A Year Of Grief, Faithfulness, Trustworthiness And Goodness

Today at 6:15pm my family and I will be observing a moment of silent prayer. It will mark the day and time one year ago that my Mom was ushered in the loving arms of Jesus. At times it feels like that day was a long time ago. But for the most part the feelings, thoughts and overwhelming grief of that day have lingered just beneath the surface as I have wandered through the past 365 days.

I have listened to countless sermons, read a few books, received cards, wept through emails and have had some wonderful people speak God’s truth into my life. All of it has helped on one way or another, but the words the thoughts and prayers will simply never be enough. I dare say that no earthly thing will ever be enough to heal my heart and make it whole.

If there is one small lesson, one short thought, one simple message that I have received loud and clear from God it’s this: “Life on this earth is temporary… and that’s the way it should be.” There is no reason for us to long to stay here on this fragile, fallen and failing earth longer than God’s plan for us.

I am reminded of Paul’s words to the Corinthians,

“For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-4 ESV

Try applying that passage to one whom you love and has been diagnosed with a senseless disease that will slowly take her life. Try applying that passage to the hours you spend on the phone with nurses and doctors at 2am only to hear them tell you there’s nothing more you can do. Try applying that as you attempt to say your final goodbyes, only to be interrupted by your loved one crying out in pain and having to be sedated with Morphine. Try applying that as you count the seconds in-between the labored breaths and come to grips with the debilitating reality that the gap is increasing with brutal regularity. Try applying that as you hold their hand for the last time and watch the life slowly slip from their eyes and the strength slip from their grasp and they take their last breath.

My friends, I can say with all honesty that I failed… I failed to remember the faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness of God.

I failed to remember the faithful God that created the universe, clothed the naked refugees, parted the Red Sea and sustained an entire people group despite their disobedience and rebellion. I failed to remember the trustworthy God that Abraham trusted despite being asked to sacrifice his one and only son Isaac, that Zechariah trusted despite God’s silence for 400 years and that Stephen trusted his life too in the midst of a hostile crowd. I failed to remember the good God that changes people’s hearts, empowers forgiveness and provides for all our needs in His perfect timing.

I forgot God, even though God had not forgotten me…

Now, after the toughest year of my life, I feel as if I am starting to remember the Lord. The word Remember is used over 130 times in the Old Testament and the majority of the time God is commanding us to remember what HE has succeeded in doing, not what WE have failed to do. Over this past year I have been challenged to regain an eternal perspective and abandon my selfish and unrealistic notion that I have any reason to be faithful to, to trust or to find true joy in anything on this earth that is temporal. Instead, I am to place my hope, faith, trust and expectation of good on the God who has given His Son Jesus Christ as a ransom for my life.

I have a feeling that this is not something that happens in a year, nor should it take place in a short amount of time. In fact, I can, should and want to spend the rest of my life enjoying God and proclaiming His faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness to others. The best part is that as of the time that I write this, my hope and faith and trust is better placed today than it was a year ago, which shows God’s faithfulness to sustain me, His trustworthiness to lead me where I can’t see and His goodness to provide me with everything I need to get through this day with my mind stayed on the Gospel.

Pray for not only for my family and me today, but pray for yourself. Pray that you will not forget God in your time of need and that you will remember his faithfulness, trustworthiness and goodness, especially in those moments when all of them seem to be so far away.