This post is directed at my single or dating friends. If you’re married too bad.
Many years ago in a co-ed Bible study my fellow Christ-followers and I were reading through a particularly wretched “Christian Dating” book of some sort. One of the phrases that really caught on and was used quite often in the book was “Learn to be content in your season of Singleness.” The idea was that while you were single you shouldn’t be worrying about dating or finding the perfect spouse, but instead you should be working on yourself and try to be come the “best husband/wife that you can while you’re on your own.” The end result was suppose to be that when the opposite sex looked at you they would be attracted to your value as a person rather then just your good looks, clothes, money or other “outward appearances that so often deceive our lustful eyes.” This however is not a reality…
The reality is most Christ-followers who are single are praying that God would being them the perfect person that was meant for them. They use phrases like “God wants me to be happy right? So He’ll bring me great husband/wife that is really cute because that’s what I like.” Or my dating freinds who are with someone and have encountered some part of that persons personality that “just doesn’t mesh.” They use phrases like “God wants us to be one flesh someday right? So if the person I’m dating now is right for me we wouldn’t be fighting would we?”
Seriously?
God is not some cosmic pimp in the sky that is obligated to hook you up with guy/gal of your dreams jsut because you wear a purity ring and have made some promise or covenant with Him. “Lord, if you bring me the cutest guy I promise I won’t have sex with him before we get married. If You do then I will be the perfect housewife forever if you do.” Or “Lord, if you bring me the hottest chick at my church I promise I’ll do my best to keep my hands off her and myself before we’re married. If You do then I’ll be a missionary forever if you do.” Don’t pray to God as if He’s just suppose to go through His Saved-a-dex and pick out the most sanctified, beautified and rich person in the world for you to marry.
The truth is you should count your blessings if the Lord chooses to allow someone half as jacked up as you for your spouse. Getting married doesn’t mean you’ve arrived at the perfect relationship… It means you’ve just begun. You’re going to spend a lifetime together figuring out how to honor each other, talk to each other and love each other in a way that best glorifies the Lord. So what if things are a little rough in the dating relationship? Don’t drop that person over one stupid fight about something insignificant like Coke verses Pepsi, Verizon verses AT&T or Mac verses PC (although that last one is particularly hard for me). If there is a serious sin committed by that other person against you then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate but do your best to work things out before you just call it quits. It’ll be a good indication of how you’ll respond when you’re married and have no business looking for an escape route.
My final thought is this, whatever situation you’re in, don’t waste that time longing for the next stage. If you’re single, don’t spend all your time whining and crying to God about your singleness and presenting your demands to Him for a date. Instead spend that time serving the Lord in ways you never can when you’re dating. If you’re dating someone, don’t get all hot and bothered just because you’re not married. It’s perfectly okay to spend free time by yourself even though you’re dating someone. Use that time to practice the art of leading yourself by continually seeking the Lord in precious one-on-one time with Him.
And to those of you saying, “Hey are there verses for that?” I say of course:
Undivided devotion to the Lord… that’s a tough prospect when you’re not only seeing to your own spiritual needs, but to the spiritual needs of someone else as well.
P.S. To those of you who think you may have the “gift” of singleness. If the Lord has called you to be single you’re entire life you have no excuse for not changing the world in amazing ways. You will have financial, geographical and physical freedom beyond belief. God will have entrusted you with an entire life that should yield undivided devotion to Him. If you can’t live up to that, maybe you should reconsider that calling.
Well I think this is a really really good post and I really appreciate a lot of that advice. You seem a little over negative on that material you were talking about though… Like, aren’t they saying the same thing you are (not longing for the next stage excessively) when they say learn to enjoy this stage of your life? But still, the title is really good
(and all of the rest of it 
Thanks for writing!
Loved this post, Cliff. Absolutely loved it.