch over us for all of eternity.
2. We Still Need To Trust God
   a. This is also another reason why we know God is with us… is because because we have trusted Him before and he has been faithful to us in many ways that we can’t even see.
   b. We can trust that God has rescued us from the power of sin and we can see that in the fact that we have been changed from the inside out.
   c. We don’t have to be a slave to the things of this world, instead we are free to worship and to love God.
   d. I know that we’ve dealt with so many set backs that it’s hard to trust God. But I think that’s because it’s not God that has failed us but the other things that we have put our trust in.
   e. We put our trust in Doctors, or medicine, our own resolve, our friends, our church. But in the end all of those failed in one way or another because they are all imperfect.
   f. And even though we may not understand it right now, we can trust God’s perfect plan to take Mom from this miserable earth, and bring her to a place of eternal worship and satisfaction in Christ.
   g. We know that Mom trusted God and her trust in Him has more than paid off because her faith has become sight. She knows now that she didn’t trust in vain and she was not put to shame.
3. We Still Need To Be Devoted To Proclaiming The Gospel
   a. I know that it’s hard to proclaim the truth of the Gospel when we are hurting.
   b. But when I think about what has comforted me the most, I think of the Gospel.
   c. It’s because I have been reminded that one day, because God has rescued us, we will be reunited with Mom in a perfect, healed body and will spend eternity together worshiping Jesus.
   d. We need to remind each other of that truth, but we also need to proclaim that same hope to our friends and family that don’t know the Lord.
   e. So that they too can spend eternity worshiping Jesus with us and with Mom.
   f. The reason Mom spent her last hours on earth proclaiming Jesus, instead of complaining to Jesus, was because she knew the Lord had called her to do so, no matter what the circumstances.
   g. And she also knew that the strength to do such a difficult thing didn’t come from her… it came from Jesus
   h. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him [Christ] who strengthens me.”

DeborahAmes.org

The Daily Breeze

LA Funeral

The service and reception will be held at:

Journey Of Faith Church
1243 Artesia Blvd
Manhattan Beach, CA 90266

In lieu of flowers, when thinking of my Mom in the days ahead, please give generously to World Impact.

Dear Freinds-

Mom went home to be with Jesus at 6:15pm on June 18th, 2008. Her family was at her side as Jesus ushered into His loving arms.

DeborahAmes.org

DeborahAmes.org

I finished my last final this morning around 8:30am. Instead of celebrating with my friends, I packed most of my stuff in my car and drove 50 miles south to Green Hills Cemetery to be with the friends and family of my dear friend Alese Coco. Today marks one year since she passed away from complications due to Hodgkin’s Disease.

I am still bothered by the fact that she was so young, had so much that she could have done, and yet people tell me that “God chose” to take her home to be with Him instead. Right now, I think that was pretty selfish of Him.

I wanted to have more time with Alese. I wanted to sit in front of the TV with Alese and imitate our favorite characters. I wanted to go to a restaurant and instead of waiting 2 hours like everyone else, waiting 2 minutes while Alese sweet talked her way to the best seat in the house. I wanted to have another laugh-so-hard-you-cry moment with Alese as we both made disparaging comments about each other’s style of clothing at almost the exact same time. There were many more moments that I wanted to have with this girl who made me feel like I was her big brother and she was my little sister.

Which is something that haunts me all the time. You see Alese and my sister were born the same year just a few weeks apart. It’s hard to think about Alese because I realize that it was only by “God’s sovereignty” that it is Alese instead of my sister in the grave. That could have been me and my family out there today, marking one year since we lost someone we love. In fact, with the way things are going with my Mom’s condition, it may be us standing by the grave of a loved one sooner then we’d like. It may be us, listening as a Pastor preaches on the “storms of life” and insists that there is a moment when “the sun bursts through the clouds” and there is a happy ending. It may be us listening to the sound of worship songs being sung through tears of sorrow and pain. It may be us that look toward heaven and ask, why couldn’t we have had one more day, one more month, one more year… one more lifetime.

Today has been another hard day, and right now, I’m not sure why I’m gonna get up tomorrow.

But I will get up tomorrow. And I’ll hug and kiss my Mom. And I will will do everything in my power to stand beside her and help her Fight2Win. From here on out, it may be the only thing that keeps me going.

Links:

AleseCoco.org (Alese’s homepage and journal)

Fight2Win.org (launched today in order to fund a cure to fight and win the battle against Hodgkin’s Disease)

DeborahAmes.org (my Mom’s homepage and journal)

The website is officially off and running. We have a few posts on their from all of us in the family and we’ll be posting a medical update as soon as we can.

Please be patient as we continue to expand and add new features.

http://deborahames.org

In the next few days I am going to be launching my Mom’s website. I am very excited about it and can’t wait to share it with you all. It’s based on the verse she holds most dear.

13I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13

Over the next few weeks as my Mom transitions to this “last” option we will need your prayers, we will need your support and most of all we will need the Lord’s guidance and peace. Hopefully in the next few weeks we’ll be setting up a website that will be updated regularly by our family and will be able to keep you posted on how things are going. As soon as it’s ready I’ll let you know.

I want to close with one last thought. In 1 Samuel 7 the prophet Samuel has called the Israelites back to the Lord after they had been disobedient. Despite the bad circumstances and the bleak outlook for the future Samuel does something incredible.

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, ‘ ‘Till now the LORD has helped us.’”
- 1 Samuel 7:12 (ESV)

Although my Mom’s illness is not God’s punishment for sin, nor is it consequences of sinful behavior, our broken messy world and our frail earthly bodies are all subject to the consequences of the fall in the garden. Thank God for His Son Jesus Christ, who was sent to put enmity between us and the Accuser, to pay for our sin, to Rise again, conquering over death Hell and the grave, and to Ascend into Heaven so we know that our eternal hope is secure.

God has brought us this far, He is not going to let us go.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Guest Blogger: My Mom

Thank you to all who have been praying and please continue to pray. God is so Awesome! We are all on this journey together, God does not give us the details He only asks us to obey Him, and Praise Him in all things.

This journey is of His choosing and my request is you pray that anyone and everyone our family comes in contact with on this journey, sees Jesus in and through us and that God gets all the Glory!!!

“13I can do all things through him who strengthens me”

Philippians 4:13