Tales From The Yellow Brick Road

For the past few weeks as the election gets closer I have found myself defending my decision to vote for Senator Barack Obama. This is probably the first time I have ever defended a Presidential Candidate with logical arguments, personal experience and a sense of urgency to defeat the alternative choice. Of all the issues that come up the most the two that I have avoided talking about were Abortion and Marriage For Homosexuals. The reason was that I felt in my gut that Senator McCain’s statements and attitudes towards those issues were not based on the same values and standards that I have as a follower of Jesus. The trouble was, I just couldn’t put it into words in order to come up with good solid arguments other then “Me no likey.”

So when I came across Donald Millers blog and found the following statements on these two major issues, plus an additional statement on the faith of both candidates, I nearly leaped for joy! So thank you Donald Miller for once again putting into words something that I have had so much trouble expressing.

On abortion:

I am a pro-life voter, but do not believe John McCain’s plan on the issue will work. McCain’s only stand on the issue has been a recent switch to a pro-life position, and a promise to continue the attempt to criminalize abortion through the Supreme Court.I believe this is an empty promise, and anybody who understands our judicial system would know this. Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supreme Court (our most conservative Judge, many feel, and the pro-lifers greatest hope for the plan to criminalize abortion) has stated that Roe V. Wade “is the law of the land” and has been backed up in precedent by the Casey case. He does not believe it is plausible to overturn both rulings. Of course it is possible, but it would take a judicial miracle and the appointment of even more conservative, activist judges. This is the only way the overturning of Roe V. Wade will happen. The continuation of rhetoric about being pro-life but not having a realistic plan has tired me of the Republican Party. As more and more evangelicals walk away, I hope Republicans will stop giving lip-service to this important issue. My hope is they will realize they are going to lose more and more votes until they are willing to engage in a bipartisan effort to make progress with comprehensive legislation that is realistic and actual.

The Democrats have proposed comprehensive legislation called the 95/10 initiative that aims to reduce the number of abortions that take place in this country by 95% within 10 years. While Barack Obama is a pro-choice candidate, he supports this and similar legislation. This is the only proposed and realistic strategy that can move us around the cultural impasse that is breathing hate and anger into the Christian community.

While Barack Obama opposes late-term abortions, he has made promises to the National Organization or Women to make progress in a woman’s right to chose. I wish Obama were more strong on this issue. Still, I do feel he will accomplish more than John McCain, as John McCain has only recently taken this position and offers no legislation and no plan.

This is a very debatable issue. There are facts on both sides that seem to refute any argument made. But I have had to do the research and take a position and, for now, this is my position.

Gay Marriage:

This is not an issue I think much about because I am neither gay nor married, but I understand the evangelicals desire to protect the sanctity of marriage and define it as an exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. I agree with both candidates on this issue as they both oppose gay marriage but protect constitutional rights for domestic partners. In order to oppose civil rights for homosexuals, you would have to change the constitution which I think is dangerous. I agree with McCain and Obama both on this issue as they have stated the same position.

On other issues that are no less important although less heated such as the economy, globalization and trade, the environment and energy, I support Barack Obama’s positions over John McCain’s.

But let me make something very clear. I don’t dislike John McCain. I think he is a good man and a drastic improvement over Republican candidates in the past. I do wish he were a Christian, or would talk about faith, Jesus, Redemption or the Cross. Barack Obama does, very often, and very unashamedly. I am uncomfortable with the idea of a truly secular man in the White House, a man who has no church, no pastor, does not read the Bible and may not even pray. John McCain seems like a good man, but a secular man. I want our next President to talk and listen to God.

I think I can honestly say we should sing the following song…

“Some to Jesus I surrender
Some to Him I sort of give
I will sometimes love and trust Him
In His presence sometimes live

I surrender some
I surrender some
Some to You my blessed Savior
I surrender some”

Surrendering all to Jesus just hasn’t been difficult for me all of my life. With all the major changes He threw my way over the past year, it’s been even harder to let go and surrender everything to Him.

I trust myself, I rely on myself, I can take of myself, I know myself and I love myself. But I have trouble trusting God, relying on God, allowing God to take care of me, knowing God and loving God. The problem is, I will always fail and He will never fail. In recent conversations, I’ve come to realize that I am the one that has failed time and time again in many areas, but that God has never once failed me. Just because He allowed blessings for a time and then took them away, doesn’t mean He has failed.

I have a feeling that very few people could meaningfully sing the actual words to that song…

“All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to You my blessed Savior
I surrender all”

It’s hard to surrender. It’s hard to raise you hands to God in surrender when the whole world has been turned upside down and you feel like the only thing you’ve got going for you is gravity. Well guess what? Gravity… that’s God’s faithfulness. You think that breath you just took was something you did? Nope… Turns out that’s God’s faithfulness too. Have you tried to create a Solar System latley? Some of you can’t even creat an Excel Spreadsheet let alone a planet. So when the tough times come (not if but when) and you think you can go it alone and you don’t need to surrender to God, be prepared for a thumping. I can honestly say from my own experiences that surrender is the only option.

Too bad we don’t do it more often…

For the past 7 years September 11th has been a day that has caused many to pause and ponder the fragility of human life. As a nation we have never experienced grief of this magnitude since Pearl Harbor so many decades ago, still fresh in the minds of another generation. One day in the future, people of this generation will tell the next generation why this day was so pivotal in our lives. And, just as our generation did, they won’t understand it until the defining and pivotal moment comes in their lifetime.

What is so fascinating about a day like September 11th is the scale, the comprehensiveness and the universality of the grief it brought about.

First, almost 3,000 people died as a result of the direct attacks that day and over 3,000 more have given their lives in the ensuing war. That makes the total cost in human lives (from America alone) at over 6,000. Imagine for a moment if only two people knew each of the 6,000 people that have died and you have at least 18,000 that have died or were directly affected by those events. But the list doesn’t stop there. Each of those two people have a few friends and pretty soon the number of those who are only 1 person away from the tragedy has grown quite a bit. Add to that the number of people who saw the attacks, and have watched the coffins arrive live on TV and now you have millions of people that witnessed a traumatic life changing event. The scale of grief is overwhelming to think about.

Second, the grief takes on many shapes and fashions. There is the immediate grief caused by the death of a loved one. There is the empathetic grief that others feel toward those that are left behind. There is the fearful grief at the loss of our safety and security. There is the angry grief at the failure of leadership to prevent the attacks and their decision to implicate an innocent nation instead of getting the real bad guys. There is the survivors grief of those who escaped buildings, called in sick, missed flights or had a feeling to take a different route than normal. There is the spiritual grief for those that can’t piece together how a loving and caring God could allow such terrible things to happen to those He says He loves and to their families. There is the guilty grief that wishes they had said “I love you,” or had hugged someone or forgiven someone but never got the chance. There is the intellectual grief that causes people to crunch numbers and count statistics on how it was almost impossible for all the tumblers to fall into place and allow the devil himself to be unleashed. The comprehensiveness of the grief is also overwhelming to think about.

Third, all humans will face grief in its various and insidious forms. It may come in the form of cancer, or a hurricane, or a tornado or a weak levy, but most often it comes from you and me. That’s right everyone, look around, look in a mirror and you will find the main source of grief in all it’s gory glory. Mankind. If we’re not doing something to hurt ourselves, we’re probably doing something to hurt someone else. No one in this life can escape it from the moment they are conscious of themselves to the moment they take their last breath. All have tasted the grip of grief. All are shaped by it, most don’t understand it, some embrace it and few deny it. We all know what it’s like to loose someone, even if it is not death that separates us. Perhaps it’s time, perhaps it’s hurt perhaps it’s distance. Whatever it may be, we have all lost people we cared about. We also have felt the sting of defeat in the midst of a battle. Perhaps it’s a battle with a disease, perhaps it’s a battle with sin, perhaps it’s a battle with God. There is no way to overlook the battles we’ve all lost in one way or another. The universality of grief will always be overwhelming to think about.

So where does that leave us 7 years later?

7 years later we still grieve, 6,000 people are still dead and everyone has been changed by this one event for the rest of their lives here on earth. I can only think of one other event in history that has affected mankind in such a way. It is the eucatasrophe of the cross. Out of the grief, pain, loss and fear that came in the final moments of the cross, there came an event that turned a catasrophic event into a glorious moment of hope and strength for those that needed it the most. The Resurrection. From the rubble of a mountain shaped like a skull came the new, pure and glorified body of the One who had made it all to begin with. Such is the work that only someone like the God of the Bible can do. Only God can take the shattered and torn in heart, the broken and weary in faith, the lonely and grieving in spirit and bring about a sudden and complete reversal that undoes the power of grief and transforms it into joy. And only God can heal those who grieve.

I heard a story once that when Vince Lombardi first took over the Green Bay Packers he faced some real challenges. Legend has it that one day, out of frustration for their poor performance, he stopped practice and had all the players gather around him and a football. He is rumored to have told his his players, “This is a football. These are the yard markers. You are the players. I am the coach.” He then went on to explain each detail of the game of football as if they had never heard it before, not out of disrespect, but beause the players had forgotten the basics of the game and the ultimate goal.

Everyone in a while I think God stops practice, gathers us around and says, “This is a Bible. This is my Son. I am God. You are not.” God has a way of reminding us about the basics of what it means to be a follower of Christ. Usually that moment comes in the midst of a trial or failure when we need it the most. Sometimes it happens when everything seems to be going okay, and we feel like we’re at the top of our game. It’s easy to be deceived into thinking that things are going well, but it’s a big wake up call when The Coach has you on the bench because you’ve forgotten the basics. Maybe you even felt like you made a big play but He puts you on the bench anyways. Don’t forget, the basics: He’s God… you’re not. It’s all about playing the game for Him, not for yourself or your glory. And when you get back on the field, don’t go right back out there and forget the basics again, or it’ll be another lap in the wilderness for you.

Eventually we’ll learn the basics and we’ll never forget them. By that time we’ll have played many games. Lost some and won some. But no matter what the record may seem to be to you, The Coach still has a perfect season everytime. And at the end of the season you get a crown and a trophy to enjoy with The Coach for your retirement. You’ll be so banged up and bruised from the game you’ll look foward to the rest and the satisfaction of knowing that The Coach said, “Well done good and faithful player.”

So take some time this week to get back to the basics…

It’s about time I did.

Big Announcement #2: I Will Not Be Returning To The Master’s College

Okay so maybe I lulled you into a false sense of security when I made my first announcement but to be fair I did warn you a while back.

So yeah, this is a BIG announcement and I am going to do my best to explain the situation while maintaining the privacy I talked about last time.

Here goes…

1. It’s A Matter Of Character

Some time ago, a situation came about where I faced a major crisis that turned into a legal problem. The resolution of that legal problem called my character into question and left me picking up the pieces of my life 19 days after my Mom died. During the legal process I was unable to disclose the situation to TMC and when I could, there was little more than a month left before I was due to be back for SLS Retreat. Because of the timing, TMC felt it was best to exclude me for this school year (2008-2009) and reevaluate things next year.

2. It’s A Matter Of Cost

Even before my exclusion for 2008-2009, going to TMC was going to be a long term financial burden and was already a short-term financial strain. The death of my Mom further complicated things due to the fact that the lost income has put my family in a precarious situation. On top of that, I had to go into a considerable amount of debt due to the legal costs and would have no way to pay that back while going to TMC. The final problem is that there are classes that I’d have to take, in order to graduate in 2010, that are only being offered this year. Because they won’t be offered again until the 2010-2011 school year, and because of my age, finishing at TMC is neither wise nor feasible.

3. It’s A Matter Of Calling

When I first began at TMC, the goal was to learn the necessary tools to become a full-time Creative Arts Pastor and felt called to a career in the Church. However, that is no longer possible. As I faced the legal situation, I quickly started to reevaluate everything in my life and soon began to feel that going into ministry was no longer my calling and in all honesty, was no longer my desire. In addition, the Bible lays out some pretty strict guidelines for those that want to be in leadership in the church and I am confident that I no longer meet those guidelines, nor do I want to pursue them. I did not evaluate myself lightly but merely held my character and spiritual fortitude up to the lens of scripture and was convicted by the Holy Spirit that I was lacking.

——————

All that being said, here are some answers to a few questions I anticipate you may have:

1. Are you excluded from TMC campus or just enrolling in classes?

I am only excluded from attending classes, however I probably won’t be on-campus very much and if I am, it can only be on lower campus. Because I live and work within 40 miles of TMC, there will still be plenty of opportunities for me to see and hang out with the folks from TMC off-campus.

2. Does this mean you are not going to finish your degree?

Before my Mom died, I promised her that I would finish school, even if she wasn’t around for me to do so. At the time I couldn’t imagine facing school without her love and support, and although I still can’t imagine what that is going to be like, I intend to fulfill that promise to her.

3. If you’re going to finish, when will you go back?

Unfortunately, it was too late in the year to apply anywhere else for Fall 2008 so the earliest I’d start would be Spring 2009. However, there is a possibility that I may take a little bit longer to go back, while I figure out what kind of degree to pursue and the best place to pursue it.

4. Are you going to attend a Christian College?

In my opinion there is only one Christian College for me and it’s TMC. Although there are some great schools out there that emphasize Christ and Scripture, there is only one that preaches the Christ I know and teaches the Scripture I read and that is TMC. All that being said, when I go back it will more than likely be at a secular institution. There are many world-renown colleges and universities that offer competitive programs in the arts.

5. What career are you going to pursue now that you’re not going to be a Pastor?

Although my calling has defiantly been changed, I don’t think my gifts and talents have. I am still very interested in using the gifts I have in the arts as a springboard for a career in the arts, but it’s going to take some time to figure all that stuff out. However, no matter what my new major is going to be, I still have some Gen Ed to get out of the way, so I’ll probably start there.

I think that’ll do it for this post. If you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them here on the blog, or email me. I have a few more announcements to make so don’t let down your guard yet.

Big Announcement #1: This Will No Longer Be An Online Journal About Me

As someone who has been blogging and podcasting for three years it’s really easy to think that because you’ve lasted this long, your blog is the best blog in the world, especially if you don’t read a lot of other blogs. I can honestly say I do read a lot of blogs and I know what a good one looks like and this isn’t one. So here are a few reasons why the blog is changing:

1. Lack Of Regularity And Consistency

When I first started blogging the goal and purpose was to share what was going on in my life and to pass on some funny stories, articles, pictures and videos. When I began reading other blogs they all had regular weekly features like Mind Dumps, Bible Journeys and other recurring themes and so for a while I tried to adopted that style. The only feature that ever really lasted was my TMC Journal but that was less a feature about life as a TMC student and more just an extension of what was going on in my life. That being said, an online journal is cool and all, but you really don’t develop a following or a regular audience unless you’re consistent. I have been consistently inconsistent and as a result I have very few regular readers and more Googlers and Yahooers that are just passing by when a keyword or tag from my blog lands in their search results.

2. A Need To Protect My Privacy

I have been a very honest and open person ever since I became a Christian. I felt that instead of keeping the blessings and failures in my life a secret, I would be someone that was transparent and real with those around me. I believe that part of it was my personality and part of it was a need for attention. Every once in a while I’d go through a “crisis” and strategically point any and every conversation toward my troubles in order to gain sympathy and affection from my friends. As I began to get older and more mature people began confronting me about it and so it decreased less and less to where I simply had a small circle of people who knew “everything” about me and then had the general population that would get and honest answer to any question they asked me for the sake of authenticity. I’m not sure it was a bad idea but when you go through life being an open book and are suddenly faced with a real crisis which can’t be public knowledge you learn very quickly that sometimes there is a need for privacy and protecting the parts of who I am that have no business being shared with mere acquaintances.

3. Disclaimers Are Good Up To A Point

Early on in my bogging experience, I made some comments on a Podcast that got me in trouble. Comments that led a friend of mine to believe that I was talking about them and the organization that we were a part of. I immediately got an irate phone call from them demanding answers and it took me quite a while to explain that the comments were not directed at them or the organization and had to remove the portion of the Podcast where I made the comments. After a few similar incidents, I posted a disclaimer that helped folks understand that my opinions were my own and that they were not the onions of others unless they stated so on the blog. However, I think I missed the point in that initial confrontation. The problem was less about who I was representing, but was more about the fact that my comments were misinterpreted because they were not well thought out or carefully planned. And sometimes, no matter how carefully you word something, there will be those who misinterpret what you say and end up being offended.

4. You Are What You Blog

I have to say when I look back at all the posts for the past three years I have noticed a frightening trend. Since I began blogging 70% of my blogs have been written because I was depressed and the content and the tone reflected that. In other words, this blog is pretty depressing when you go back and look at all the stuff that I’ve written. It has been the most intense the past 1½ years due to my Mom’s cancer and subsequent death but if someone was to come along and read this, without knowing me, they’d probably think I was a pretty depressed and somber guy. For those of you who know me, you know that I have a sense of humor and laugh a lot and joke a lot, but you wouldn’t think that by reading this. If I really wanted this blog to be a place where I share my thoughts and what’s going on, I either did a terrible job, or my life really sucks (it could be both).

——————————

Here is what you can expect in Tales From The Yellow Brick Road 2.0:

1. More Consistency For The Sake Of Consistency

Over the next month or so I’m going to be trying out a few different styles and formats. I’ll warn you in advance it’s going to suck, but I hope that when the right one comes along you’ll email me and speak up. I want to find a genre of blogging and stick with it. Maybe it’ll be an entertainment review blog, maybe it will be a Bible verse blog maybe it will be a Wizard Of Oz trivia blog who knows. All I know is when I find the right format that is appealing to all you regulars, I’ll stick with it.

2. I’m Keeping Stuff On The Down Low

If you want to know what’s going on in my life and want to keep up with all the stuff going on, you’re gonna have to find another way besides this blog. From now on my personal life will be private. I’m not ruling out the possibility of having a journal, but from now on it’s not going to be available for all the world to see. One alternative to this will be my Twitter Feed that I will maintain and keep updated with short snippets of what’s up, but don’t expect any posts about me or my life that are more than 140 characters.

3. I Ain’t Representin’

My disclaimer still stands, but just know that I reserve the right at anytime to give honest assessments of public organizations that I may or may not be involved in and that other people may or may not be involved in. Unless I name someone by name don’t assume that I’m talking about anyone in particular. If I’m going to blog about something that is potentially “misinterpretable,” I’ll clear it through someone else first before I post it. Hopefully, the lack of personal content on my part will also help eliminate some of those misunderstandings.

4. This Blog Is Now Officially On Prozac

From now on my posts will go through an elaborate evaluation for depression related material. Any and all posts that are potentially depressing will go through a rigorous editing and sifting process. All of us know that sometimes the world can be persistent source of discouragement, however there’s no reason for me to make this blog a sob fest that tries to coax certain emotional responses from people. Some of this will be solved due to increased privacy but mostly, it’ll be a conscience decision to choose a less discouraging approach.

Well that’s it for now. More jaw-dropping announcements to come shortly… I figured I’d start with and obvious and easy one.

I just wanted to let you all know that I will be making a few announcements here on the blog over the next few weeks. Most of the announcements have to do with some major changes in my life that will definitely affect this blog, its content as well as it’s purpose and goal. I hope that sentence was vauge enough for you all to check back often over the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I want to take this opportunity now to thank you all for faithfully reading here day after day even when I don’t get around to posting for days at a time. For those of you who are newer, this is a great opportunity for you to bail out now… JUST KIDDING! This is actually a great time for you to get to know me better and to one day in the future say, “I remember when…”

I hope that over the next few weeks during this time of transition that all of you will stick around while things get revamped and retooled for this next stage of my life.

Tell me if the following scenario sounds familiar:

Over 100 people are standing outside a bank, hoping they can get their money back. The bank had failed and now people were left wondering if everything they had worked so hard to earn and put away for a “rainy day” would now just be mud. You see the economy had taken a turn for the worse and after the hemorrhaging of the stock market the banks were starting to feel the sting of a recession.

If you think that sounds like the beginning of the Great Depression, you’re right, but it’s also what I witnessed today outside of IndyMac Bank in Torrance, CA.

I was running some errands in the area and decided to drive by the bank and see what their was to see. Needless to say I was shocked.

In Depression-Era style, people had lined up outside of the bank to withdraw their money and figure out what to do with it. “Lois” who retired from Honeywell over a decade ago said that she wasn’t sure if her money was safe somewhere else or not. “It’s a little scary to think that we’re not going to be able to get all of our money and if we get it where can we put it where it’ll be safe?” Most people in line said they’d have to put it in another bank. “Jesse,” a Navy Veteran on disability from asbestos poisoning said he had no choice but to put his money where it would collect little to no interest. “If I ever thought that this was possible I never would have put it all here. But this place offered me a great interest rate when my other bank was bought out two years ago. Now I have to trust that some other bank will keep my money safe.” The accounts offered by IndyMac paid as much as 5% interest to customers that banked with them, although that figure has been lowered for newer accounts as the economy has come to a crawl. Regular banks that offer Savings Accounts with interest usually only offer 2% or less, which is quite a large gap when you have more than $100,000 at stake.

“Bobby” and “Beverly” have a combined total of over the $100,000 that is Federally insured at IndyMac. They had arrived outside of the bank at 7:50am and found that a large line had already formed. It was about 2:00pm when I spoke with Bobby, who was sitting in the shade on the tailgate of his car. “When they opened they told us that they could only take 90 people… my wife and I were number 89.” As we talked, a large and loud security began shouting instructions at the crowd. His demeanor and tone were typical for what customers at the Torrance IndyMac branch had experienced all day. “When we first signed up they offered us coffee and snacks and all kinds of incentives. Now we’re standing out here in the heat and they’re yelling at us and won’t even give us some water,” Bobby explained. Earlier in the day some employees from Trader Joe’s across the parking lot from IndyMac brought over full carts of free water bottles to the anxious crowd, most of whom are 50 or older. Some employees from CitiBank also dropped by with juice boxes and fliers from their bank. One lady, who had been standing on her feet since 9am, needed two juice boxes and a helping had from Arturo, an employee at CitiBank. “We’re just here to help people get through this difficult time.” I asked him if felt that people would have a hard time trusting banks after today and he smiled, “That’s another reason we’re out here. We want to let folks know that not all banks have gone bad.”

However, at the front of the line, “Stan,” “Teresa,” “Deb,” and “Mia,” all had a different point of view. All four of them had been waiting since before 9am and all of them had disabilities that did not allow them to stand for long periods of time. “My parents did this 80 years ago,” said Stan, who had been offered a seat in someone’s yard chair due to his need for a walker. “They had to live through the banks going under back then and I’d never thought it’d happen again.” Deb, who was in a wheelchair and needs oxygen said that her money isn’t used for expensive trips or luxuries. “I use my money to survive. I’m a sick woman and even with health insurance I still have medical bills that are hundreds of dollars. The interest is how I pay those bills.” Now Deb faces the uncertainty of placing her money in another bank with high interest, hoping that they too will not fail. “Not only are they making us wait around, but we don’t even know if we’re going to get our money. You have to stand in line just to talk to someone.” Mia, who walks with a cane, said that she had no intention of putting her money in another bank. “I’ll just have to hold on to it and figure out what to do with it later. But at least I’ll know where it’s at and that if I need it I can get to it.” All four of them had waited over 3 hours before an official from the bank pulled them aside to let them wait in the shade. “We still might not get in today, no one has told us anything for hours,” said Deb.

At the back of the line, most people had only been there for an hour or so. “Linda,” said she wasn’t really nervous, but was hoping to get in today. “I have a lot of questions and I wanted to speak to someone in person.” When asked if she knew that the line she was in was to make an appointment for tomorrow, her expression changed. “So I have to stand in line today, in order to stand in line again tomorrow?” She asked. Anthony, a gentlemen in front of her replied, “Yeah, that’s how you can tell that the Government took over this operation. You have to wait in line, just so you can wait again.” The FDIC took over IndyMac on Friday and over the weekend it’s customers had a lot of time on their hands to worry about their futures. “It’s not like we didn’t see this coming,” Anthony added. “I’m going to three other banks today and putting it all in larger banks. I’m done with the smaller banks.” When asked what attracted him to the smaller bank in the first place he responded, “With a bigger bank comes less return and more bureaucracy. But if I’m gonna have to worry about the same thing at a smaller bank, why bother? I’m safer at a big bank.”

Time will tell if money is safer at the bigger banks or if this is just the beginning of a long line of bank failures.

Here’s passage I’m reflecting on in light of all the events of the past month…

Psalm 34

1I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
3Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
4I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

11 Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
20He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
21 Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
22The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
-(ESV)

Right now I am having a hard time trusting God with my life here on earth. You see for the past 8 months my faith has been on what could best be described as a roller coaster with no seat belts. I have been facing trials and hardships so evil that you’d think Stephen King had been involved in developing plot. People who claim to be Christians have relentlessly pursued my destruction and I am left wondering how I can pick up my Bible and read about a God that is good, and yet face so much bad.

For those that are thinking right now, “Well Cliff you have to realize it’s all because of the fall in Genesis 3,” I’d like to remind you that I do believe that God created the earth and it’s inhabitants in 7 days and that He created everything good, and that eventually mankind screwed up and we now live in a fallen world as a result. I know that and I believe it, but while you’re patting yourself on the back for remembering the correct Sunday School answer, don’t forget about Verse 15 of Genesis Chapter 3.

“15I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel.”
-Genesis 3:15 (ESV)

You should also remember from Sunday School, that Verse 15 promises the coming of Jesus who brings hope for eternal life. So let’s not make all of Genesis 3 the “scapegoat” for evil in the world. Genesis 3:15 is a glimmer of hope in the midst of the greatest disaster in human history.

And so here I am in the midst of the greatest disaster in my own history and I’m having a hard time finding that glimmer of hope. You see several years ago me and a few of my Christian friends in Florida had a running “joke” about what life was like at the end if a particularly hard day. We use to say, “Well… at least I still have my salvation.” Although it was a joke at the time, nothing that I or those other friends of mine had been through really put that statement to the test. That is until recently in my life.

Another friend of mine made a shocking and sobering statement to me last night. We were discussing my current trial and he reminded me of Romans 8:28.

28And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28 (ESV)

He then asked me if there was a time limit on that verse…

to which I responded no…

and then I realized the cold hard truth…

God promises that if I love Him and am called according to His purpose that all things will work together for my good…

but God can do so whenever He wants to…

meaning that God doesn’t have to work things together for good while I’m here on this earth…

And so in the midst of the firestorm that I have been facing, and the trial that I am about to face, I’m left with nothing but a handful of promises in Scripture that don’t have to be fulfilled until heaven. And I’m left thinking to myself, “Well… at least I still have my salvation…” but is that enough? Do I have enough faith to trust God to make all the injustices, loss and pain here on earth worthwhile when I get to heaven?

You see I am greatful my friend also graciously pointed out that perhaps the glimmer of hope in all of this is that I have an eternity with Jesus to look foward to. Sure it’ll be great to be reunited with my Mom and my other friends and family that are enjoying God’s presence, but my problem in all of this is has been that I haven’t longed for heaven enough. I’ve been too consumed and wrapped up with my “best life now” to realize that the best is yet to come.

So pray that I’ll repent of my unbelief and be more content about living the next life, rather than being consumed with my desire for fulfillment in this life.

If you have any comments, questions of cries of outrage feel free to respond… I’m looking for more guidance and encouragement from Godly people such as yourselves.

You were probably wondering when I’d get around to posting my thoughts on the recent unexpected turn of events in my Mom’s condition.

I guess 3:42am is the perfect time…

Right now Mom is sleeping and I am on night watch making sure she takes her medication and is able to stay as comfortable as possible during the night. It’s hard to imagine that just a week ago Mom was pretty much able to get around on her own without supervision. She was able to have normal conversations and was able to eat normal food. But over the next few days she slowly but surley lost more and more of her ability to breath and the ability to care for herself. By Saturday she was being watched and cared for 24 hours a day by those of us in her immediate family in conjunction with Hospice. When Dr. Jilani gave his official word on Monday it had already set in that we were dealing with a shorter time line than any of us had imagined.

So this is our first week of caring for someone that will be going home to Jesus soon. How soon we don’t know and even Dr. Jilani told us, “For your sake as much as for my sake I can’t give you a time line.” That means we are faced with the struggle between life and death from now until we say our final goodbyes. Our perspective has changed and it has changed rapidly. One minute we lived out each day never thinking that it could be her last; now we pray each night for just a little more time to spend with Mom. One more laugh, one more hug, one more tender kiss on her cheek before our Loving Savior ushers her into a paradise so filled with joy and peace that there are no tears and no pain and no long nights like tonight, wondering how you’re gonna make it through until morning.

Don’t think it was easy for me to write that last sentence because despite the fact I know where my Mom’s soul will be, it doesn’t change the fact that I will miss her the rest of my days on earth. For now I probably shouldn’t list all the reasons why I’ll miss her (mostly because that would end the post here due to a short circuit in the keyboard from all the tears) but suffice it to say that the reasons are plentiful and depth of her influence in my life is unimaginable. It’s hard to think that a day is soon coming when I’ll reach for my phone to call for her advice on a homework assignment and realize that there will be no answer. Or that a day is coming when my wife walks down the aisle and looks as beautiful as Mom did on her wedding day (despite the spilled milk on her dress). Or that a day is coming when I show my kids one of the rare pictures of my Mom and tell them that Grandma Deborah was an amazing servant of King Jesus, was named after a judge in the Bible and had touched many lives on her short time here on earth.

But for now our family is living in the present and we are all learning how to care for Mom in a way that will most glorify Jesus, despite our sad hearts and heavy burden. We have already learned a lot in the process. We’ve learned that we need to work together as a team. We’ve learned that sometimes you have to make the small victories just as important as the big decisions. We’ve learned that the Bible and prayer have a whole new meaning when someone you love is dying. We’ve learned that even though our pespective has changed our God has not. He is still the same God that gave a blind man sight and made a lame man walk. He forgave the prositute and ate with tax collectors. He walked on the water, calmed the storm and asked some terrified disciples an important question:

“25He said to them, ‘Where is your faith?’”
-Luke 8:25a

Dear Thug(s)-

Hope you’re not offended by the word Thug but then again you committed a crime and broke into my car so I don’t really care if you are offended or not. Oh yeah and… YOU FORGOT THE RADIO MORON!

Something tells me that you’re not too bright. Perhaps you should have taken my $200 flashlight so that next time you can see better, but it seems you left that behind too.

Maybe you had your $75 headphones on and were distracted by the loud music playing in your empty head. That would explain why you left my iPhone headphones behind after you went through my glove compartment.

But maybe, just maybe the thing you should have taken was my $150 police scanner.

Because when the cops use the fingerprints you left in my car (and you did leave some) to find you and hunt you down, you’re going to wish you had some warning to run from the SWAT team that kicks down your door, uses a flash-bang grenade to make your ears ring and your eyes blind. And I hope when they shove you to the ground like the scum you are you’ll think, “Why would they go to all this trouble when I didn’t take anything?”

Because you did take something from me. You took away my sense of security and safty. True, I live in the ghetto and the likleyhood that you live in the ghetto too is very high. But you chose the wrong white-guy to attack last night. Because when the SWAT team carries you out of that house I’ll be there with the $3000 camera that you left in my trunk to put your incompentant, ugly face all over the news so that when your thug friends bail you out with their crack money, you’re Mom will beat you silly like she should have done when you were younger.

Oh and if you’re thinking about coming back to my hood and back to my car and trying again, you better hope and pray the posse I’ve rounded up doesn’t catch you.

Normally I like to wait for the official story and direct quote from the source, but I wanted to blog about this while it was still fresh in my mind. Some of you may have heard that Barak Obama “resigned” from his church this weekend. In the circles I run in most people don’t really resign from a church, they leave the church. In fact, not to long ago a friend of mine had this to say about folks leaving the church. Hundreds of blog posts and articles have been written about the reasons people leave a church. I think for Barack Obama it came down to two main issues.

First, Obama left the church because the presidential campaign began interfering with the church’s ability to function. Dozen’s of calls each day, as well as parishioners being harassed by the media turned the place into a circus. The attention shifted from what the church should be doing, to containing the firestorms that kept erupting every time Obama commented about his faith or the church.

Second, Obama left the church because the former pastor’s words, as well as the words spoken by current speakers, were erroneously attributed to his ideaology and message. Obama repeatdly shared with his critics that not everything that was said from the pulpit in the church lined up with his point of view, or how he believes the country should be run. The most damaging statemtents that were frustrating to Obama were the various racist statements that were made by his former pastor. I’d like to add the the most inflamatory statments made by the former pastor were made after the pastor retired from the chruch and had moved on.

This brings up an interesting conundrum.

First, in our day to day lives we represent the chruch we go to. At work, at school, at home and online if you have a church that you call home you are representing it in one way or another. Most people think that their behavior should only be above repraoch if they are in leadership or work for the chruch. But I think Jesus would disagree. Granted, their are folks in the chruch that have issues of sin that may haunt them and plage them throughout their Christian walk, and thus they are not fit for leadership. However, I’m talking about the average person that regularly attends the same chruch, gives of their time, talent and treasures to the church and yet their life outside of church is lived differently. Perhaps even worse, is when churches ignore immoral behavior and continue to allow someone to represent their chruch and in turn represent Christ, despite their actions.

Second, in it’s words and actions the church represents us. When a church ignores poverty, allows unrepentant sin to continue and preaches a message contrary to the Gospel, it reflects on who you are as a church-goer. Is it okay to stay at a church that allows women to be pastors, practicing homosexuals to serve and preaching pastors to subvert and dillute the Gospel? What about something not so obvious… like a preaching pastor that denies a 7-day literal creation? Or an Elder board that allows baptism and communion to happen only when it is convienant to the worship schedule? Or Deacons and Deaconesses to spend more time gossiping during their prayer meetings than serving the needs of the body? When do the actions of your church cross the line and begin to reflect poorly on you?

I know for Obama, he was VERY patient and VERY careful not to leave and abandon his church at the first sign of controversy. From the beginning Obama was very clear that the chruch was very important to him and that he had willingly overlooked the faults of the past, as well as the words and actions of his foremer pastor. Obama made it clear that he was a part of the chruch, but that he had his own individual ideas and thoughts when it came to running the country. Obama only left AFTER a guest speaker had made sarcastic remarks about one of his rivals in the campaign, which we all know is something a speaker has no business doing from the pulpit. I am sure it was a tough decision for Obama and his family, but I believe it was the right one. Hopefully the church will learn from it’s mistakes be able to recover from the firestorm and hopefully Obama will be able to find a new church that will allow him worship his Creator in a slightly less controversial environment.

Please visit my Mom’s Blog for an update on her condition as well as some prayer requests.

DeborahAmes.org

I have so much I want to blog about right now but I have to pick the topics carefully. There is a lot going on and each topic is pretty serious. I regret that I am unable to speak freely about one particular trial that is front and center in my life right now. The complexness and the depth of this trial has astounded and perplexed my closest and “most spiritual” friends.

The biggest reason I am unable to speak freely about this is due to the fact that this trial involves other people whom you the reader may be acquainted with. As a result, sharing the details at this point in time would be inappropriate. However, in the next few weeks, there may come a point where I will need to make a statement regarding what is going on. And when I do, I want you to be prepared. What I have to tell you is very serious and very disturbing on so many levels. It will shock you. It will anger you. It will scare you. It will definitely change you.

So start praying. In fact, for the next 3 weeks, you need to be praying hard. Specifically, you can pray that the trial would no longer be magnified by the actions of others. I honestly wish I could be more specific, but God knows all the details and when you pray that prayer these next few weeks, rest assured that the Holy Spirit will translate eveything perfectly. When it is appropriate I will be more specific in the request, so check back often for updates.