The End Of The Firestorm

Posted on February 24th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

If you’ve been following my blog or my Twitter account over the past few years then from time to time I’ve made a mention or two about a firestorm or firestorms that I had been dealing with for quite some time. In fact, it began in late October of 2007 when a major conflict occurred between me and someone else that attended the church I called home for over 16 years. This conflict between us dragged in countless innocent people and as a result the Elders got involved early in the process. Unfortunately, some bad decisions were made early on that led to catastrophic and life changing consequences in my life. Instead of the situation being handled Biblicaly, a false accusation was made and legal action was taken against me.

While I was dealing with this situation my Mom’s cancer had returned and at the height and most severe intensity of the firestorm, she went home to be with Jesus. Loosing my Mom caused me to give up the legal fight and compromise my integrity in the situation. I began questioning and doubting everything in my life: my calling, my faith and even the value of my life. I had no interest in personal repentance or reconciling with those that had hurt me, instead I was content to say terrible things about them and overlook any responsibility I had for the situation arising in the first place. But the Lord had placed some amazing followers of Christ in my life that were not going to stand by and watch me destroy my life and walk away from the Lord and from my faith. They gently rebuked me and brought me to the point that I began looking for a new church and a way to be restored to the Lord.

Having visited Cornerstone in Simi Valley several times while I was at TMC, I knew that it was a theologically solid church that placed a high value on knowing and doing what the Word of God commanded. When I had explained the situation to one of the Elders there, I expressed fear about whether or not Cornerstone would accept me due to what my former church thought about me, what the accuser said about me and especially the outcome of the legal case. He shared that what Cornerstone cared about was who I was in Christ and what the Lord thought of me. He recommended a Elder-Qualified guy at Cornerstone Disciple me and walk along side me through the process of grieving for my Mom and transitioning from my former church to Cornerstone.

As this guy walked with me, I began to realize that if I wanted to follow Christ that I had to take some radical steps toward reconciliation and peace with those that I had hurt and those that had hurt me. Around this time I began attending the Community Group he was leading and was welcomed with open arms and open hearts. I had the opportunity, after a few months of attending in near silence, to share with the group the grief that I was experiencing over loosing my Mom and the response was amazing. I once again had people in my life that called me to see how I was doing, that prayed for me when the Lord prompted them and shared their own experiences in order to preach the Gospel to me. They loved me where I was at, but loved me enough not to leave me there.

The results were immediate and drastic: I began to feel the Lord stripping away the grief and anger and replacing it with a heart of peace and a desire for reconciliation. About 6 months ago I approached the Elders at my former church and shared with them that I wanted to go a new direction with them and wanted to seek full and complete reconciliation with those that I had hurt and those that had hurt me. Their response was one that was supportive and joyful that the Gospel was healing me and showing me that the Love of Christ was rich and free and full of power to reconcile. I began meeting relentlessly and humbly with those on the sidelines that I had wronged during the process. Again, I was welcomed with open arms and open hearts and experienced the forgiveness of Christ, as well as the forgiveness of my fellow brother’s and sisters. I now had allies and fellow believers that were there to support me as I continued the process of seeking out those whom I had hurt, including the person that was involved in the original conflict. Over the past 4 months I have been a part of some amazing meetings where the Lord was working before and after the meetings for His glory to shine through. They have been difficult and they have been filled with all kinds of emotions, but the Lord has been gracious in allowing those meeting to be productive and to glorify Him. So much so that two weeks ago He has also allowed for the truth to finally come out and prove once and for all that the accusation was indeed false.

And so after 852 days… IT IS FINISHED!!!!

On Monday night I received word that my letter to be removed from membership at my old church had been accepted. Although they consider it to be “under discipline” I am confident that I did everything I could to make things right with those I offended where possible and with those that offended me where possible. The Lord has ended this Firestorm and I am grateful that I can now close this painful chapter in my life, that my family and friends can do the same and and that they can attend my former church without a cloud hanging over their heads. My Family and Friends family stood by me unwaveringly during my darkest hours… The Lord was certainly glorified in their example of faith. I also look forward to how the Lord will lead me to be involved at my new church home, Cornerstone. The Elders there have been amazing and without their willingness to stand up for the Scriptures, for the Truth or to oversee my Spiritual Well-Being while I was on the brink, I wouldn’t be writing this to you all.

On a lighter note, some time ago one of the Elders at my former church gave me a bottle of sparkling cider on my Birthday. He is a God-fearing man and a devoted follower of Christ. I plan on opening that bottle sometime soon with my family and celebrating the Lord bringing us through all of this. We are weary, but we have not grown faint…

I’m also going to be reading Psalm 71 in a new light… You should too brothers and sisters…

P.S. To leave comments from the home page click on the Title of this post.

Tags: blogging, Church, Cornerstone Church Simi Valley, Deborah Ames, deborahames.org, Firestorm, God, I Can Do All Things..., Jesus, The Master's College, Twitter, WordPress

The Disgusting Truth About Comfort

Posted on January 25th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

A lot of things have happened these past few weeks that rattled my cage. Most of them shouldn’t have.

1. My cage was rattled over the Conan verse Leno Late Night Wars. I love Conan and always have. Ever since I watched Johnny Carson as a kid I always wondered what it would be like to one-day work on a show like that. I love comedy and I when I found out Conan was going to host The Tonight Show I was excited and gave myself something to work for. To one day write or be a part of the Tonight Show was not a far fetched dream but something I could actually see myself doing. Needless to say it was tough to see Conan be abused by NBC brass but it was inspirational to watch how he went out… by having a lot fun on Television.
2. Since mid-October there has been a hole in my ceiling that resulted from a leaking roof. The roof was eventually fixed however after repeated contact with our management company the ceiling was ignored until early last week when the torrential rains finally proved to be to much for the flimsy patches to hold and the ceiling caved in and damaged irreplaceable pictures. I ended up getting into several shouting matches with people that could care less that water had caused damage to my property due to their negligence. To add insult to injury we were served with an eviction notice because we refused to pay the rent until they decided to do something about the poor maintenance.
3. In addition to the poor maintenance form management Southern California Edison has seen fit to turn our power off three different times over the past 2 weeks. They claim each time it’s for maintenance but then today the power went off with no notice and it wasn’t until after we called that we discovered that there was scheduled maintenance but that the problem was the maintenance caused “severe damage to critical systems which have led to an extended outage.” The power has been out since 9AM this morning and won’t be back on until approximately 6AM tomorrow. Right now I’m hiding out at a Starbucks trying to see if I can get stuff done for the move this weekend.
4. Moving is a pain in the a$$. Packing and going through and getting rid of crap that you’ve had for over 25 years can be both liberating and excruciating. There is freedom that comes from divesting yourself of the things that encumber you, but stuff is funny. We think we need it, but we really don’t. And the truth is the more stuff you have the more problems that stuff brings you. At the same time, the memories that are brought back by a third grade project, or a Christmas card from a particularly tough year can be comforting and encouraging. Then of course moving involves location, location, location. Not to mention cost, cost, cost.
5. Some major changes and events have been transpiring at my former church that directly relate to the ongoing reconciliation process. Needless to say, some key players are abandoning ship and it’s put me in a position where I’m left wondering how far to pursue reconciliation with them. At what point should I abandon the idea that there will be a happy ending to this?

–

So there you have it… my complaints and hassles this week. But in reality they pale in comparison to the suffering and misery of the people in Haiti. No food, no water, no electricity, no order, no help, no hope. People’s dead loved ones are piled in the street, violence has been slowly creeping in and churches there have been decimated by structural damage, whole congregations dying and spiritual turmoil due to unimaginable trials. Yet I’m ticked off over and entertainment show, a small pathetic hole in my ceiling, temporary lack of electricity, clinging to stuff that I don’t need and problems with a couple of people who have no control over my spiritual well being.

Pretty selfish and stupid. Sure I texted “Haiti” to 90999, I gave to my church and I donated at Starbucks. But oh how comfortable that was. To sit thousands of miles away from the horror of what is taking place there and to send money to a country that is in ruin. It’s the equivalent of putting a band-aid on a severed limb, I’ve done no good. And yet I am SO ungrateful for the amazing gifts and blessings that I have here and for what? Just a little comfort… I am disgusted.

P.S. To leave comments click on the Title at the top of this post.

Tags: 90999, blogging, Charity, Children's Hunger Fund, Church, Conan O'Brien, Conan Verses Leno, Conan Verses NBC, Cornerstone Church Simi Valley, Donations, Firestorm, Francis Chan, Garage, Greatfulness, Haiti, Haiti Earthquake, Jeff Zucker, journey of faith church, Junk, Leno verses Conan, Moving, National Disaster, NBC, NBC Verses Conan, Red Cross, Southern California Edison, Starbucks, Text 90999, Yard Sale

Pray For Peggy Sturgis…

Posted on January 18th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

One of the gals that is part of my New Church Family is close friends with an amazing lady named Peggy Sturgis. She in the end stages of Ovarian Cancer, has a wonderful husband an 4 amazing children. Of course this really hits close to home for me and I have been praying for her and her family as often as possible.

I know what her family is going through and I know what they have ahead of them. None of it will be easy and none of it will make sense at the time. Right now Peggy is fighting the good fight and is having weekly gatherings at her home in order to worship with her friends and loved ones for as long as she’s able. I know she’s not wasting her life or the opportunity that God has given her to glorify Him until her last breath.

Please be praying for her and her family and if you want, you can visit her website and leave a message of encouragement for her: http://peggysturgis.com

If the Lord allows, I’m hoping to meet her and her family sometime soon and share my Mom’s story with them.

Tags: Ovarian Cancer, Peggy Sturgis

My Official Position On Conan O’Brien Verses Jay Leno AKA: NBC Sucks…

Posted on January 13th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

I don’t have any fancy well-thought-out arguments. I don’t have pages of demographics statistics dating all the way back to the 1950’s. I don’t have a personal relationship with either person involved in this dispute. I simply have my opinions and I am about to share them willingly with anyone who’s willing to read this.

Here we go…

I use to watch The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was at the helm. I actually use to stay up late sometimes with my parents and watch part of the show with them. There was always a neverending flow of dazzling young talent and sketches that would leave me and my family in tears from the laughter. In fact I still imitate and mock Carnac The Magnificent every once in a while when I’m opening an envelope.

Then along came this guy named Jay Leno… and he was different. He never pulled off the stunts or skits that Johnny could and his sense of humor was not something that appealed to me. Every once in a while I’d tune in because a particular guest was on but I was never a regular viewer.

As I got older and discovered the magic of staying up late I sometimes would catch a glimpse of this crazy red-headed guy running amuck on a poorly lit stage. It was my friend Kenny that finally solidified things for me by recommending that I spend some time getting to know Conan and the show. From the first full episode I was hooked. He had the same zany, crazy sense of humor as Carson and was willing to do the physical comedy to bring solid entertainment to the masses.

When I heard that Jay Leno would be leaving The Tonight Show and that Conan would be taking over I was thrilled! Now I didn’t have to stay up so late to catch Conan… he’d be on right after our nightly dose of gloom and doom from NBC4 News. I actually got to watch the first show of The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien on Hulu minutes after it was posted and needless to say I was blown away by the amazing high-tech, art-deco set that they had put together for the new era of The Tonight Show. Since he’s taken over the show I have only missed a few episodes but I have loved and enjoyed the energy and humor he brought back to the show.

At the same time, a good friend of mine had been working on a very successful TV show that was on NBC called “Life.” As a result of Jay Leno’s decision not to go off Television but instead to take over prime time, my friend lost one of the best TV jobs that he had ever had. This did not endear me to Jay Leno at all. In a time when the economy wasn’t that great, Jay Leno’s ego and desire to build some sort of lasting legacy (he can’t be doing this for the money) put people out of work and forever changed the landscape of Primetime TV. Of course we now know that this was a huge failure for NBC and that all the money they were trying to save was lost 2-3 times over because of their decision to let an ego maniac run their TV lineup. The final nail in Leno’s coffin is the fact that instead of bowing out gracefully from TV and calling it a day, he’s trying to get his old slot back and in the process is doing the very thing he promised he didn’t want to do. He promised that he didn’t want to have another “Letterman Like” incident where the obvious incumbent was shoved aside and was then lost to a competing network that would go on to kick NBC’s butt. And he also stated openly that if his Primetime venture didn’t work out that he would walk away from it and forget it.

At least that’s how I saw it…

But then it struck me that who’s really to blame is NBC… They agreed to put Primetime shows out of work, they agreed to the experiment to begin with and from what I understand they are the dominating force behind keeping Leno at NBC. Their problem is they don’t want Jay to go to a competing network and kick their butts like they know he would.

So there you have it….

Me personally, I like Conan and I think he should be the one to stay at 11:30. I think Jay needs to abandoned his failed experiment and if he wants to go to another network, fine. And I think that NBC sucks… good thing I haven’t sent any resumes there…

Tags: Carnac The Magnificent, Conan O'Brien, Conan Verses Leno, Conan Verses NBC, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Johnny Carson, Leno verses Conan, NBC, NBC Life, NBC Verses Conan, Primetime, The Tonight Show

Midwife Crisis

Posted on January 12th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

On of the most interesting chapters I’ve ever read in the Pentateuch is Exodus Chapter 1. Exodus 1 is very much a transition chapter leading from the resolution of Joseph’s story up to the beginning of Moses’ story. Along the way a new Pharaoh comes along that forgets about how Joesph, a Hebrew, saved his ancestors from the famine. Out of greed and, dare I say, God’s permission, this new Pharaoh enslaves the Hebrews and hatches a plan to control their population. A plan that puts the Hebrew Midwives into a crisis.

“Then the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, one of whom was named Shiphrah and the other Puah, ‘When you serve as midwife to the Hebrew women and see them on the birthstool, if it is a son, you shall kill him, but if it is a daughter, she shall live.’” Exodus 1:15-16 ESV

A death sentence for all male Hebrew children and the Midwives are commanded to be the executioners of their own people. Imagine for a moment if you had to carry out these orders? Shiphrah and Puah are cornered by evil and it seems as if there is no way out. How much fear would that instill into you?

“But the midwives feared God and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but let the male children live” Exodus 1:17 ESV

I LOVE that verse! Shiphrah and Puah have fear all right… it’s the fear of the Lord. They may have feared a madman mass murderer, they may have feared certain death but they’re fear of the Lord was far greater than anything that a puny human was going to throw at them. They chose life for others at risk of their own life. But that’s not the end of the story…

“So the king of Egypt called the midwives and said to them, ‘Why have you done this, and let the male children live?’ The midwives said to Pharaoh, ‘Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are vigorous and give birth before the midwife comes to them.’” Exodus 1:18-19 ESV

What the what!?

Did they just lie to trick the Pharaoh? I thought they feared the Lord? Even thought the Ten Commandments haven’t been written yet lying was certainly not something that God blessed was it? Jacob was a trickster and look at all the trouble it caused him (cf: Genesis 25-36)! Was God pleased with what they had told the Pharaoh?

“So God dealt well with the midwives. And the people multiplied and grew very strong. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families.” Exodus 1:20-21 ESV

So let’s get this straight… The Pharaoh orders the Midwives to kill all the male Hebrew children as they are born, but because they fear the Lord they don’t do what the Pharaoh tells them to do. Then, when they are held accountable, they aren’t truthful and the Lord blesses them for it.

But I think we need to dig a little deeper…

The key here (as it is so many places in scripture, especially in the Old Testament) is to remember how powerful God is. If He created the universe could He not speed up the birthing process? The Pharaoh’s words indicated that they would “see them on the birthstool.” If the Hebrew woman’s labor is sped up by the Lord and they are off the birth stool and the baby is not in plain sight, haven’t the Midwives done what the Pharaoh has asked? It seems to me that they weren’t necessarily lying to the Pharaoh, the Lord just made it impossible to do the evil the Pharaoh wanted them to do. The Lord Delivered them from evil… Obviously that is a HUGE theme in Exodus, but it’s also a HUGE theme in all of scripture.

A second thing to consider is the consequences of their actions:

“And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families.” Exodus 1:21 ESV

It was their fear of God that yielded the blessing of a family. But it wasn’t just a blessing, it was a second deliverence… They were delivered from being a midwives because they became pregnant themselves and could not serve as midvies anymore. Again, the Lord Delivered them from evil… The Lord provided them an escape from doing what was wrong.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

Now let’s be careful and not misinterpret that verse. Temptation to do evil will come… it is a certainty… but when temptation comes God will provide THE way of escape… It’s to fear Him more than you fear yourself or others. When you are in the midst of a trial it is easy to be tempted to give up on the Lord’s way for a way that seems easier. When you’re at work and the dirty jokes start flying it’s easy to join in. When the latest celeb news and gossip pales in comparison to the gossip your are hearing about someone else it’s easy to keep listening. Maybe it’s fear of rejection, fear of being alone, maybe it’s fear of obscurity or just plain fear of others… whatever that fear is, it should never outweigh the fear, love and trust that you have in the Lord, who WILL deliver you from evil.

So the next time you’re having your own Midwife Crisis, (not if but when) and you are staring evil in the face… do not fear anything but the Lord.

P.S. To leave comments click on the Title at the top of this post.

Tags: 1 Corinthians 10:13, Anne Frank, Crisis, Deliverance, Exodus 1, Hebrew, Midwife, Midwives, Miep Gies, MOses, Pharaoh

God Is Not Your Pimp

Posted on January 6th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

This post is directed at my single or dating friends. If you’re married too bad.

Many years ago in a co-ed Bible study my fellow Christ-followers and I were reading through a particularly wretched “Christian Dating” book of some sort. One of the phrases that really caught on and was used quite often in the book was “Learn to be content in your season of Singleness.” The idea was that while you were single you shouldn’t be worrying about dating or finding the perfect spouse, but instead you should be working on yourself and try to be come the “best husband/wife that you can while you’re on your own.” The end result was suppose to be that when the opposite sex looked at you they would be attracted to your value as a person rather then just your good looks, clothes, money or other “outward appearances that so often deceive our lustful eyes.” This however is not a reality…

The reality is most Christ-followers who are single are praying that God would being them the perfect person that was meant for them. They use phrases like “God wants me to be happy right? So He’ll bring me great husband/wife that is really cute because that’s what I like.” Or my dating freinds who are with someone and have encountered some part of that persons personality that “just doesn’t mesh.” They use phrases like “God wants us to be one flesh someday right? So if the person I’m dating now is right for me we wouldn’t be fighting would we?”

Seriously?

God is not some cosmic pimp in the sky that is obligated to hook you up with guy/gal of your dreams jsut because you wear a purity ring and have made some promise or covenant with Him. “Lord, if you bring me the cutest guy I promise I won’t have sex with him before we get married. If You do then I will be the perfect housewife forever if you do.” Or “Lord, if you bring me the hottest chick at my church I promise I’ll do my best to keep my hands off her and myself before we’re married. If You do then I’ll be a missionary forever if you do.” Don’t pray to God as if He’s just suppose to go through His Saved-a-dex and pick out the most sanctified, beautified and rich person in the world for you to marry.

The truth is you should count your blessings if the Lord chooses to allow someone half as jacked up as you for your spouse. Getting married doesn’t mean you’ve arrived at the perfect relationship… It means you’ve just begun. You’re going to spend a lifetime together figuring out how to honor each other, talk to each other and love each other in a way that best glorifies the Lord. So what if things are a little rough in the dating relationship? Don’t drop that person over one stupid fight about something insignificant like Coke verses Pepsi, Verizon verses AT&T or Mac verses PC (although that last one is particularly hard for me). If there is a serious sin committed by that other person against you then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate but do your best to work things out before you just call it quits. It’ll be a good indication of how you’ll respond when you’re married and have no business looking for an escape route.

My final thought is this, whatever situation you’re in, don’t waste that time longing for the next stage. If you’re single, don’t spend all your time whining and crying to God about your singleness and presenting your demands to Him for a date. Instead spend that time serving the Lord in ways you never can when you’re dating. If you’re dating someone, don’t get all hot and bothered just because you’re not married. It’s perfectly okay to spend free time by yourself even though you’re dating someone. Use that time to practice the art of leading yourself by continually seeking the Lord in precious one-on-one time with Him.

And to those of you saying, “Hey are there verses for that?” I say of course:

“32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Undivided devotion to the Lord… that’s a tough prospect when you’re not only seeing to your own spiritual needs, but to the spiritual needs of someone else as well.

P.S. To those of you who think you may have the “gift” of singleness. If the Lord has called you to be single you’re entire life you have no excuse for not changing the world in amazing ways. You will have financial, geographical and physical freedom beyond belief. God will have entrusted you with an entire life that should yield undivided devotion to Him. If you can’t live up to that, maybe you should reconsider that calling.

Tags: 1 Corinthinas 7:32-35, AT&T, AT&T verses Verizon, Christian Dating, Coke, Coke verses Pepsi, Mac, Mac Verses PC, PC, Pepsi, Season of Singleness, Verizon

What Direction To Go In 2010…

Posted on January 4th, 2010 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for  my Aunt. We have all been very encouraged by the love and support that you have shown.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted a personal update but life has been busy and unpredictable. Hard to tell you all what’s going on when I don’t know what’s going on . You’ll also see that I did a little redesign on the look of the site. Everything is still here but I’m going to be expanding and adding stuff this year and I wanted to make some room. I liked the old theme cause it had 3 Columns but I’m also a big fan on cutting down on information overload so this new theme should work just fine.

Since I tend to be able to think better when I make lists here are few things I’d like to share with y’all:

1. I Will Be Moving At The Beginning Of February – For the past 12 months I have had the privilege of living in the Santa Clarita Valley. It’s had it’s ups and downs but it has been a great opportunity for me to be on my own and learn some important life lessons. I’ve had some great roommates and some great visitors but unfortunately our lease is up at the end of January and the rent is definitely going to be out of our price range. At this point neither of us know where we’re going to end up but suffice it to say we won’t end up on the street. There is a good possibility that I may end up back in my home town but my desire is to find a place in Burbank close to my church family.
2. I’m Finally Beginning To Settle On A Career Path - While the details are still blurry the broad strokes is that I’d like to end up in the world of Production or Post-Production. I know those don’t necessarily go hand in hand but at least it’s been narrowed down. Last year I had the privilege of helping out on some amazing short films and couple of Reality TV Shows. I’ve also had the privilege of editing some great projects last year as well and had an amazing time doing both. Despite the fact that the path I thought I was on 3 years ago has radically changed, being a part of the entertainment industry has always been a part of my path. The Lord has dropped so many opportunities in my lap but unfortunately I took them for granted. 2009 was a tough year stability wise with jobs and income being the biggest issues I wrestled with (compare that to 2008 when I lost everything in my life that meant something to me and it doesn’t seem that bad). I hope that this year the side projects and opportunities will be plentiful and will build a strong body of work to have as a resume for good jobs in the future. But I also know that with the way things are in the economy I’m going to have to work harder then I ever have to find the good ones.
3. God Has Slowly And Faithfully Been Healing Me - 2008 was the worst year of my life. I lost my Mom, my church family, my liberty and hope for a future. Trust me, that is no exaggeration. Sometime in the next 6 months all the details of what transpired in 2008 will come out, but for now please know that I see now that God was in control of it all. As a result, I spent most of 2009 coming to grips with my life being turned upside down and trying to cope with hurt, depression and pain that the Lord allowed. So many of you walked with me and my family through those trials and were faithful and point me to the Lord not matter what the circumstance. I apologize if I didn’t seem receptive, but just know that the Lord spoke through you no matter what my initial response to you might have been. For those of you who are strangers I hope that sharing my story will be an encouragement to you when (NOT IF) you walk through trials in your own life. The Lord allowed some unimaginable things, but He also allowed them for unimaginable reasons that are still being revealed to me daily. When I think back to where I was a year ago I marvel and the Lord’s goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness, which was a key concept for me last year. I’ve had to learn some hard lessons the hard way, but the Lord has been there every step of the way.
4. God Has Given Me An Incredible New Church Family - When I began looking for a new church a little over a year ago I never thought that I’d find the love and support that I have found in Cornerstone Burbank. When I first started attending there I was a bump on the wall. I came, I didn’t talk, I left and had no meaningful relationships with anyone. At first it was very hard to get over the hurts that I experienced at my previous church, but slowly I saw that God was working in and through the folks in Burbank and I began to see first hand that those folks were the real deal. They submitted to Jesus. served others and loved them both. Through an amazing set of circumstances I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to be vulnerable and share with group about all the doubts and pain I had been experiencing since my Mom had passed away. The group overwhelmed me with love, prayer and sweet fellowship based on our common love for Jesus. It was something that had been missing from my life for over a year and the Lord has used to strengthen and encourage my heart. Since that night I have a church family that trusts me and that I trust as well. This year I hope that the Lord will continue to open up doors in the group where I can serve and be served, love and be loved.
5. God Has Been Drawing Me Closer To My Family - When my Mom passed away in June of 2008 I felt as if our family would never be whole again. That we would be forever scared and would never be a “family” again without her. Last October my Dad married an amazing woman named Cindy. In the months before and after the wedding my Sister and I have gotten to know her and I can honestly say that I consider her to be part of our family. She’s not a replacement for my Mom (as that is impossible) but she’s and addition to our family that has helped heal the wounds of loosing someone you love. She has experienced loss in her life and has been very sensitive and respectful of what my Sister and I have have been going through. She understands the ups and downs of grief which is a blessing from the Lord. This has also served to better my relationship with my Dad. We haven’t always seen eye-to-eye on everything (don’t get us started on politics!) but over the past year my Dad and I have been working though our issues in our hearts as well as our issues with each other. We are communicating better and most of all we enjoy spending time together. My Sister and I are also drawing closer together. We have a little joke between us that we’re always emotional opposites. When I’m having a hard time with something, she has peace about it. When my Sister is struggling to understand, I’m there to try and explain it to her. Considering the fact that these are major life issues we’ve been wrestling with I am so grateful that we can count on each other and that God has made us unique enough to support each other during the tough times. I can honestly say I look forward to our family get-togethers on the weekends and holidays.

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Finally, over the next few months I’d like to start posting again on a regular basis. The biggest reason that I have haven’t been sharing here has been the things on my heart and mind involve matters that are private and involve other people. The Lord has seen fit to begin to heal those situations and is opening the door for a miraculous and amazing story about just how awesome God is and how powerful the Gospel is. My hope and prayer is that the things I share here will be an encouragement and blessing to those that read it and that unlike some of my posts last year, they will be uplifting to others and glorify the Lord.

Tags: 2008, 2009, 2010, Burbank, Cornerstone Church Simi Valley, Deborah Ames, Economy, Santa Clarita Valley, Update On My Aunt, WordPress 3 Column

Time To Catch Up…

Posted on October 30th, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Well it has been several months since I’ve had a real blog and a lot has happened since then. Here are some of the things that have been happening:

1. My Aunt Has Been In And Out Of The Hospital.

My Mom (left) My Aunt (right) and My Great Grandma (bottom) in September of 2007

Over the past few years my Aunt’s health has seriously deteriorated culminating in the fact that she has spent more time in the hospital or rehab then she has spent at home. This has been especially hard on my Grandma who has been her sole caretaker during this time. They are both worn out and fatigued from all of these various trials but fortunately they have an amazing church family that has been supporting them and being a great example of what it means “be” the church rather than just “attend” church. Right now she is back in the hospital for many reasons but the bottom line is, if she is not able to recover and loose some additional weight and finally get a kidney transplant then she will not be with us here on earth much longer. My Aunt loves the Lord and is trusting Him, as is my Grandma, but she has been through so much pain and suffering that it would be a huge blessing if she were to be able to get a transplant but at the same time it is hard to see her suffer.

2. I Took A Short Sabbatical From Life

For a two and a half week period I packed up my stuff, took time off from my job and spent lots of time with my family. During this time I had the opportunity to connect and reconnect with close friends and family and was able to spend some time also reconnecting with the Lord. The former led to the latter because the people in my life that know me the best have always point me to the Lord no matter what the circumstances. Shortly before I took this sabbatical I was feeling depressed and overwhelmed by everything that the Lord had allowed to happen over the past two years. Not to mention the current pressures I was facing on all fronts I knew that I needed time to figure out what my life needed to look like in order to survive. In the end, like Dorothy, I had the ability to “go home” the whole time, but I needed to make the expedition down the yellow brick road before I could fully appreciate what being home meant. In other words I realized that my walk with the Lord had been crappy for quite some time and needed some drastic improvement. My friends and family directed me along the way and the Lord reminded me of His grace and forgiveness. I spent time in front of many fire pits just as Peter did in John 21.

3. I Edited A TV Show

One of my good friends is a TV Producer with lots of experience in Reality Programming. For some time now I have been able to help out in one way or another with various projects that he has had going over the years. I’ve assisted editors on many of these projects but never had the opportunity to actually BE the editor. Finally a project came along and I jumped at the opportunity to actually BE the editor this time. It was a lot of work, a lot of hours and a lot of Coffee Bean but it was worth it and I was just able to recently deliver the final elements of our pilot episode. We’ve already gotten word from our distributor that there is a lot of interest and will probably end up doing 5 more episodes. This show has also opened the door for other shows and in two days I am actually flying back east to help shoot a pilot for another show. Here is the link to a promo of the project on our distributor’s website.

4. My Sister And I Sang At My Dad’s Wedding

Not too long ago my Dad met someone on eharmony.com. They started dating and after several months he proposed to her and she accepted. For my Sister and I this was something that was totally different and somewhat unexpected at first. But the more we talked with our Dad and the more we got to know Cindy the more we knew that they loved each other and would do their best to take care of each other. When it came time to start making plans I knew that I wanted to be involved but I had no clue that I would end up be blessed enough to sing with my sister during the candle lighting and to also be the best man at my Dad’s wedding. Cindy has three kids of her own that are all married and two of them have kids. This means that I have gained a whole new step family and have also gained someone that isn’t going to replace my Mom, but is going to add to the love that I already receive from so many people in my life. I am so happy for them both and I love getting to spend time with them and my new family.

5. I Auditioned For And Was Accepted Into The Santa Clarita Master Chorale

Ever since my Mom was ushered into the loving arms of Jesus it has been hard for me to be active musically. Singing or playing an instrument publicly was just something I couldn’t bring myself to do after I sang and played at my Mom’s memorial service. There were many reasons for this but chief among them was that my Mom was so proud and blessed by the abilities that the Lord had given me that using those gifts with her not around just seemed like a waste of time. But over the past few months I have had a chance to heal and to realize that I miss music terribly. And so I began to ask the Lord to show some opportunities to me that would glorify Him and bless others. Along came the Santa Clarita Master Chorale. Because they are close to the community that I am part of I knew it would be easy and convenient to participate with them but I also knew that they were a VERY talented singing group and would be difficult to get into. After waiting several months for the audition period to begin I picked an audition song, practiced for hours and low and behold I got in! I can honestly say this is an amazing and diverse group and I look forward to singing with them for a long time to come.

There have been many other things going on as well but for now those are the things that I wanted to share with all of you. I hope to begin blogging more now that life isn’t so hectic or painful as it was this past year or so. I also hope to share some additional things that the Lord has been doing but now is not the right time. When it is you will be amazed by how awesome He is… I know I am amazed everyday by who He is and how much I love Him.

Tags: Apostle Peter, Bob Dillon, Coffe Bean And Tea Leaf, Eharmony, Firepit, Foothills Baptist Church, Hospital, John 21, Kidney Transplant, Las Vegas, Mantrackers, Marker Entertainment, New Jersey, New York, Reality TV, Sabbatical, Santa Clarita Master Chorale, Special Weapons And Tactics, Street Heat Productions, To Make You Feel My Love, Video Editing

Prayer Request For My Aunt

Posted on August 24th, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Dear Friends-

In the past all of you were very faithful in praying for my Mom and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me and my family to know that you were praying during some of those tough time as well as the time that God was answering your prayers.

Today I come to you and ask that you pray for my Mom’s Sister my Aunt Becky. Over the past 3 years she has been through sever health problems and has endured many surgeries, doctor screw-ups and some long stretches in the hospital. At this point she has spent more time in the Hospital than at home.

Right now she is back in the Hospital for a blockage problem in her heart. On top of that her potassium levels are high so at this point they are not able to do the surgery that will fix the blockage. Today and tomorrow they will be doing everything they can to lower her potassium so that she can have the surgery.

Here is how you can pray:

1. Pray that God would heal my Aunt.
2. Pray that God would comfort our family as we continue to face trials of many kinds.
3. Pray that God would reduce her potassium levels.
4. Pray that God would clear the blockage weather that be through His own hand or the Doctors.
5. Pray that God would not allow the Doctors to screw things up.

I will do my best to keep you updated with how things go tomorrow.

This Pretty Much Describes How I Feel Right Now…

Posted on August 10th, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Right now there is a ton of crap that has hit the fan in my life. Some of it is my fault and some of it is not. I could say that the other part was God’s fault but I don’t feel like hearing people’s self-righteous comments. What I will say is this…

This whole “God allowing trials, temptation and tribulation in my life” stuff is not something God has equipped me to handle. I had my share of struggles and hard patches in my walk with Christ before, but the past 2-3 years have been overwhelmingly discouraging. The joy of my salvation and the joy of His provision of grace here on earth seems to be vastly overshadowed by the unrelenting storms He has allowed to come my way. It seems as if there have been no gaps in a continuing stream of God ordained and sanctioned torrents. Again, not all of it has been His doing, but the most potent and darkest ones have been things that were 100% out of my control (Neo-Calvinists need not comment either).

I’m physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually tired and worn down. As it says below “The waters have come up to my neck” and are rising fast. And if you’ve never been that way, or can’t remember the last time you’ve been that way then ya better check your pulse. I don’t care how many Bible verses you know and how perfect you think you are, we all face times of fatigue from the strains and the trials of this life on this earth.

Anyways, I’ll shut up and let this Psalm do the talking…

Psalms 69:1-36 ESV

“Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore? O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you. Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, O Lord GOD of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel. For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach, that dishonor has covered my face. I have become a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my mother’s sons. For zeal for your house has consumed me, and the reproaches of those who reproach you have fallen on me. When I wept and humbled my soul with fasting, it became my reproach. When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword to them. I am the talk of those who sit in the gate, and the drunkards make songs about me. But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. Hide not your face from your servant; for I am in distress; make haste to answer me. Draw near to my soul, redeem me; ransom me because of my enemies! You know my reproach, and my shame and my dishonor; my foes are all known to you. Reproaches have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I looked for pity, but there was none, and for comforters, but I found none. They gave me poison for food, and for my thirst they gave me sour wine to drink. Let their own table before them become a snare; and when they are at peace, let it become a trap. Let their eyes be darkened, so that they cannot see, and make their loins tremble continually. Pour out your indignation upon them, and let your burning anger overtake them. May their camp be a desolation; let no one dwell in their tents. For they persecute him whom you have struck down, and they recount the pain of those you have wounded. Add to them punishment upon punishment; may they have no acquittal from you. Let them be blotted out of the book of the living; let them not be enrolled among the righteous. But I am afflicted and in pain; let your salvation, O God, set me on high! I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. This will please the LORD more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs. When the humble see it they will be glad; you who seek God, let your hearts revive. For the LORD hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners. Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in them. For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of his servants shall inherit it, and those who love his name shall dwell in it.”

Tags: King David, Psalm 69, Temptation, Trials, Tribulation

“Lord Of The Past”

Posted on August 1st, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Here is an excerpt of a recording I have from 2002. Carolyn Arends sang at the church I was attending back then and Bob Bennett happen to be in the audience that night and sang this song. I haven’t thought about this song in a while, but now I realize that I should have been lately. What he says at the beginning is especially important: “There is a difference between forgiveness and consequences.”

That kind of sucks when you think about it….

But this song doesn’t so enjoy…

“Lord Of The Past” (click here to download)
By: Bob Bennet

Every harsh word spoken
Every promise ever broken to me
Total recall of data in the memory
Every tear that has washed my face
Every moment of disgrace that I have known
Every time I’ve ever felt alone

Lord of the here and now
Lord of the come what may
I want to believe somehow
That you can heal these wounds of yesterday
(You can redeem these things so far away)
So now I’m asking you
To do what you want to do
Be the Lord of the Past
(Be the Lord of my Past)
Oh how I want you to
Be the Lord of the Past

All the chances I let slip by
All the dreams that I let die in vain
Afraid of failure and afraid of pain
Every tear that has washed my face
Every moment of disgrace that I have known
Every time I’ve ever felt alone

Well I picked up all these pieces
And I built a strong deception
And I locked myself inside of it
For my own protection
And I sit alone inside myself
And curse my company
For this thing that has kept me alive for so long
Is now killing me.
And as sure as the sin rose this morning,
The man in the moon hides his face tonight.
And I lay myself down on my bed
And I pray this prayer inside my head

Lord of the here and now
Lord of the come what may
I want to believe somehow
That you can heal these wounds of yesterday
So now I’m asking you
To do what you want to do
Be the Lord of my Past
You can do anything
Be the Lord of the Past
I know that you can find a way
To heal every yesterday of my life
Be the Lord of the Past

Tags: Bob Bennett, Carolyn Arends, Consequences, Forgiveness, Lord Of The Past

Still Remembering The Lord…

Posted on June 25th, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

I’m going to try and cover two topics in this post. First, a brief summary of what the Lord did last Thursday. Second, a brief summary of what the Lord has allowed since then.

Last Thursday June 18th, 2009 fourteen people experienced the goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness of God in a real and tangible way. On a day that should have been filled with sorrow, hopelessness and anger, God did what He does best: He redeemed the irredeemable. As we all gathered around and enjoyed a wonderful and filling meal, we had the opportunity to catch up on what has happened in each others lives this past year. God has done much and over the past year we have all become more fully devoted followers of Christ. This process of course has not been without trial, suffering or discomfort. In fact the majority of it took place as we attempted to fill the gaping whole in our life that my Mom left. Fortunately, it has been the Lord that has filled that gap and provided for our needs in ways we never could have imagined.

After the meal we all gathered in the living room and talked about the many memories we had of the Lord working in my Mom’s life. The more that was shared the more we all saw just how much the Lord used my Mom and even her illness, to teach us all to love Him more. We also talked about the various ways we had all been changed by the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life and the lessons that we learned from her faith in Christ. What stood out most to me was the various words that were used to describe who my Mom was: Forgiving, patient, generous, loyal, selfless, unconditional love, faithful… Going through that list it is easy to see that those are all attributes that my Mom learned from one place… the Lord Jesus Christ. The attributes that we will always remember about her belong also to that of her Savior. She was salt, light, a city on a hill and despite her illness, she reflected the Glory of God with everything that she had in her.

When it was all over, and we had stuffed ourselves with some amazing home-made desserts, I had to take a moment and step back and think about what had just happened. Instead of weeping with no hope, there were tears filled with the promise of a not to distant reunion. Instead of anger at God’s timing there was praise for 52 years that God allowed her to stay. Instead of crawling into a dark room, pulling the covers over our head and pretending that day didn’t exist, we embraced the trustworthiness, faithfulness and goodness of God in the life of His servant, my Mom. It was good to remember 2Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (ESV). I went to bed that night grateful for the amazing things that God had done that day, in light of what had happened a year ago that day: He had redeemed the irredeemable.

Now it is almost a week later and once again my family is faced with another challenge to remember and know that God is trustworthy, faithful and good. A few days ago my Mom’s sister (my Aunt Becky) was rushed to the hospital with severe pain in her stomach. While the doctors couldn’t immediately find the problem, we prayed and asked God to help them find the problem and come up with a solution to relieve her pain. You see shortly after my Mom’s death, my Aunt had a seizure and was hospitalized for over six months. In that time the doctors and nurses made many mistakes that almost cost my Aunt her life, and when all was said and done, they billed her and my Grandmother outrages sums of money for their mistakes. Over the past six months since my Aunt has been home from the hospital she has endured excruciating physical therapy, insurmountable financial challenges and sub-par medical care from people that should go to jail.

All of this, while she has patiently and quietly grieved for my Mom…

So today when we all found out that she was to have emergency surgery that would set her back to where she was six months ago it was hard to remember the Lord’s goodness. When the doctor came out and told us that my Aunt’s surgery had saved her life for now, rather than healed her permanently, it was hard to remember the Lord’s faithfulness. When I saw her there in the hospital bed with wires and tubes coming from everywhere, machines breathing for her, and barely conscious, it was hard to remember the Lord’s trustworthiness. But then something happened; I remember the Lord’s work in my Mom’s life. I remembered that she got her strength not from Muhammad, or Buddha or the Pope or some cosmic force. I remembered that she didn’t get her strength from reading a book, or rubbing some beads or taking some drug. I remembered “I can do all things through Him (Christ Jesus) who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 ESV).

As I remembered that I prayed out loud:

“Father God thank You for this day and thank You for Your blessings. Lord help us to remember that You are good, that You are faithful and that You are trustworthy. God You have given us so much strength over the past few years, Lord we’re asking for just a little bit more. And God I believe that You are a never-ending supply of strength so give us what we need to get through this and Lord don’t let us forget where it comes from… Your Son Jesus Christ. In His good name we pray… Amen.”

Now I am at my Grandmother’s house, after having a large and boisterous meal with her and my Grandfather. Looking at us in that booth tonight you would have never known that we had just come from the Hospital or that my Grandmother and Grandfather had been divorced for longer than three decades. We stayed up until just a few hours ago talking and supporting each other. I feel blessed that they are both in my life and I am so grateful to “The Big General,” as my Grandpa calls Him, for all the time God has given me to spend with them, despite the circumstances under which we have met these past few years. It’s another reminder of God’s goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness during this time of trial.

Your prayers for my Aunt are appreciated and I will do my best to update everyone via my Twitter page which links to my Facebook and to the box in the upper right column of this blog.

Tags: Aunt, deborahames.org, Grandma, Grandpa, Las Vegas Nevada

A Year Of Grief, Faithfulness, Trustworthiness And Goodness

Posted on June 18th, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Today at 6:15pm my family and I will be observing a moment of silent prayer. It will mark the day and time one year ago that my Mom was ushered in the loving arms of Jesus. At times it feels like that day was a long time ago. But for the most part the feelings, thoughts and overwhelming grief of that day have lingered just beneath the surface as I have wandered through the past 365 days.

I have listened to countless sermons, read a few books, received cards, wept through emails and have had some wonderful people speak God’s truth into my life. All of it has helped on one way or another, but the words the thoughts and prayers will simply never be enough. I dare say that no earthly thing will ever be enough to heal my heart and make it whole.

If there is one small lesson, one short thought, one simple message that I have received loud and clear from God it’s this: “Life on this earth is temporary… and that’s the way it should be.” There is no reason for us to long to stay here on this fragile, fallen and failing earth longer than God’s plan for us.

I am reminded of Paul’s words to the Corinthians,

“For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-4 ESV

Try applying that passage to one whom you love and has been diagnosed with a senseless disease that will slowly take her life. Try applying that passage to the hours you spend on the phone with nurses and doctors at 2am only to hear them tell you there’s nothing more you can do. Try applying that as you attempt to say your final goodbyes, only to be interrupted by your loved one crying out in pain and having to be sedated with Morphine. Try applying that as you count the seconds in-between the labored breaths and come to grips with the debilitating reality that the gap is increasing with brutal regularity. Try applying that as you hold their hand for the last time and watch the life slowly slip from their eyes and the strength slip from their grasp and they take their last breath.

My friends, I can say with all honesty that I failed… I failed to remember the faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness of God.

I failed to remember the faithful God that created the universe, clothed the naked refugees, parted the Red Sea and sustained an entire people group despite their disobedience and rebellion. I failed to remember the trustworthy God that Abraham trusted despite being asked to sacrifice his one and only son Isaac, that Zechariah trusted despite God’s silence for 400 years and that Stephen trusted his life too in the midst of a hostile crowd. I failed to remember the good God that changes people’s hearts, empowers forgiveness and provides for all our needs in His perfect timing.

I forgot God, even though God had not forgotten me…

Now, after the toughest year of my life, I feel as if I am starting to remember the Lord. The word Remember is used over 130 times in the Old Testament and the majority of the time God is commanding us to remember what HE has succeeded in doing, not what WE have failed to do. Over this past year I have been challenged to regain an eternal perspective and abandon my selfish and unrealistic notion that I have any reason to be faithful to, to trust or to find true joy in anything on this earth that is temporal. Instead, I am to place my hope, faith, trust and expectation of good on the God who has given His Son Jesus Christ as a ransom for my life.

I have a feeling that this is not something that happens in a year, nor should it take place in a short amount of time. In fact, I can, should and want to spend the rest of my life enjoying God and proclaiming His faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness to others. The best part is that as of the time that I write this, my hope and faith and trust is better placed today than it was a year ago, which shows God’s faithfulness to sustain me, His trustworthiness to lead me where I can’t see and His goodness to provide me with everything I need to get through this day with my mind stayed on the Gospel.

Pray for not only for my family and me today, but pray for yourself. Pray that you will not forget God in your time of need and that you will remember his faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness, especially in those moments when all of them seem to be so far away.

Tags: Deborah Ames, deborahames.org, God's Faithfulness, God's Goodness, God's Trustworthiness, June 18th 2008, June 18th 2009

I Am A Bus Driver…

Posted on January 27th, 2009 by Cliff Ames Jr.

Bus Driver
By: Caedmon’s Call

I am a bus driver
and it’s four in the morning
And I’m pressing out my clothes beside my bed
Fourteen years been on the job and with many miles behind
Still I’m up at three thirty to make sure I’m there on time

My car gets me along just fine to and from the station
But my castle is this Houston Metro Bus
My first stop is Ashbury.
And the sign’s been gone for years
but all the same the people wait cause they know that I’ll be there.

What would you say if I told you that I won’t be by today?
Would you say that I’m just a bus driver
and what do I know,
just a bus driver
and what do I know,
just a bus driver
and what do I know?

Well, I’m always there by five fifteen
and lately I’ve been early
’cause Judith likes to be in early to the bank.
And she gives me conversation and a token good for riding.
And she’s happy all alone

And then there’s Charles in retail sales;
and I hope they pay him well
for the work that young man does
Cause I’ve never seen the inside
of a custom refrigerator
but I know he’s the first and last one there

I wonder what they do all day,
and their respective works.
Suppose they give money and take money away.
Still, I’m just orbiting this town
with the post office my sun.
And I’m circling again.

And I wonder how this world would be
if I was never here to drive this bus around from Ashbury to Main.
Suppose this town would be the same
but with one bus’ less exhaust.
But that bank and retail stores,
they just wouldn’t be the same.

But what can I see from the limited confines of my bus driving seat
Only me

6 Months Of Emptiness

Posted on December 18th, 2008 by Cliff Ames Jr.

6 months ago today my Mom was ushered into the loving arms of her Savior. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her, remember her, or feel the emptiness in my life. For the past 6 months I have been trying to learn how to live each day without her. Without her encouragement. Without her wisdom. Without her smile. Without her hugs. Without her incredible gift from God to encourage those in pain.

Let’s face it, when you loose someone you love, your life is never the same. Your life becomes a sudden battle for grief verses normalcy. Grief knocks you to your knees while normalcy helps you get up. Those things that are constant in your life, and never change are what make grief grow weaker and weaker each day.

Which is why it’s essential for us to always have Jesus as the constant in our life. Jesus as a “Man Of Sorrows” knows grief and it’s power well. In fact, He knows grief better than anyone. And yet He does not despair, He does not give up and He does not pretend that grief is not real. If Jesus is the constant in your life, no trial, no firestorm, no evil deed and no loss of a loved one will ever overpower you.

Tags: deborahames.org